......& I would like some advice. First off, for those who have met me or know me, know I have a nervous problem. Well, I was suppose to meet a lady from the internet, with whom I've been chatting with for a few weeks. I did finally get to meet her & basically she told me, that I wouldn't have any fun with her. Now, I could tell by her demeanor that she didn't want to be around me. So when I got home, I wrote her an email about how that wasn't a nice thing to do. Then she writes back & says: "You shouldn't lie to people and not tell them about your disability. If I would have know about that before hand, I would have never met you."

Now my questions, is it a lie not to tell people about it? Do I need to go to every site & let them know about my little problem? Am I being stupid about this?

I know this is nothing to do with the hobby, but I need to get this off my chest. Thanks for those who will read this.

Take care,
Vampy

p.s. Tina Pink is great!!! Lol

Though I don't know you well, we met at a party this spring, and it was mentioned to me by two very nice, hott ladies that I know, about what a great guy you are!  Since I really value their opinion, my analysis of the above event is that if that woman with whom you were meeting is so fucking shallow a person, then it was her loss, not yours, and you are better off not wasting your valuable time with her!  Be well, and keep having fun, and being the good person that you are!

Vampy,

I don’t think you need to post that in your ad. Your disability does not make you any different than anyone else in that you are capable of everything a "Normal" person is capable of. If you were wheelchair bound or something, I might say mention it because a wheelchair can be inconvenient for some people. She was obviously SHALLOW and wasn't willing to get to know you for you. That’s a shame. I always have an awesome time hanging out with you- you make me laugh and that’s important!

You really are special and I mean that. *Wink*
T.P.   (no that doesn’t stand for Toilet Paper! )

Jeffrey hit the nail on the head (as usual)...

All of us (myself included) will occasionally judge a book by its cover. It's a common human failing which we should all work at....however in this business the quality providers learn to quickly look for the silver lining. In fact I had an intersting conversation on this very subject not long ago. The gal in question had just started in the last month or two and had a call with a gentleman who she initially found a bit repulsive...but by the end of their time togeather had found him to be sweet attentive and one of the best lovers she'd ever had...it struck such a cord in her she considered it a lesson in life....

I’m a big man; I mean fat, at one time 420 lbs fat!!!  I enjoy being with women, and find the hobby the surest means of being able to pursue this interest.  What you experienced has long been my worst fear, and fortunately, something I’ve never had to face.  I’m sure you are uncomfortable mentioning her by name on the board, but please do write a review of this experience, and be sure to take your feelings into account.  IMHO, this behavior is unacceptable.  Yes we are dealing with people and individuals, so the personal and individual experience will vary.  But for a lady to say “you will not have a good time with me” is both unprofessional and prejudicial.  I know that my unattractive fat self has surprised more than one lady over the years.

Better luck in the future,

Jazz32

I have met you (although not all the way, if you know what I mean) but I cannot see any reason why someone would be so cold hearted.  You are a doll, and you are correct in that Tina Pink is great!  I hope you'll move past this - a real woman wouldn't be so shallow.  As Azhacker & Jeffrey pointed out, there are many others who are a lot more personable.  I know the two & agree with them 100%, bless them both for their huge hearts.  (XXOO)  
Vampy, although the 2 of us have not met closely, please believe me when I say you are a wonderful man.  I get nothing but good vibes when I'm around you & can't wait for more.  I think about YOU very often, sweetheart.  And I wouldn't write this if I did not mean it.

Sincerely,
M.J.

**edited to say: jazz32, I have met with you as well & did not want to leave you out.  You are a sweetheart as well, xxxxxoooo.  

-- Modified on 8/1/2005 11:00:08 PM

She is not in the business. She was someone I met off the internet. Although, this has happened when I was first started hobbing, but not to this extent.

Vamp man, I'm not exactly Brad Pitt

You know who I am, and everybody has quirks, oddities, disfigurements (mental OR physical), problems, etc ad nauseum.

Obviously this lady has a problem or two. Yer a good guy and one of the first I gravitate to at any gathering.

Don't let it get to you, too many people here think highly of you.

First of all, sorry that this happened to you, Vampy. You've always sounded like a great guy on the boards.

In a politically correct world, every escort would gladly see every guy who presents at her door (assuming he was polite and clean).

That doesn't happen. Many ladies are uncomfortable with certain disabilities, men of color, or men who are physically very unattractive.

Some ladies even require client pics before they make an appointment! (Are they running a business or a personal dating service?)

Yes, the US has laws regarding discrimination based on race and disability, but that applies to a business like a restaurant, not a personal service where the most intimate of all human activities occurs.

Also, to put the shoe on the other foot, when a hobbyist meets an escort and he feels zero chemistry for her, everyone agrees he should politely leave, not stick around because he feels sorry for her.

So, if it's OK for the guy to reject a lady when meeting her, can't a lady reject a client if she doesn't like him based on his looks or mannerisms?

Certainly, no matter when this occurs, everyone should be dilomatic and polite.

I suggest gentlemen should disclose ahead of time if they are men of color, have a disability, or have another condition that might cause discomfort when meeting a lady.

Aagin, Vampy, I'm sorry the lady didn't handle things very well with you. I'm sure it was her loss.

I think you should do what is in your heart.

CUM have lunch with me Tues. and I'll make you feel better...a true friend;}~~~AZCandy CANE

-- Modified on 8/2/2005 2:56:30 AM

I have had the pleasure of your company and I think you are just fantastic. You are a super sweet guy,a gentleman and one of the nicest hobbiests out there. Don't let one shallow woman set you into a tailspin, you keep looking, there is someone out there that will see you for who you really are, a damn nice guy!
Kisses,
Malissa xoxoxo

My heart sank when I read this and I do not even know who you are . I try to make myself familiar with many on the boards in every city. I've met some great people here at TER and I am sure that you are one of them that make up the cast of stars in Phoenix. Put this heartless creature behind you and keeping being YOU. Because we surely all can thank you, for letting us be US...



-- Modified on 8/2/2005 5:14:41 AM

The omission of a fact is a lie only if your intent is  to deceive.  We cannot predict what others will like or dislike.  So deciding what information to share before a meeting can only be a guess.   Vampy you have been a true gentlemen of class,    I cannot imagine you intent was to deceive.  Unfortunately  folks may put to much emphasis on superficial appearance and never find the real quality. Be true to yourself and move on, the person that finds the true qualities will be rewarded.
PS
On a positive side, at least you were dressed when this happened  most of the girls wait till I am naked to reject me !

She might say she's just a Buffalo chick, but I can tell you she's a real nice Buffalo chick.  Look her up if you ever get to Western New York.

Mr Vampy,

I don't know you, but I can relate to what you have written here (I will spare you the details of my experiences, but suffice it to say, there is a reason I am a 35 year old virgin, so self-conscious as to not even think myself good enough to attempt to contact any of the fine ladies that are here.).

I am sorry that this has happened to you, and I can understand your hurt.

As for advice, if it were me, I would tell anyone that I were getting close to, or intending to meet (I don't think everyone you casually know online needs to know though), if for no other reason to spare the hurt that you are now experiencing.

Look at it as a sort of weeding out process, so that you can know before investing too much of your time and opening up too much of yourself, that this person is not capable of giving you what you seek from another.
That way you can better spend your efforts on those that know a person is more than what can be seen at first glance and more than a disorder, or disability, or appearance...
Think of it as a way for you to suss out their shortcomings instead of they presuming to do so with what they see as yours.

It would be nice if the things that really make one a beautiful person were what mattered to others, your personality, mind, sense of humor, compassion, decency, kindness, respectfulness, etc.  but for some those things are only of value if they like the package they come in, for some those things are easily dismissed in favor of appearance and superficial things. If it is any consolation know that it is the superficial people that can overlook your true preciousness that are losing out by looking to the surface and not seeing the treasure of the most valuable qualities of another human being.

It hurts to be made to feel undesirable, it hurts to made to feel as if you aren't good enough...and it is difficult to believe that any good can come from such treatment from others (I know this for fact, as while I write this and believe all that I have written applies to you being truly beautiful...I can't believe it for myself) but it seems to me a number of people that have met and gotten to know you think you are someone of great value, people who read your words and encountered your thoughts see a beautiful human being, so one woman that can't handle your disorder, that wants what she perceives as valuable, but in reality is of very little value, in exchange for what is truly priceless should not make you question how wonderful and precious you really are.

Do take care Mr Vampy, and believe in yourself and the qualities you possess, and know that there are people in this world that know what is truly of worth, and that you will be the richer in the end for not being with someone shallow and for finding those can can honestly appreciate you for all that you are.

You never cease to amaze me Webbie...whatever you perceive to be your shortcomings, all I see is that your heart is pure gold.

I didn't expect all the kind & honest comments. I really do apreaciate everyone of you. I wish I could hug & kiss each of you (yah, the guys too, lol). I think we should have a big group hug. Hehehe.

Thanks again,
Vampy  

p.s. Just so you all know. I do have a little nervous problem. There, now no excuses...lol. J/K

-- Modified on 8/2/2005 4:20:09 PM

Vampy, if you start kissing me, we're BOTH gonna have a nervous problem.  Seriously, good luck.  These people all say that you're a good guy, so I gotta believe them.

Webbie, surely by now you know that you are one of the most repected indiviuals on this site.

You are humble, incredibly intelligent, friendly to all, polite to a fault, etc etc.

I can't think of a bad thing anyone could EVER say about you (except you beat yourself up too much :])

True beauty always comes from within. I've known many physically attractive people who make me want to strangle them after they open their mouths.

You, however, (and I've never met you) ARE a TRUE beauty. The world could use more like you....

First off, I don't know you. I am a visitor to your fine city on occasion and that is why I came by the boards.

But there is a flip side of this whole argument.  Most men in this hobby have absolutely no problem saying that they have specific preferences:  mature, asian, heavy, fake boobs, etc.

Yet when someone (albeit a bit callously) says the same to you, everyone seems to chime in with the "they should get to know people on the inside.." type of rhetoric.

I guess I just don't get it.  I see physical attraction as something apart from emotional and intellectual engagement.  Is it great to have them all mixed in one package?  Sure.  Is it necessary?  Not at all, in my book.

Was the original meeting for some sort of physical activity?  It seems so to me (admittedly without enough facts) when she said "....you wouldn't have any fun with me."  I'm reading this to be:  "I know we've talked about things, but now that we meet, we wouldn't have that much fun because I'm not into you."

She should have been more tactful for sure.  But I guess you should just buckle on the armor and head back out one more time.

aiki

Vampy, I have met you on a few occasions such as the dream girls meet, and I know you are a great guy. Everyone who reads this board knows that, too. I once read a saying that pertains here. "A big person makes everyone they meet feel big as well. A small person makes everyone they meet feel as small as they are."  What does that say about this woman? You, on the other hand, make everyone around you feel as big as you are.

take care, buddy, and don't let it get you down