I've never quite figured out the sexual urge of men and women. Shoot, after spending over half century on this planet, I haven't been able to figure out women period.
For example, one night last week my ATF called and asked if she could come over. We've been seeing each other for over a year this was not an unusual request. Sometimes after she arrives she'll get a call and leave, but I don't mind, I understand. Well, she arrived around seven, we had some wine, I cooked a great dinner, and we enjoyed each others company. Toward eleven, we headed to bed and the passion started to heat up. Holding her, kissing her, I was excited and started to slide my hand down her body when she stopped me and said "I don't feel like it tonight, I just want you to hold me!".
"WHAT??!! What did you say?", I was stunned.
She says the words every man on the planet dreads, "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man". With a puzzled look on my face she continued "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do in the bedroom?".
Realizing that nothing was going to happen, I went to sleep.
The next day I opted to take the day off and spend with her. We went out and had a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, expensive department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different, very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one so I told her we'd just have to take them all. She wanted new shoes, what's a new outfit without new shoes, so I let her get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't know anything about tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said "That's fine honey, anything you want." She was near sexual satisfaction from all the shopping excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think that all dear, let's pay for this and go home!!!"
I could hardly contain myself, blurting out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face went completely blank and her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?".
I said "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when a murderous look appeared on her face I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm looking for a new ATF.
