Was thinking about this today and felt like sharing my reflections. I suppose it's really more like 20 years as my first sexual experience was with a pretty young mexican provider in Juarez when I was 18 or 19. I just turned 38 yesterday. Raised in a fairly religious household gave me a heaping pile of guilt after that experience.
So I married young and had a terrible marriage that ended 2 years ago. There was no sex or love, just fighting and misery, but I had two kids right away and time just flew. I was totally faithful for 7 years before getting an erotic massage with happy ending at a dirty apartment in Austin, TX. I was hooked and a real estate agent at the time so i had some freedom from my very controlling (emotionally abusive) wife. I was hooked. That was 10 years ago more or less. ASPD.net was the review board and I reviewed lots of girls who became my surrogates for my awful marriage.
Wife picked up and took the kids to PHX where she is from without me knowing. She was leaving me, or trying, but I couldn't see that. I was scared to be alone and the kids needed a family. Another 6 years of marriage and I come home to an open email account after some strange wife behavior. A picture of a big penis alerted me to the affair. Old boyfriend. She was with him during our entire engagement and she (wrongly) thought he fathered our daughter. DNA proved otherwise. She wanted to be with him, not me and she left me and the kids.
I've often wondered if the hobby contributed to the failure of my marriage. In reflection, it actually prolonged it. Gave me an outlet and filled the important gaps in my marriage. In some ways, it made my life worse. Without the hobby I would likely have divorced after 7 years or had an affair that would have been discovered. She never knew of my hobbying and still does not. I never had an affair, that is, an emotional relationship outside the marriage. Are both cheating? I suppose.
I am with someone new now, but I still love the hobby. My current gf I met through the hobby. She was not an advertised pro on BP or reviewed here, but really, who cares. She is sexually available, but I still feel the need for the excitement that only a provider can give. Even my "bad" experiences gave the necessary thrill. The lead up, the anticipation.
The one thing I appreciate about the hobby is the ladies. I recognize it as maybe the hardest job and not one that anyone could do. The ability to rationalize behavior is critical in this activity and does not always come easily given prohibition in our society. There are some that believe that as a society we have become sexually enlightened, or at least sexually acknowledged. I disagree and i would assume most here would as well.
It bothers me greatly to read about child slavery and exploitation. I'm sure that fuels law enforcement and the conservative movement. I hope I have not contributed to that, but if I'm honest, I probably have. Unknowingly, I hope anyway. The internet has made the profession glossy and legitimate appearing, but I know there are still those who are in it without consent. I like independent girls, but who's to say that someone else wrote the ad? The review boards help, but I can spot a fake review rather easily, or at least I think I can.
I'll stop here. If you read this much, thanks! I have lots more to say. If you want to hear it, let me know. If you want to tell me stop, well, go ahead.
So, I continue. And keep it to myself. Except here, one of the only places I can be completely honest. That's why I post reviews. I can't tell anyone else.
