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-- Modified on 2/2/2007 5:49:09 AM

if i dont know thats fine however if i know then i wont see them.I dont even hobby when im dating.
As for the other no i wouldnt allow myself to be involved with a  working provider, at some level it will become a point of contention.  
Ive never seen a Client Provider relationship work, the closest to a successful one is a sugar daddy situation and even those end badly 8 times out of 10. Good luck if you can make it wwork thats awesome but from what ive seen the deck is stacked and the house always wins....

Interesting question, Victoria. I have, from time to time, wondered why certain providers haven't found a steady boyfriend or a significant other...they say they would love to have someone to share things with, indicate that they miss the companionship and would like to become involved with the 'right' person. They tell me that they don't think any man would approve of what they are doing and that their professional life would pose the biggest obstacle to having a meaninful relationship. As for me, I don't care if a woman is married or has a boyfriend...and, I don't harbor any illusions that she and I have any relationship other than mutual enjoyment and a communal interest in having a nice time together. It is possible for me to develop a friendship with certain women...a platonic relationship that has no impact on our (or her) professional dealings; one that is based on mutual respect and compatibility.

Anyway, I am not sure there are any easy answers to your question. I hope you find the right man who can either accept your professional life or be able to accept what your profession was and support your move toward another profession...one that offers you fulfillment and financial rewards, but isn't castigated by mainstream society.

See you in LA,

Lancer

In my eyes, if a woman cannot stop sleeping with guys for a relationship than what is the point of the relationship? There are MANY relationships in which only one person works-often a man and in your case could find a guy who works and supports you-but if you just cannot stop or any woman cannot give up her "business" for the guy-than what does that say? What guy deserves that, nevermind wants that? Just seems you are getting greed for wanting both-I cannot see how one would get into your business and not forsee very few if any men wanting to be with them-most see them as severely damaged goods. Most guys see a girl that has slept around or cheated one time as damaged goods-so not to be mean but that is the way we think. Prove us wrong and find him though! You deserve it!

answer.  I once knew a lady in the San Francisco bay area whom I saw on a regular basis over a five year period.  She was married, seemed to be very happily married.  In fact he was the one who introduced her to the profession.  He had been seeing someone before they married and continued after the marriage.  He suggested to the wife she might want to join in and the rest is history.  Strange how one learns of these things over a long period of time.  I think they are the exception to the rule.  When I left the SF area for Arizona she was on the verge of retirement at age 33 as she had invested well, mostly property.  I think you can take this as a positive, but don't discount the advice given above in the other postings.  I wish you luck on any decision you make.  Not to pry, but it sounds like you may have found someone with whom you are considering this type of relationship.  When the shoe is on the other foot, a married man seeing a provider most do not think anything of it.  Humm, I wonder what all the wives would say if they knew what their hubbies were up to.  Ouch!

ill be your huckleberry

If two people find each other and are of like minds, anything can work. Swingers base their relationship on trust - not sexual intamacy/monogamy. They do not lie to each other about their sexual desires, and yes, those relationships work.

If you find someone of equal mind, just do not get caught up in the stereotype, ie. It is ok for you to see guys, but he can't see other women. I mean, that is doomed from the start. Even if he says it is what he wants - it will change over time as realization and things like you not being in the mood to be with him and him not being physically satisfied and thinking you are..from work.

If it is open, it may have a chance if you stay in the biz. And if you are going that route, I'd say this - find some male friends you enjoy the company of, and if you want to watch tv, hold someone, trust someone with your thoughts, first start with a deep friendship that is MUTUAL - where you like the person and they like you (not boy girl dating relationship, but like you would with a buddy), try that first. Keep sex out of it. See if the person is thoughtful of you or just there for physical comfort.

Could I love a provider and be her life partner? Not without knowing she is getting out. But that's me. I have met some incredible ladies in this biz and thought about it. If they said they would get out, I would stick with them while they made the transition - the question I'd ask is could they adapt to a more frugal lifestyle and give up the freedom that being in the biz affords them.

I'd ask a reverse question. Can you disconnect yourself from the business to realize that man you would choose would not be a source of income from you? I am not talking abut a co-dependant relationship where you suppport him, but rather where you carry your own financial load and he his? Or are you looking for the "traditional" relationship model? See, no one answer fits all situations. No one path has the right answer. And no one can feel what is in your heart when you meet the right guy.

I pray you find someone to share the joys of your life with. For me, that is what I miss, sharing the joys and spliting the burdens. And when I find that is an equal street (meaning she shares my burdens and I hers, not just me hers), I settle down and date her for a while. To see if it is real. It is a partnership - each person bringing something into the relationship the other needs. Growing. Being supportive. Communicating. Trust. The old school relationships worked because she took care of the home, he brought home money. He wanted someone to cook and clean and raise the kids. She wanted to have a family and did not care much about work. Over time, it is just finding the right combination of needs to make things work.

I believe anything can, given the right two individuals. Keep the faith.

P.S. I personally do not like seeing providers who are in relationships. That's me.

P.S.S. I did date a provider. For 8 months. Wanna know what ran through my head? The upcoming company Christmas party. And introducing her to my friends as she was a "public" figure. I was not embarassed by what she did, but by the situation it could cause professionally. That may be unfar to her, but bumping into a client at a social function could get complicated. Your friends would almost have to be those in the biz, and not his professional acquaintances. I could be wrong...

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no such luck here, I have tried in tne past and it always seems to work against me, not always their fault I realise this can be tough on any relationship,so it seems to be less complicated to stay solo and have love or somthing like it by the hours......V

-- Modified on 1/30/2007 8:44:15 PM

You were not embarrased about what she did? So to your co-workers and boss you would be proud to say-ya my wife f's guys for a living-To me that would be embarrasing but that is just me.

aren't there in all relationships?  I think some of the successful couples in this community simply pretend that he doesn't know/care what she does (to one extent or another).  Others I know of (and there are a few, believe it or not) are supportive, curious and completely knowledgeable of the details of their partners' work.  They are absolutely in love with their provider/partners, but they don't really "share" them as you state, because they know that what they have is very different from what others get.

One of the toughest obstacles to these relationships appears to be the guys' inability to accept that their partner being a provider is not the same as him being a hobbyist.  This is huge, and talking about it is a bit like pulling back the curtain to reveal Oz, so out of respect to providers, I'll just leave it at this:  It's absolutely not the same.

If you can find a guy who gets that, but who nonetheless can accept and even support what you do, you've discovered treasure!  To have someone who knows where you are and when you should be home (and isn't a driver or agency owner!) must be comforting.  Surely it must be better to end the night in the arms of someone who not only lights your fire, but who also loves you for who you are, not just what you do for him...someone whose arms feel different from any other arms that have held you that days...someone whose hands know you as well as you know yourself (and know that you can't be touched the same way after a long day's work as you can on a day off!)  Someone who kisses you exactly the way you love to kiss.

I think (and hope) that the providers who are in lasting, supportive relationships actually have more to give their clients.

chinnychin, Sometimes it is not about being damaged goods ,I for one have had a very blessed life not much drama and have had many wonderful men pass through my life, I choose this as a choice i thought it seemed exciting and gave me a chance to meet men from all walks for life and most have been great guys and yes the money does make life easier but I sometimes wonder if it is more than the money, I think you can become addicted to all the compliments , you are so smart ,so pretty so charming and ect....you start to believe your own press right or wrong.....I sometimes wonder which would be harder to give up....the money or the stroking of our frail egos...I really thank you your input.....Victoria

Victoria,

Do you wish to have both worlds coexisting? Which one is more important to you?  Do you (or did you ever) have an "exit plan" for this life (or do you have Dick Clark-like aspirations?).

I'd say you could probably have your cake and eat it too, just need to find a guy that genuinely is cool with it.  For me personally, sex and love are quite separate and I have been in "swinging" type relationships that worked out fine from that perspective.  There ended up being other unrelated issues that wound up ending the relationship.  I have actually had a long term relationship with an active provider and had no problem with that.  When I was younger, I was way too jealous for something like that, but as I've gotten into my late 30's my perspective has changed on this alot.  As weird as it sounds, it actually turned me on to be dating a provider, and I would actually ask her to tell me about people she'd been with that day/week in some detail.  I am probably NOT in the majority of men on this one, just a strange fetish I've developed.  For some reason when we were talking over dinner, or doing whatever, I was never sitting there thinking in my mind that she had been with 5 guys that day.  It was just a non-issue in my general realtionship with her.  I would, however, think about it when we were in bed together, but I liked the thought that after all them she chose to be with me.  Weird I know.

Are we talking before the stroke or after ? Yes I am sorta like old Dick going strong into the oldies and then BAM life just came to a halt....I am hoping for a least a few more good years before the slurring and the walkers , you seem like a a nice man wanna push me aroumd the mall when i can longer get around ? come on I still will have my sense of humor left oh do not forget the adult pampers  just in case Luv yah Dear.....Opps gotta run to my therapy appointment to keep these old bones moving.....Lets have that lunch why I can still chew my food although I know you would be kind enough to spoon feed me  PS they say when you lose your teeth the blow jobs are encrediable......Victoria

Have I told you lately how much your post really make me go HUMMMMM? that is a good thing thanks for your  wonderful insight and thoughtful thinking before you write......and I will keep the faith luv.....

Hey victoria-I did not mean that myself but rather what the men I know would be thinking about a relationship with a provider-just giving you one piece of concencus from 20-30 year old demographic-not my personal view but just a general view-I think anyone can do anything in this world and I am sure you can do the same-you seem like a sweetie

Victoria do you tell every person you meet proudly what you do for a living? If you do more power to you and it is your job-and I am willing to bet based on 80 percent of ads have the face blocked out that few providers want to be recognized-therefore that implies that they are not proud of what they do. If they had their picture on the cover of a magazine for winning the nobel prize-who would ask for it to be covered up?

So why is it unreasonable or not insightful to think a business man in a reputable company would not be jumping up to announce what his sig other did if she provided-I mean that is just common sense isn't it?

I don't know if this is possible. I have become involved with serveral providers over the years and it has been difficult. I'm involved with a few right now on a personal level and we have reat fun together on their "off time" but we no longer have sex so it really changes things. On one hand we're very close yet on a physical level we're not. It's a case where friendship screwed up our sex. It's a strange place to be. My best friends on this earth are providers yet I don't think I could maintain a a more intimate reelationship with one if she still continued on in the profession. Intelllectually, I know the "separation" that providers do in their heads/hearts and I do the same sort of thing myself but I don't think basic human nature is to be polyamorous but I do know of many cases wher eit is working.

To me, someone who is a constant liar and getting folks killed, well that bothers me and I am not proud of them. Who destroys countless folks retirement plans, well that bothers me. Who do not use my tax dollars well during a natural disaster, but rather line pockets of friends "because they can", well that bothers me. Those people are damaged. And just mean for means sake. Spiritually, emotionally, and I pray for them.

Why providers do what they do is beyond some peoples comprehension for sure. There is no intended harm in what providers do. Not unlike an attorney who creates litigous situations, providers create fantasy to attract more income. It is the oldest profession...

Chin, have you dated? Do you believe that every woman you were with had previously not been with another man? Maybe not two hours ago, but sometime before you came along, my guess is she had.

Yes, we express how we feel through physical inamacy. The ultimate is when the connection is real for both. Ever been in a relationship where she faked it?

Physical intamacy in one aspect of a relationship. It will not survive on its own. It has to be real, just like communication must be real. DO you stay with women who lie to you or mislead you by telling you "stories" you doubt are true deep in your heart but are afraid to say?

Victoria - men hobby out of ego. Yea, there is physical pleasure involved. But it starts by thinking they can be with a hot woman. In the mind is where all of this starts. Your role, his role. The money is a sidebar. Candidly, I have never known many providers who do it for the money, if you really examine their finances. It is more about giving up your freedom. And yes, having your ego stroked, guy or girl, is an incredible thing. As Chinny points out without saying, we are all frail creatures. And even in the biz, some of the providers I have met, do not get that subtle difference, that our egos (hobbiest) above all, must be stroked or business drops off.

But when you find that right man, you will also feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet. And if his look does not say that, he is the wrong man. And you will feel that way about him too, else he may stray. Does that last? Two smart people can make it last. If they communicate and trust each other deeply.

Chin, you inspire me. Thanks...

V I have never seen you but my opinion on this subject is that I would love to be in a relationship with a special companion for the simple reason, is that at least I know she will not be cheating on me. I work  a job that takes most of my day so what ever she does she does at least i know. So our time with each other when we see each other is well spent.
Its all about communication and understanding. We all have a  career we need to attend to. B ut I guess it takes a special person and companion to determine that so once again its all about communication and understanding.
So in my opinion it would work for me!
Have a wonderful day and hopefully we can meet some day.
ps My atf is so wonderful and is the only one i see unless she suggest other wise
Have a good one!