If you know me you know how rely on the wisdom of Zen, and if you really know me you know how much I rely on sacrasm, there is nothing like a Wise Ass lol. Below is something someone sent me and thought I would share and hopefully make a few of you smile.
Kisses,
Malissa xoxo

ZEN SARCASM
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
    for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much
    leave me the hell alone.

2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
    neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

3. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
    promoted.

4. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
    car payments.

7.Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
   That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their
   shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
    and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
    probably worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

13. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
     it back in your pocket.

14. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
     moving.

17. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

18. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

19. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
    on the same night.