As some of you are well aware, I've been trying to get out of a relatively volatile personal relationship with a number of highs and many lows. I'm proud to say that after two weeks on the couch, he finally left. Of course he stooped to the level of a high schooler and took plenty of things that were not his when he left like a coward in the middle of the day while I was at work. For example, he took $2,000 from me, all of the trash cans in the house, the laundry detergent, my shower head, Katie's dog food, my pots and pans, and the list goes on. However, small (but still annoying) price to pay for my sanity, solitude and the release of the dead weight. So, in a nutshell, Katie and I miss Jack and not much else.
Now, my question is to all of you who've ended a long term (5 years for me) relationship....how do you get over the boredom of living alone again and not having a built in someone to go to the movies with, yell at the tv with, go out to eat, etc.? I'm quite obviously not ready for the dating world and won't be anytime soon. Afterall, it takes some time to figure out who you are without that person again and I want to relish that time, etc. So, how do you get used to being a single as opposed to the other half of a couple?
I'm not lonely yet, just adjusting to being alone with Katie. For those who don't know, Katie is my 9 mo. old Dachshund and Jack is his dog, whom Katie grew up with. Katie's mourning the loss of Jack and spends much of her time sniffing around for Jack and rolled up in blankets that they shared while crying. It's really sad.
Anyhow, sorry to ramble. I have quite the migraine this morning from crying last night with Katie because I also miss Jack and I just thought.....what better place to vent my sadness and confusion and ask for advice than here? If you have any suggestions, I'm open to hearing them. I'm really doing pretty well, I'm just not quite sure how to function as a single yet. But I'm glad I'm learning.
Megan, I know how you feel. I am in a situation almost the same as yours. It is strange being alone after many years of being a couple but it does get easier with each passing day. Just give yourself time to grieve and then enjoy the solitude. I have managed to catch up on my reading, home improvements and lots of other stuff. Do things to take your mind off the fact that you are alone and know that being by yourself for a while is really a good thing. I know it sucks at first but now you don't have to consider anyone else but yourself when you have make choices in your day to day life and if you decide to change your mind, well, it's your perogative lol Keep your chin up sweetie, I am right there with you struggling daily to figure out where I fit in the world as a single woman too. If you ever want to talk, grab lunch or a movie give me a call. Even though I am now the single mom from hell lol (Teenagers can be soooo exasperating), I would love to spend a little grown up girl time with someone for a break in my days. Hugs, Malissa xoxox Remember what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. I never realized how strong I really was until I let myself fall apart and cry and then get up and get on with life.
I remember your situation. Mine wasn't leading a double life. He was leading no life. I'm the stereotype woman with a boyfriend who didn't work for three years and all of his problems in life were my fault. I thought if I just loved him enough and cared enough and was understanding enough, he'd straighten up and stop being so selfish and love me back. Expensive lesson I've learned, but I've learned that it doesn't matter what you do for people. If they're ungrateful, selfish narcissists, they'll never love anyone but themselves.
I'm happier now that he is gone. I miss the damn dog. LOL I'm a bit of a loner at heart, which I'm sure comes as no shock considering how little time I spend with this community off the boards. But it's still a little strange not being with him. Good strange, though. I'm going to insulate myself with friends as much as I can this weekend. Unfortunately, all of my friends are either married or part of a couple so I can't even really get any alone-girl time with them since their husbands/boyfriends are always around. But it's okay. I'll be all right. I admire your strength and had wondered only recently how you were faring. I'm glad to hear you're doing better.
Let's go to the movies together sometime soon. I work from 7-4 now, so I have most of my evenings free and weekends too unless I have appointments to enjoy. Shoot me an email and let me know what you have free in the upcoming week or so. I'd love to spend some time with another woman whose adjusting to life like I am.
(((((((((((((Malissa))))))))))) We're going to be just fine!
...losing the love of my life as well is a very eye opening experience to every aspect of life. Not knowing what to do with myself from minute to minute on a daily basis only makes one have to get in tuned with who you are. It can be quite a tramatic experience; but, one that will make you a much better person and very much intouch with yourself.
Call me when ya all are doing the girl thing...I would love to join ya all.
Heads up ladies...we are very powerful creatures. We bounce back stonger than ever!
I don't know you, but it sounds like you're much better off without him, so I'd suggest that you call a few pals and go out and celebrate your new beginning. ENJOY! P.S. Did the jerk really take your garbage cans?
Yeah, he really took my damn garbage cans. All of them. It's okay, though. You're right, I am much better off. I don't miss him, I miss Jack the doggie. I appreciate your advice. I am looking ahead. The way I see it, now that he's left I can focus on myself, my new career, my hobbies and maybe the man who will love me more than any other and whom I will love back will bump right into me. Thanks for your advice!
Time cures a lot of things. One of the things I try to do is the proverbial "stay busy". Friends, travelling, work. You need to believe your life is blessed and wonderful. It is. Look around. How many unfortunate people have less.
Looking for a healthy relationship means you start off healthy. Co-dependancy, fears, lack of self-esteem, are not healthy places to be - and a lot of us have been there at certain points in our life. And for those arrogant enough to not agree, arrogance is its own enemy. Emotions are irrational and caused by so many things in our past.
Mourn. Grieve. You don't have to do that alone if you have true friends. It takes a little time. Then, if you are looking of someone worthy of your love, put yourself in the right situations to find another healthy person.
But always enjoy each day. Because we are only given so many and we do not control that part of the puzzle at all.
And when love hits. Deep, honest and true. Let me know. I still haven't figured out what that is supposed to feel like in a healthy way.
I have a good friend from California, whom you know affectionately as "Spinner." Perhaps I will invite him to come here for a weekend in December and hook you guys back up? I understand your last meeting was outasight! Just let me know (fyi, he's going to Vegas this weekend).
I can't comment on the love part but, even though I lack first hand knowledge, from what I have read I think that you would be a whole lot of fun to "bump into".
I feel for you , Megan. I and my wife are slowly uncoupling and every weekend is numbingly boring. I find myself getting on planes just to get away from the empty house (she took the dogs). Stay busy, see friends and get another dog for your pup to play with. Make sure the dog is housebroken first, and do a trial to insure Katie likes the newbie. You'll be amazed at how happy Katie will be and how you will enjoy the interaction. Finally, rejoice that you are out of a relationship with a man who was not interested in supporting you either economically or emotionally.
"Now, my question is to all of you who've ended a long term (5 years for me) relationship....how do you get over the boredom of living alone again and not having a built in someone to go to the movies with, yell at the tv with, go out to eat, etc.?"
Your sentiments strike too close to home. I know all too well how you feel. I just got out of a long term relationship (10+yrs) and struggle with loneliness every day now. I wish I had someone to watch TV with and have dinner with too.
Stay close to your friends and family, try to make new friends, and do something you couldn't do before (I've taken up latin dancing). Stay strong, keep your chin up, and just take it one day at a time.
I know you'll hear this a hundred times but "It (really) gets better." Surround yourself with things to do outside of the house. I know it's hard, though, when you have an animal because there's the guilt trip of leaving poor Katie alone. Buy Katie some new toys with only your scent on it and slowly remove the blanket with Jack's scent on it from her and wash it. This may sound cruel but animals need a lot of the same recuperation as people. Just keep busy. It's always helped me. Of course, I haven't had a romantic relationship in awhile. I guess this is probably why. It's so much easier to go out with friends and come home to the babies (pets) without the mess. I wish I could give you better advice, but "time heals all wounds." If it helps, take down pictures of him for awhile until you're comfortable about putting them back up. I can almost bet that you'll want to eventually place them in a photo album for memories but not have them "in your face" all the time.
...you're LOVELY. How long do you think you're gonna have to wait before someone asks you to go to the movies on a civie date? Some guy's probably picking up the phone to call you right now....
I've was married for some time, divorced for reasons that were clearly not my fault, and was in the same situation you are in . . . then I started dating professonal women in my age-group (early 30s) and found that the artificial age-based agendas dampened any real longing for passion (which I find necessary to actually marry someone . . . imagine that!) . . . so my solution (3+ years after divorce): I have a close group of friends, a female friend-with-benefits, and occassionally engage in the hobby.
I suppose my course of action is not going to be of too much help in the long-term, but in the short-term, my advice is to keep yourself too busy to feel sorry for yourself.
(Megan - see my previous mail message from a few months back.)
have to hold your head up high and Say to your self....things happen for the best. Sweetie they do, I've been divorced now for 19years and It was very hard in the beginning with a baby, I have grown into a better person and found that life was better...You have a much better support system than I ever had. You should know by now that you are a wonderful person and you have so many people that do care and love you....That is what it's all about, just keep thinking about all those people who do care and love you,,,That puts a smile on my face just seeing the response that you have gotten here on a open board, and I'm sure you have gotten some private love notes...So baby, just keep your head high, and keep that always enlightened outlook that you have shared with us over so many months (that I know of anyway) You are a beautiful person inside and outside!!!!
I always find it shocking that girls in this profession can actually have boyfriends and or husbands. If I were a guy, I could not take my woman being with 2-3 guys sometimes more everyday. I would be insane with jealousy. Any guys had an escort for a girlfriend...just curious how did you deal with it? At least you aren't truly "lonely" you have plenty of clients I am sure. I am the lonely one my man left me almost a year ago and I am not a girl that goes out to meet the guys I am just the owner and coordinator...so keep that in mind the next time you are feeling lonely atleast you interact with gentlemen still and not with just a conversation over the phone! Good luck...
Okay worth a thousand words you are telling me that Dr. phil is calling me a psycho obviously you don't know Dr. Phil very well, you mine as well tell me next that Santa Claus thinks I am one next but that is obviously why you have such a large picture of doctor Phil on file so you can whack off while posting your stupid post...atleast you could have chosen a guy with hair you stupid faggot!
This show hit orbit from DAY ONE. Being one who can think for myself, I do not need another hour long blabber fest to kill daytime television. The ONLY reason this show has any ground is because "Dr." Phil is nothing more than Oprah's media whore. He is an opportunist who warps the mind of women who cannot (or are afraid to) think for themselves. This show will be gone by the time the winter thaw occurs (I am being generous). Now, for those who imply that I am a psycho because "Dr" Phil says so...give me a f**king break! Speak for yoursef...you are a psycho if you watch this waste of time side show freak! There are some of us who have talent but actually know how to use it for BETTER outlets than crap like this (look at Alex Trebek and Tom Bergeron). You better know who you are dealing with before you insult me because you will lose everytime. Besides, if you take time to devote yourself in defending this idiot and his practice in brainwashing, maybe YOU need to practice what you preach. I got a clue...do YOU?
We've never dated during your visits to San Diego (came close except for our schedules), but still, my heart goes out to you.
Yet, keep this mind, Megan. You should view any guy who has an interest in a catch like you as your personal audition. You control the board, now. There are guys who'll surely stand in line for a moment of your attention. Have them take a number. Heck, make them sit up and fetch, if that's your choice. You're a free-agent girl!
When a connection happens, you'll feel it, don't you think? Just believe on the upside and fulfill that vision and prophecy for yourself. Meanwhile, with each passing mile, the scene in the rearview mirror really does get smaller.
Dear Megan, you are such a great gal, I have the utmost respect for you, everytime I read one of your postings, well, this is my highest compliment, I wish my son to meet someone just like you and give me grandchildren some day from a smart, lovely woman I hope he marries. And really, everytime I read something you've written, it's in my mind, why can't my son meet someone like you? And Sharpdelta, god, that was to good what you responded with, you are 'sharp', and I believe like Terri, keep your chin up and smile, you've got a great life ahead of you, Love to you Megan, Kristi
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But I'm glad I'm learning.
