The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgins
And swarms with erotic effex.
A sous chef from South Carolina
Hooked the MixMaster to her vagina.
She would prep and deglaze
In an orgasmic haze
And her moaning would rattle the china.
A strapping young man down in Georgia
Had no inkling of how he should forge a
Romantic relation.
His idea of flirtation
Was to unzip and yell "Comin' towardja!"
Said the swell to the belle from Virginia,
"After all that I've done now to win ya!
Dinners, movies and plays
And it's always me pays --
Tell me: what does it take to get in ya?!"
A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn't much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.
There was a young girl named Sapphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire
She said: "It's a sin
But now that it's in
Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
There was a young girl who begat
Three brats, by name Nat, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding
When she found she had no tit for Tat.
There was a young woman named Croft
Who played with herself in a loft,
Having reasoned that candles
Could never cause scandals,
Besides which they never went soft.
Said a swinging young lady named Lyth,
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
"Try as hard as I can,
I can't find a man,
That it's fun to be virtuous with."
A hard-headed cabby named Peter
Was asked by a fare if he'd eat her.
He said, "It's not free.
I will only agree
To go down while I'm running the meter."
--------------------------------------------
And a repeat of last Spring's collection, for those who missed it...
A dentist, young Doctor Malone,
Got a charming girl patient alone,
And in his depravity
He filled the wrong cavity
And my how his practice has grown!
There was a young man of kildare,
Who was having a girl in a chair,
At the sixtieth stroke
The bloody thing broke
And his rifle went off in the air.
There once was a man from Kent,
whose cock was so long it bent
to save him the trouble
he put it in double
and instead of cumming he went.
There once was a man from Nantucket,
whose cock was so long he could suck it
while licking his chin
he said with a grin
if my ear was a pussy i'd fuck it.
The President swore to the sky
He'd never asked someone to lie
But the chance was then missed
To request that he list
Positions he'd told them to try.
A wanton young lady from Wimley
Reproached for not acting quite primly
Said, "Heavens above!
I know sex isn't love,
But it's such an entrancing facsimile."
There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who said "Shit! Your hole is a tight one!"
Said the girl, "Shut your face!
"You're in the wrong place!
"There's plenty of room in the right one!"
In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
Massaging the bust of his madam,
He chuckled with mirth,
For he knew that on earth,
There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
"My favorite sport is coitus."
But a fullback from State
Made her period late,
And now she has athlete's fetus
My back aches, my pussy is sore;
I simply can't fuck any more;
I'm covered with sweat,
And you haven't come yet,
And my God, it's a quarter to four!
There was a young Rabbi from Peru,
Who was vainly attempting to screw,
His wife said "Oi vey",
If you keep up this way,
The Messiah will come before you do!
