Married guy, looking to get find a provider....is this wrong?  I do feel a tad guilty, but after many years - we're stale.  Opinions anybody? Married guys - what are your thoughts?

Probably 99% of the gentlemen I meet are either married or have a girlfriend so I don't see the wrong in it at all. I see myself as part therapist and am happy to be able to help keep your marriages together by providing a little service that's lacking at home. It's also brought me insight to you men, that I didn't know before and I appreciate you all so much much more now.

I would like to offer a little historical perspective on this subject:

As "hobbyists" (hobbist? hobbits?) we are patronizing (and enjoying) the "second" oldest profession on earth (Shamans and Shamanism are the oldest profession, actually)

Early tribal cultures sexual practices tended toward promiscuity, with monogamous and celibate relationships being rarities.  In early tribal cultures (often matriarchal rather than patriarchal) polyandry (one woman - many husbands) was actually more common than polygamy as male-female relationships formalized.  After all, survival of the species (ours) depended upon a robust sexuality with as much genetic diversity as possible.

Monogamous marriages really did not gain legitimacy until later when women were viewed as "property" and the human species had moved from tribal and aboriginal culture to more complex agricultural and industrial cultures.  The original justification of monogamy was to ensure the purity and perpetuation of noble blood lines.  As society has become more dependent upon money and commerce, the "blood of noble birth" argument has become quite inconsequentual.

Even today, the principle of monogamy is not universally accepted or practiced:

Polygamy - or more accurately polygyny - (polygamy = many marriages; polygyny = many wives) is authorized (but not required) in Islamic societies with a maximum, I believe of 4 wives.  And don't forget the Mormons!

Polyandry is still practiced among the Sherpas of the Everest.

Other forms of accepted marital relationships include:
endogamy = the requirement to marry someone who belongs to his or her own group,
exogamy = the requirement to marry someone from another area, and, of course, common-law marriage.

As far as the attempts of Western religion to portray Monogamy as a moral/ethical imperative - I say only - consider the source!  The Catholic church originally endorsed the marriage of priests & nuns.  The Catholic Church revoked that endorsement and imposed a pledge of celibacy primarily (IMHO and the opinion of many scholars) to ensure that the estates and wealth amassed by its priests and nuns would pass to the Church and to no one else!

If you want to pack your bags and go on a guilt trip, then so be it!  But I recommend leaving the bags at home and simply enjoy the services these wonderful ladies provide!

Hey, I am a happily married guy fairly new at this hobby, but I will tell you this, A little fling in this arena that is a lot safer than other options out there so stop feeling guilty and enjoy!!  Monogamy is unnatural in my opinion and that is why there are so many sexual hangups in the world today.  Little Debbie said it best, she is a part time therapist that sends clients home happy ready to deal with everyday life.  Any other opinions as to why this hobby is so popular in America today?

I just had my first time with a provider and I'm also married. After being together for 5 years our sex life is hardly one. Over the last year I ended up just masterbating to Porno. Then I got the nerve up to try a provider. What a differnce it has made. I'm back with my wife our sex life is much better. It has engerized me some how. Its strange and you wouldn't think it would have this kind of effect, but it did. Only if there was some way I could be honest with my wife, but I don't think it would work she would never understand.

Just came across an article in a cultural anthropology magazine that is calling the 20th century as the "age of the concubine"!

Steve, the only thing you should feel guilty about is not allowing yourself to improve your situation/life. If you are feeling unfulfilled in any aspect of your life it is up to you to fix it. Marriages are a lifetime commitment (theoretically) and a lifetime with the same sexual partner is going to make sex seem stale ... because all of the 'mystery' is long gone. There are few things more erotic than exploring a new partner. It will liven up your sex life and you will end up feeling it in all aspects of your life. It will give you a whole new energy and you will share that with your wife which means you will both win.

The real reason that you feel guilty is because you live in a society that has programmed you to feel that way.

I'm in 100% agreement with all of you, but do you think our wives would see it our way??? If only they would, all of our relationships would be much better.

I think that in any good relationship everything should be true in both ways. So I'm wondering how would you feelif it was your GF/wife going out and having fun to get what she thinks she doesn't get at home.

I'm talking in general since I know that anyone has specific reasons to be in the "hobby", reasons that I'm talking about here.

I'm single so I don't have to worry about this, but I gave some thoughts about it. I'd like to hear yours

Maybe James Simmons comments on the subject will help explain it better to the wife!

"So do not think of helpful whores
as aberrational blots;
I could not love you half so well
without my practice shots."

James Stewart Alexander Simmons (b. 1933), Northern Irish poet. Cavalier Lyric.

The Columbia Dictionary of Quotations is licensed from Columbia University Press. Copyright © 1993 by Columbia University Press. All rights reserved.

that sex outside of marriage is wrong. That is why wives won't understand and men feel guilty for just considering it. Other cultures are able to distinguish the difference between love and sex and benefit from it. Our society dictates that you can't have one without the other and we suffer because of it.

I wish that there was a way of showing wives how much more relaxed and happy their husbands could be if allowed to enjoy providers and how much better and stonger their relationship would be because of it. So far, with church and law promoting sex as sinful and degrading outside of marriage, I don't see how we can make anyone see the benefits of it :o(

IkneadU - Re "making others see the benefits" -  For the open-minded, receptive, and tolerant = no arguments are necessary.  For the others? Well, I can only offer the advice my pappy gave me: "never attempt to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent!"

I agree with all the above mentioned issues...thank you for your valuable insights.  The basic premise is we all seem to agree sex outside marriage is wrong, however, we (MEN) would be better off and our marriage would be better if we "worked" with a provider - right?  Therefore, our own sex lives would seem less stale and we could bring excitement home to the bedroom again - not sure I buy that, however, I may have to give it the Ole College try!  Thanks again everyone....it's simply comes down to individual choices I believe.

I perfectly understand your point about a fake moralism and I agree with you. What I wanted to say is that what should true for men should be true also for women. So if women should understand the benefits of their men enjoying the company of another woman once in a while, men should understand if their women once in awhile would try the pleasure of another man. But how many men even in this hobby would understand that ?

Point well said! LOL

Your pappy was right... and there's a whole lotta 'unarmed opponents' out there! LOL