Today, I had my second call requesting a reference for a client I'd recently seen--without any prior discussion of even the concept of references with the clients about whom the information was being requested.


Both times, this has happened, I've asked the person requesting the reference if I could please call them back momentarily--and then I tried to discreetly get ahold of the client...both times, to no avail.


Both requests appeared to be from legitimate sources. But, that can be difficult to substantiate from a brief phone call. But, I felt put in a difficult position--I really am all for giving references, as such communication helps to keep us safe; but a client's personal information (and I do consider even  acknowledging that I have seen him--and thereby confirming that he sees providers--is very personal information)

I might be being too paranoid. But, guys, please--if you're going to ask a lady for a reference, PLEASE call us or send us a brief email letting us know that we will be getting such a request. I am more than happy to help, but take privacy very seriously...

Thanks

CP

I verify the lady is legite just as much as when a client calls requesting a date.

If she calls you and you want to take a few moments to give her an answer- Just tell her you want to check and make sure or something.

If she's legit, great, call her back and give her the reference. There is NEVER a reason to contact the client (Even discreetly).

Discretion and privacy are two very big parts of this business, references are difficult because they border on violating these promises we vow to keep. But there is never a reason to contact the client.

You can tell the girl requesting the reference if you are UNSURE if you've seen him, To please ask him for some distinguishing details to help spark your memory, Or you can tell her if it's easier, for him to contact you and refresh your memory.

Hope this helps, I'm not attacking, I just don't see things the way you do.

I think a provider should NEVER contact a client unsolicited, the same way a client should NEVER approach a provider if they are in public (with friends or family, i.e off the clock).

Unfortunately, it may also be unrealistic to ask that in every case a client give you notice that they will use you as a reference since that is the same as telling you they are seeing the competition, right? (little awkward)

just my 3 cents,
--3Cs

At edit
On second thought, I think I have to agree that if a client is going to ask for a provider reference then a curtousy call in advance is good etiquette. That's how it works in the job world. This should be the same.
-- Modified on 11/21/2006 12:15:08 PM

-- Modified on 11/21/2006 12:29:33 PM

letting me know that ???? will be contacting me for a reference or they'll ask if it's OK if they give my name as a references (sometime in the future) it's always never a problem.

but if I just get contacted by the provider for a reference and I know him I again will always give a heads up, but I never discuss any personal info.

Although sometimes I may not remember the gent so I will need some more info as to our date.
There are a lot of Toms, Dicks, and Harrys....wink...heee heee
T

-- Modified on 11/21/2006 9:45:58 AM

unless of course it's not another lady in the business calling...

If it is a spouse or SO, just admitting you are an escort and see men is enough information, that she should have him call you is enough information, that are "Tina" is enough information, etc...

I get the entire "vows" of discretion fall to the ladies in this...don't give his information out unless he tells you to...but of course at the same time never contact him unless he contacted you first...and if you don't give the reference so he doesn't get the appointment you are wrong...but if you give the reference and he hadn't contacted her (or worse it wasn't another lady in the business) you are wrong...and of course if you contact him to know if you should give a reference you are wrong...at the same time he won't want to tell you in advance that he will be asking for a reference because (to his mind) you will be the petty woman that will lie or work him and not help him see someone else...which of course is again wrong...

I'm all for the ladies in this business working to keep things safe and discrete but the clients need to help, and not hinder, those efforts.

I can understand why clients might like the idea of all blame and responsibility falling to the ladies...but ladies, is it really so bad that you can't expect the slightest bit of assistance from the person you are working to protect, assist in seeing other ladies, and keeping from getting caught by the SO?  

How hard is it really for a client to contact a lady and simply say "Is it alright if I use you as a reference?" and if she says "yes" follow that after using her as a reference with a call or note saying, "Please be expecting a call from Miss X for a reference for me."?

That way the client knows the lady is only giving info he has authorised to whom he has authorised, and the lady doesn't have to try and figure out if  who contacted her is another escort, or a SO, or anyone else, and can be prepared to give the information when the call arrives...and knows that if she hasn't been given notice of a reference request to deny everything....including that she even sees "clients" or that the name asked for is her.

Unless we had an express understanding that it was OK to contact me at any time, I'd personally freak if a girl contacted me out of the blue like that.  And I'm not sure how loud I'd scream if it happened. Guess it depends on the situation.

But I agree, a guy should let his references know that they might be contacted.  Next time it happens, you do know you are entitled to simply do nothing, right?

I know there is holes, and a first person reference is best, but maybe if you had White Listed the clients in question in the first place, you would not have gotten the calls. I know it's not fool proof, but it is another tool at your disposal, correct?

NSF

This all would work if it were a perfect world HEE HEEE HEEE (note the saracasm here).

Here it is plain and simple:
If a lady wants a reference, She has to either CALL me from the phone number listed on her website/ter profile/ad OR email me from her listed EMAIL address.

If she does not have at least 3 reviews (Or if she doesnt have them for reasons on her own) I have to know her or know of her before I'll give a ref.

Sorry SO's you won't catch me slipping up!

Before you answer the phone...
You google the number and search it on TER to assure it is the number of a lady working in this business...

Then and only then do you answer the phone...
Then and only then if they ask for Tina do you say "yes?"
Then and only then do you make the excuses you talked about above such as "have him call me" or "I'm not sure if I saw him"...

because to an SO that finds your number on a phone bill...looks it up, and could call...you just answering and admitting anything like "I'll need some personal details to be sure I remember him" is enough...but hey you believe you are beyond making mistakes...and you expect no help from you clients in it...because Hell nothing ever goes awry with those so damn sure they are incapable of messing up.  (note...actual sarcasm...not a facetious line about a perfect world). *smirk*

No, Thats not what I was saying

Obviously: "Then and only then do you answer the phone...
Then and only then if they ask for Tina do you say "yes?"
Then and only then do you make the excuses you talked about above such as "have him call me" or "I'm not sure if I saw him"..."
This is not feasible.

Typically, I only get phone calls from local ladies (and I have those local ladies #'s stored in my phone) so recognizing when they call is not an issue.

Out of town ladies always email. And I can take the time I need to verify who they are before I click that "Reply" button.


I am not immune to making mistakes as I am human, but I have faith in my methods as thus far, they are what have kept me from any sort of trouble.

I just want to add that on the RARE occasion where I get a phone call from someone I do not recognize requesting a reference, I do ask them to please send everything Via the email they have advertised with.


-- Modified on 11/21/2006 9:11:48 PM