I haven't looked on the boards for a week, but saw a post from several days ago and wanted to elaborate.  I too am looking for a comfortable, no-strings attached business/social relationship and find that most providers have too tall of a wall up to form that relationship.  There are one or two exceptions, but even then, you have to be careful with getting what you ask for.

For example, I received a PM on my phone from one of my ATFs whom I had not seen in many weeks on Valentine's Day, which resulted in a chain of racy flirting, and when she asked if I was available on Thursday, I said OK, but I wanted to see her for 3 hours and asked her to name her rate (as she has not 3-hour rates).  I received no response and have not received a response since.  Considering that we do enjoy each other company on a social basis from time to time, I believe that I took an invite to hang out socially as a business proposition.  To be sure, context gets lost in the electronic translation.

However, the dual nature of the hobbiest/providers relationship (both social and business) is difficult to maintain regardless of the chemistry.

Agreed. Seems every time that I get to a level in a relationship of social vs business things get mixed up, complicated and/or misunderstood. It is truly difficult to balance them both.

I also agree.  I recently had to bring an end to a relationship I had with a most excellent dancer at one of the local clubs because we both got a bit confused about where the line between business and social relationships was.  In my own defense, I don't think I was the one who moved it all over the place, but I am guilty of trying to follow the dance instead of simply asking, "What does this mean?"

The hard part is that I'm still foolish enough to want it to mean something.  I know that's somewhat childish, in general, in the 21st Century, and in particular when dealing with someone in the Adult Entertainment Business, regardless of the role she plays.  (Private Shows, by the way, if you can find a good dancer, can be wonderful if you can manage to keep your eye on the line!)

The right relationship with a Provider is exceptionally difficult to find, but I like to think it's worth the effort (and the not inconsiderable money one spends searching for it) because it has in it rewards that can be found in no other way.  I don't regret my relationships.  I do, however, try to learn from them.

I suppose this post was somewhat off topic, and it was certainly no more than a bit of personal venting, but I wanted to say it to someone, and this was really the only place to put it.  My apologies to those I may have bored.

Fred

Nothing to be ashamed of Fred.  I, too, have strayed/danced around that fine line more than once.  The dance can be exotic, the fall less so.  Keep on keeping on.

It sure sounds like she invited you for a night out - socially but you (kinda) screwed it up by asking "how much".  Too bad she just didn't say that up front.  She, most likely, enjoyed your company in the past and on that special evening wanted to make it "special". OR - is it just MY fantasy?  I'm confused too!

I think this may happen more then we think... and no apologies necessary... I have had some very great rewards trying to go this route… but it really does get very difficult dealing with the hobby/relationship of any type.  It can be very hard to keep the two separate and when that does happen my best advice is just to move on... I just took a lesson in it myself

If people would just "truly" say what they want, it wouldn't be so confusing or misleading. "Just ask," I always say. You might hear "no" and you might hear "yes."  Call your ATF and find out if she's mad about your suggestion of a donation. It's that easy.

Hugs,
Ciara

The old saying “you get what you pay for” is true, and believe it or not, it is much, much truer in the provider/client relationship than most clients would like to admit; and, no matter how unsophisticated, every escort-and probably every woman-knows this.

Most men, who pay for sex, are searching for something. They feel there is something missing, or broken in there lives. It might be something very shallow and simple. They just want a “good time” every now and then, i.e. “shouldn’t this be fun”. Or, they could have masculinity issues and they think that buying the services of a prostitute/escort will make them feel like a “man”. Or, they may have power/gender issues and paying for sex makes them feel as though they are finally in control of a woman. Or, they may think that paying for sex will facilitate greater acceptance by other males. Or, they have tremendous feelings of inadequacy tinged with quilt that stems from unresolved childhood issues. Men who pay for sex may be the unfortunate partner in and unfulfilling empty shell marriage. Or, they may lack the ability, and social skills to maintain a long term heterosexual relationship. Or, simply, they may be fat, and ugly and just plain repulsive to women. Also, it is very true that many men who pay for sex are unconsciously (or consciously) repressing feelings of homosexuality, and they feel that paying for sex is away of proving themselves to themselves and others. These maladjustments are often uncomfortable, painful and anxiety producing; and, they are often blatantly apparent in the reviews, chat rooms and other interactions that take place between members of a community such as this. But, to get to the point, the list of the things that men think they are buying when the rent an escort goes on and on and on.

However, the reality is that they are buying a fantasy and a very simple, basic, and often juvenile sexual fantasy at that. Every provider knows this. Providers also know that the fantasy is embellished by the perceptions of the client.  When the client starts to “think” and then begins to "feel" that this business “deal” is developing into something “more”, it is usually just a one sided embellishment that is fostered by the inadequacies and maladaptation of the client.  It is a misconception this is encouraged and promoted by the provider to keep the money rolling in…

Deep down inside, possibly at a subconscious level, most clients are buying sex and secretly hoping and praying for some grand, whoop-tee-do of a psychological miracle, and every escort knows this. That is why you pay so much for a product that is much more wonderful and gratifying when naturally shared for free. Again, every adult entertainer knows these things. So, don’t fool yourself fella’s, “you get what you pay for”… Give it some thought. I love you all, PEACE….Sheika Fatima


-- Modified on 2/24/2006 1:19:33 PM

-- Modified on 2/24/2006 1:28:31 PM

As with any relationship, even in this setting as some would like to think that it's just about business, but the end result in all relationships between men and women, weather we meet at a night club, the grocery store, through friends and family...the dating process or the weekly visit as we spend time getting to know each other, we can all fall in love, be infatuated, or just the simple lust of it all.

Communication is the key word, If we don't talk about our feelings or know where we stand, then were lost when something like this happens like what your talking about.  
If your know sure, she's not sure...then were left wondering....

I think people need to share feelings with each other weather friends or lovers...

I do believe love can happen in the strangest places...I for one haven't found that place or that person, but I'm hoping someday...

Be open and communicate....

kisses
Terri

Well, babe, your post reminds me of a country and western song that was quite popular awhile back in this here ol’ U.S of A.. It was very all American and straight forward and it was recorded by a lady. Its message was: Lookin’ for Love in all the Wrong Places.
Sorry,love,it’s just my opinion. SHEIKA FATIMA


-- Modified on 2/24/2006 4:45:51 PM

as my very intuitive mother has often said in reference to assessing any male/female relationship - "if you have to ask, then you are not going to like the answer".  Put another way, I like to think we had some chemistry (i.e., able to anticipate each other, in conversations or otherwise), but if I "have to ask", then I am incorrect.  Anyway, I did IM her back that same day asking, "Hey, what happened?  What did I say?", but alas . . .

nor do I look only in one place.
Where do you think I might be looking that's so wrong?  and  What's wrong with it anyway, it may be wrong in your opinion, or your values or YOUR WAY of THINKING..
It's only wrong if it feels wrong to the individual,

That's why they call this the land of the free and the home of the brave..."Brave" that we can speak our feelings openly and be respected for them....


Please don't be sorry, I feel good about my choices and who I choose to see and where to look

I especially feel good about being an All American Lady and a Country Girl at Heart

And that's my opinion, Love  

xoxoxo
Terri