Are you a biter? During sex? Have you gotten so carried away in the throes of passion that you latched onto the nearest bit of flesh with your teeth?

Are or you the bitee (how the hell do you spell "bitee"...doesn't look right...anyone...anyone?) Are you the one who wakes up the next morning, walks into the bathroom with your shirt off, looks into the mirror and is startled completely awake, screaming "WHAT THE FUCK!!", shoulders and chest looking like victims of a werewolf attack?

Yeah, try explaining that to your doctor, the blue and yellow and purple bruises, and the perfect outlines of a human set of teeth.

"Gee doc, what can I say, I don't know where that came from."

"Gee doc, what can I say, I had my dog altered to have a human-like mouth."

"Gee doc, what can I say, I have a very flexible neck and like to taste my own blood."

Or just shrug your shoulders, without flinching from pain, and say, "Ehh."

Of course, the second doc said, "You must be the guy the girl who was just in here was talking about, the guy who keeps hitting bottom. My advice? Try something other than cowgirl for a while. That way, she won't hit bottom as easily and the biting should ease up."

Yeah, small family, the Army, especially when stationed on a hilltop in West Germany.