First I would like to say thanks to everyone who has been so great to me the last couple of months! I have been here so much because I have had such a great response to my visits
 Now guys, Here is something that bothers me and most of the other ladies as well. A guy sees a lady for a couple of appointments and then calls and just wants to go to lunch or have a drink. I would find it acceptable if I had known him over several regular appointments and then only before or after a session. What is not acceptable, and seems to be cropping up more for us is the client we have seen a couple of times and then they call us up and  wanting to go have just a drink, lunch or dinner only. Guys please, we are working, escorting is our business and most of us don't have time for unpaid companionship.
 If we do make the decision to go for a bite or a drink, it is at our discretion and time is always a factor. Please don't put both of us in an awkward position by asking to meet you outside of our professional relationship.

Donna, thanks on behalf of all providers, I too have had this problem.If it's the providers idea then of course but sometimes you avoid seeing good clients because they want more and more of your time without being on the clock.I find it easier to be busy when they call then to make excuses as to why I cannot sse them.Victoria

In all fairness, some clients ask because they are lonely, isolated borderline mental cases that can't separate fantasy from reality.

Face it, this business is all about money, money, money. If a provider says "yes", you can be sure she-or someone behind the scene-is playing the money angle.

PEACE,

Sheika Fatima

-- Modified on 7/18/2006 6:01:38 PM

-- Modified on 7/18/2006 6:37:35 PM

Well Mr. Johnson, In your case I can understand  you are great company and being an atractive guy I am sure you get alot of YES but sometimes women say yes because they are put on the spot and we do not want to hurt anyones feelings.

Business is business and personal is personal. There are actually many examples of hobbiests and providers moving beyond a "business relationship" {I'm aware of over a dozen here in PHX alone).

Personally I think there is no harm in asking and no foul in saying NO.....

I am aware of a few of those instances too; though not nearly as many. And, in those instances where things have progressed beyond a business relationship, the provider initiated the first steps in the progress...

Also, I've known providers who have developed relationships outside of the business and who have had their hearts broken when the object of their affection learns that they are an "escort"...

Please tread lightly in this sensitive and emotional area. There is danger afoot.

Sheika Fatima

Very well put
I have people that I love going and having lunch with after an appointment. Usually it is because we both have time and like each others company. BUT it is when you do that and they take it beyond and then call and ask if you want to have lunch only and when you say you are sorry but you really need to work they respond with a "Maybe next time then". Basically saying that since you enjoyed their company enough to possibly have a bite to eat with them some time they will not do apointments anymore. I am not a dating service. I care but I am not looking for a boyfriend. That base is covered.

I have said yes before. But after I knew someone and they understood that I wasn't a dating service. I am glad you have posted this because I realize I was not completely clear in my first post. I'm kinda bad at explaining myself sometimes If you know someone and they know that business is business and other stuff is dependant on time and comfort. Nothing wrong with making friends in this crazy world

Things happen when two people are physically inimate. As a general rule a provider will develop a high level of compartmentalization (how couldnt you) that allows enjoyment with professional seperation. In addition any "good" provider has a high level of empathy (all in all I'd say the encounter is less about sex and more about some level of interaction beyond that).

Obviously the "john" is at a disadvantage....what for him might be "once in a lifetime"....may be "another day at the office" for you. It doesnt mean you dont care...and it doesnt mean you didnt have fun (alot of folks love what they do)...but in the end it is WORK. That dicotomy (sp?) is hard to overcome. When a client reaches a point like you described then its simply time for him to move on (unless you in fact want something "more").

Personally I've had a couple of gals who've "touched me" at a deep emotional level. Both of them know it...at the same time I've never just had "lunch" with either one....simply the recognition that maybe "in an other lifetime" something more might have developed. To me thats simply honestly, compassion and respect....after all no one wants to be viewed as a product. I've found it never hurts to tell someone you love them....you might not ever get the chance again.

Being married, I don't date providers or anyone else.  However, if I were single and, after seeing a provider over the course of at least a few months, I could see that I might be attracted enough to want to see them.  I wouldn't have any problem in asking them out.  Being a direct person, I appreciate a direct answer.  If the provider said no in a friendly way, I wouldn't have an issue with it and it wouldn't affect my coming back to her as a provider.
That being said, I couldn't see ever dating a provider seriously.  The hours suck, the customer suck, she sucks (not in a bad way)... well you get the picture.

...but I'm neither lonely, isolated, nor unable to separate fantasy from reality. There are a few (exactly 2)women who invite me to dinner and work their schedules around mine. One woman is lonely and isolated in spite of her professional popularity. The other values my guidance in her other budding career. Both are busy enough that they sacrifice money to spend time with me -- when it's convenient for me. If, moreover, I couldn't separate fantasy from reality, please be aware my reviews always include a disclaimer that I have absolutely no idea if and when women who are intimate with me have orgasms, and that I'll only presume to describe the pleasures they provided me with.

Just curious these escorts and Hobbiest that have moved beyond, these 12 or so. how many moved on with single men that were available? Or did they take up  having affairs with  married men .My personal feelings are that while affairs of the heart while exciting, can cause heartbreak to SO and family. what about the providers SO and her feeling and Famiily? I am a romantic and would love to be in love again somtime but I think the hobby is a longshot, I never say never as I know there can be exceptions,unfortunatly  it is True all the good ones are married and guess what?     Their all at my house. Victoria

...invite a woman to dinner after an appt., most often the woman graciously thanks me and explains she has friends awaiting her or family commitments. She reflects gratitude and warmth, but she declines. No feelings hurt. No harm done.
On the other hand, sometimes the woman is just hungry. Recently Scott from AZConfidential agreed to the requests of some beautiful women to have dinner with me on two separate occasions following appts.

...so I'd respectfully suggest when you have that first lunch, please understand most guys (if they're like me) are imbeciles when it comes to women. We get confused when we go from the bedroom to lunch. Were I in your position I'd say something to the guy at the first lunch to lower his expectations. If you say it kindly enough, most of us will get it and respect your time in the future.

that the overall statistics mirror society at large (which is pretty bleak). However I know of at least 3 that are long term current and 2 that lasted for 2 or more years. As for hurt and heartache....it comes with just being alive.

I understand and agree with where Donna is coming from on this as it relates to a gentleman becoming too emotionally involved with a lady. However, I am aware of many cases where a guy extends such an offer just because he enjoys the lady's company (or visa versa) and there is no "emotional" element to things at all. I myself, have treated a number of the girls to drinks, lunch, dinner, dancing, the theater, public social events, etc., just because I like them as individuals, enjoy their respective personalities and take delight in the fun we can have outside the bedroom WITHOUT all the BS that gets involved where emotions are at play. Apparently, some number of the ladies feel the same way as they have taken me up on my offers over the years.

I am confident that there will be a variety of thinking on this subject from both the gentlemen and ladies alike. Some may wish to keep things strictly business, time and money driven and others may not.



-- Modified on 7/18/2006 9:50:14 PM

Glad you used "some" in your first sentence.

Are you not willing to consider that sometimes (perhaps a majority of times) that a provider and a hobbyist (or better put - just two people) can get together without money being the driving factor?

...or lonely as all hell...because I for one will be the first to ask a gent to take me to dinner.  I had a first time appointment with a gent this past weekend and before we even did anything, I told him he was taking me to dinner.  I/we had the time of our lives...thanks honey by the way.

It is a money game; but, if I feel a closeness or friendship developing with someone, I'll do dinner and drinks in a heartbeat...each is own though.

MsManae
www.yourstonight.com

P.s.  Don't get carried away now guys.

I was the lucky one. BTW I agree with Donna I would never call a provider and ask her to lunch or dinner...I am a realist the vast majority of providers do not see us because of our charm or good looks...its business. Sometimes we hobbyist can think to much of ourselves.

However Manae asked and I was thrilled and it was a hoot.

BTW fellas Manae is not one to be missed. She is one sexy wild gal and does things that very few providers can do and it is a real turn on. At least for me it was.

If you want good looks and wild beyond beyond belief sex I would urge you to give Manae a call.

Well, maybe not just no. How about, "oh honey, that is a very kind offer but as a rule I don't mix business with pleasure, but thank you anyway".

One way is to say what Donna said in her post, only to the guy who asks. Don't hem and haw. Just explain your position, firmly, kindly, but don't just say you're busy or have a prior commitment. That just encourages the guy who doesn't get it. Be up front and explicit. There are several women who I would enjoy having lunch with because they're delightful company (no "love" or emotional baggage involved), but would never ask because I understand their situation. I have been asked twice by two different ladies to go have a bite to eat after a session, but declined, even though I would have enjoyed the time--once because I didn't want people I know seeing me stepping out on my wife, and once because I know where the line is.

I’m really torn on this one because if the all-important connection is made with the lady I can’t help but considering spending time with her outside the office.  I would want her to accept any such invitation to extracurricular outings only if she feels the same way.  But it’s crucial to for the gentleman to understand it is purely at her discretion to except or reject without ramifications to the business aspect of their association any such invitation.  Be mature enough should you choose this path to accept any rejections as limits set by her.  The option to punch the clock and enjoy the fruits of her labor will remain if she too is mature enough to recognize your qualities.

That is exactly it I have had meals or drinks with people before and usually at my suggestion. I love the company when I am traveling anyway. BUT it is the people that see you two times and then write or call every time you come back and ask you to go eat or have drinks but they don't want a session. That is what I meant by not a dating service.

I agree, it doesn't hurt to ask!!!! sometimes after a good workout dinner just sets it all off!!!! Yum yum!!!!
just me 2cents!!
Terri

Re:Terri, next time, lunch after? (eom)

and you won't have to ask twice!!!!!!wink
hopefully sooner than later, too!
kisses

Excellent, down to earth and very stable post. What a wonderful surprize!

PEACE,

Sheika Fatima

Lunch during AND after? (different menu, of course) nice memories, Terri.

I ditto that, Dear!!!!!Oh! yes I do!

Why do you feel I am cynical? I am very interested in your thoughts and feelings about me...

The dynamics of the business and the context of the subject matter discussed on these boards foreshadows the prospect of "just two people" getting together without money and profit being a dominating issue. That is not being cynical, it is just being truthful. It is the business reality of this fantasy world. It is just the way things are.

Personally, I get together with other people all the time in various enjoyable venues where positive social interaction is promoted and money is NOT an issue. There are many such venues in which one may get involved. Most hobbyists ment their wives and began dateing in such venues. I do not think the business of selling sexual fantasy is one of these. And though we seldom see this veiw expressed, I believe the majority of those in the business would agree.

Again, I am very interested in your thoughts and feeling about me, about truth, about fantasy and reality, and about being cynical...

I love you all.

PEACE,

Sheika Fatima

-- Modified on 7/19/2006 9:38:23 PM

-- Modified on 7/19/2006 9:42:00 PM

-- Modified on 7/19/2006 9:46:34 PM

As the muffyman stated there have been occasions where I have "clicked" with a provider on an intellectual level and the conversation was stimulating on both ends. Since I don't have the kind of budeget for multiple hour dates nor would my ego allow it I have offered dinner first as an option.
If they say no then I look at as their loss and it is obviously just business.I would probably give the provider higher marks for giving me the illusion of something more.If they say yes I enjoy it for what it is without forgetting what line of business they are in.If I was a provider I think that if there was the slightest hesitancy that things would be perceived wrong I would pass.
At the end of the day we are all human beings with a variety of needs and wants. I have had situations where a provider had a personal situation where they needed some compassion and had I had the "provider" mind-set that many have I should have billed her for my time. I guess there is no steadfast rule---gee what a surprize.