clean pool - no
swab the decks - no
clean the house - no
make drinks with little umbrellas in them - yes

do your grocery shopping - yes
cook meals for you to put in your freezer or fridge - yes

give an hour massage without trying to have sex during that time. Must be good at massage and not have Freddy Kruger hands - yes

look good in either a red Speedo, Hawaiian boxer shorts or pirates clothing and leather, thigh-high boots - red Speedo no, Hawaiian boxer shorts ok, shopping at AJs in pirates clothing and leather, thigh-high boots usually attracts a crowd

does that pass your initial screen?