With all the negativity in the post recently, I thought you all might get a kick out of this. Enjoy...

Just after dinner one night, a young father's son came up to him and said that there was something wrong with one of his pet lizards. . The boy asked his dad to help.
The father checked on the lizard in question and saw that it was laying on its back and looked stressed. The father called to his wife to come take a look at the lizard. The wife said "oh my goodness, she's having babies!"" The boy was upset..."their names are Bert and Ernie"!! The father turned to his wife and said
"how can that be, we didn't want them to reproduce!" The mother replied "What do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" The father replied that she was supposed to have gotten two boys. She answered that on some guys, it's a little hard to tell. The parents turned to their young son and told him that he was about to witness the miracle of birth. "Oh gross!!" shrieked the boy. The wife wondered what they were going to do with a litter of lizards.
The lizard struggled and what appeared to be a foot would appear briefly, then disappear. This happened several times. The father said that the lizard did not seem to be making much progress. The horrified mother said "it's breech".
The dad reached in and grabbed the foot the next time it appeared, gently giving it a tug. It disappeared. This process was repeated several more times with the same result. The boy's sister said "should we cal 911, maybe they can talk us through the trauma?" The dad decided it was time to take Ernie to the vet. The boy urged his pet to breathe. His mother noted to him that she did not think lizards do Lamaze. The vet took Ernie into the examining room and observed him through a magnifying glass. The father said. "what do you think, doc, a c-section?"
The vet mumured something about this being very intesting and asked to speak to the young parents privately. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" the mother asked. The vet told her that Ernie was perfectly fine, in fact the lizard was not in labor. In fact that was NEVER going to happen since Ernie is a boy. He continued that young male lizards as they came into maturity, like most male species, thry masturbate, just the way Ernie did lying on his back.
The wife said "then Ernie was just... just... excited?" "Exactly" said
the vet.
The wife started to laugh uncontrollably. Her husband wanted to know what was so funny. With tears of laughter running down her face, the wife explained "It's just... that.. I'm picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little...." The young father hurriedly thanked the vet for his help and ushered his family to the car. The boy told his father that he knew that Ernie was really thankful for what his dad had done. The wife agreed breaking into peals of laughter once again.

2 -Lizards - $140...

1 - Cage - $50...

Trip to the Vet - $30...

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's pecker - PRICELESS!

Have a good Labor day all,
Vampy