Sometimes simpler is better!  The following is an entry in a recent contest to find the worst writing in the world:

"As her quivering lips met his, and her eyelashes fluttered softly on his sweating cheek, Dr. Robbins reflected, 'I didn't realize she had upper dentures . . . in fact, her slippery plastic palate reminds me of going down a waterslide that hasn't been properly chlorinated, as evidenced by the distinct nitrous and sulfurous emanations, or could it be sinus trouble?"