I prefer the intimacy at 75% and the sex at 25%. I like to be with a woman that enjoys being held, having a light touch massage, and a pleasent conversation. Even at 25% the sex can be great, I just like to connect ona different plane. For it to be great sex, the woman needs to have the intelligence to know what the man wants or needs.

I used to wonder the same things. My thought about the whole thing is this:
 As far as intimacy it is either something missing in someones life or it is a way of trying to make us ladies comfortable and take care of us sexually too. Maybe feeling that we need that to get off. It is not real. But it can be fun!!!!
 As far as connections. I have had some of the best sex of my life with men I met the first time and didn't even remember their name when they left till I looked again at their e-mail to send THEM a thank you note Happened again just yesterday There was no connection.....just great sex! Sometimes it is the opposite. You meet people that you really enjoy their company but the sex is mediocre at best It can be a combination of both too and that is awesome but doesn't always make it better.I think it is an attraction you either have with a person or not. Either way we can only hope that we all get what we want and need out of the whole experience and that each encounter has something special in it. Just have fun while it lasts.

-- Modified on 6/8/2006 8:59:56 PM

I crave intimacy in a relationship, even a short, temporary one. But a big part of the sexual excitement is when the intimacy is combined with being with someone whose body, attitude, and pace match your desires/needs perfectly. Intimacy is the catalyst that makes sex amazing rather than just terrific. Different strokes for different strokes, of course. That's why I seek out intelligent women who have a sense of humor, a playfulness, who enjoy an unhurried pace, but who also possess a voluptuous body, soft and yielding, enveloping. Chemistry. It's terrific. Maybe I'll ask her to greet me at the door wearing a lab coat and nothing else.

We're seeking proof of life or the avoidance of death. If we have great sex with someone we know or even anonymous sex with a stranger, we are proving in the most basic way that we are alive -- and that much further from death. Great intellect isn't necessary, but stupidity takes all the fun out of sex ("She's so stupid and she's having sex with me? What does that say about me?") In general I've found women in this business to be unusually intelligent and insightful regardless of their formal education. Women with brains like Mya, Tai, Lena, or AZ Candy, for example, would stand out in any profession.

that there is a sex drive (literally) but soon after that 1st initial meeting when you start mingling that sex drive makes a left turn somewhere and gets lost. Either Lust or Passion then takes over in the driver seat.  For me, 90% of my encounters have been Passion. To the degree of how good my Passion drives is dependant upon how well the auto handles and responds (ok, admit sounding goofy now).  I think intimacy is something that takes time to build up and can never really be captured in an hours time. I only repeat visit the ladies that I do connect with. What I have to keep telling myself is that at the end of the time and companionship, it is all a part of the fantasy.

I am highly attracted to women who more of an excellent communicator rather than looks and/or intelligence any day. What I mean by that is communication is more than just speaking your mind because everyone wants to be heard at some point or another.  The key word is "heard".  Listening is the most important ingredient in communication and I find that to be a highly attractive quality.  There are ways to know when someone is really listening to you or not and therefore I find the highest connections with those particular ladies that seem to genuinely listen. Two immediately come to mind, possibly a third whom I just met. One of the 3 moved to NM and well I've seen her more times than any and...keep that thought just between her and I. The other lady knows who she is.
Listen up now.

-- Modified on 6/8/2006 11:11:13 PM

that for me the hobby is about variety.. sometimes its just crazy balls-to-the-wall all hour long, sometimes it is more intimate and sensual, sometimes there is interesting conversation, sometimes there is little point in conversation, sometimes there is little connection at all, sometimes I could see myself having a real relationship with the gal..
I get a thrill out of meeting someone new and seeing how the connection or intimacy works out. It can be great sex without the feelings I would associate with love. There has to be a connection though.. even if on purely a physical level.. the way your bodies fit together and entwine, the movements, the sounds, the smells, all combine to create a great sexual experience. Without any connection, it might as well be a blow up doll, you still get pleasure but its not very gratifying. (I don't have a blow up doll but can imagine.. )
So I would say that you are right.. many men (including myself) are often looking for more.. there is a term for this.. GFE.. which can be code for certain menu items included (DFK, BBBJ, etc) but really means more of a complete fantasy. Being around a beautiful woman and soaking in her charms, talking and and laughing, relating on some level, taking in the magic of the moment.. these are delights in themselves.. and most of all, feelings of desire and being desired are something, I think all people are looking for (men or women) and that is the GFE fantasy that sets some encounters above the rest.

They should not be separated.

For me the best time is when she is naturally intimate, when she is there for you for the moment, and does not 'save' anything for her boyfriend.  Intelligent?  Of course - that only adds to the foreplay or pillow talk.

Listen to the words from the song "Sexual Healing" some time!

-- Modified on 6/9/2006 6:42:57 AM

Sometimes the level of intimacy changes depending on the companion. Going into a new encounter I guess I expect/want a 40/60 split between intimacy and sex. If you just happen to really hit it off and there is a connection, the level of intimacy might jump to 75%. So, IMO the percentage is not carved in stone. Can you have great sex without connecting? Yes!!! However, I draw a distinction between "not connecting" and being turned off. I can have an encouter with someone where there is no real connection but but everything about our meeting is fine and the sex is great. On the other hand, if for some reason her personality just turns me off, I probably will not have a great sexually experience. Third quuestion about intelligence. Hmmm, you know, this varies as well. Sometimes it is great to talk about the economy and have great sex. Sometimes its great not to talk at all and have great sex. Both work.

I had a five year

relationship with a provider in the SF bay area that was passionate, hot and very intimate.  Upon moving to this valley I went in search of a similar experience.  Now, intimacy is hard to find on a first encounter unless there is a connection between the two parties.  I have been fortunate in finding three such ladies.  Each one is different, each one is hot, super responsive, more passionate than any woman I have known and each knew instictively how and what I needed.  Talk about intuition, Whew!  These three are always at the top of my list because of their uniqueness, there patients and their love of their trade.  Sarah, JK and Donna Next Door gave me that which I sought on the very first meeting.  How lucky can a guy get.  Bottom line with these three were the intimate connection I sought and seek in a provider.  I am sure there are others out there, whom I have not met and I am convinced after being on this board for a year other hobbiest have had similar experiences as I.

If you think men can have intimacy and/or a connection with a provider, then you've done your job very well.  And that makes you intelligent for being able to do it !   Great sex for me is physical, especially with a tight body !!  

Sweet Victoria,  Your senses are right.  After a great evening with you at dinner, walk on the beach and a little playtime in the water sex is just the cap.  Time spent with a beautiful lady prior to the sex that is capable of conversing on about anything and adding imformation on the personal profile just make the moment more enjoyable.  I think you know I'm for the intimacy side first.  Great sex just natyrally follows.