We all have our ATF's and in general would help them out whenever they're in a time of need.  If your ATF asked you for a loan to help pay for her kid's surgery and she promised to pay you back by a certain time, should you bring it up after the time has passed or simply count it as a good deed done?

I would bring it up....this is, after all, a business relationship, regardless of how you feel about her. If she promised to pay you back, and she hasn't mentioned it, it's time to discuss it.

Just MHO.

Man, that's touchy my brutha, but here goes.

Let's talk about being in need and your arrangement/relationship with your ATF. I have not and would like to know of a hobbyist here, when they were in a time of need and down and out, had a provider offer you companionship?

Did they say it's ok Sisboombah if you're having tough economic times, we can hang out and it's all on the house till you get your feet back up, because we have a "special" friendship here and I know you're a great guy....hmmm. In other words, has this ATF or any provider for that matter, offered to be with you without tribute just because you were a great guy? If you have, please PM me, I would love to get to know her. It would be nice to know of a provider who has such a humanitarian outlook on us hobbyists.

Regardless if there's an operation involved or not, I'm not seeing a correlation of a two way street here. Ultimately, the hobbyist/provider relationship is based on an exhange and it's not power but one of Coin. Generally speaking, when a hobbyists well dries up, so will his companionship time.

Also, this ATF that you speak of, have you ever heard of her make reference to having a child and one that was ill? If she was doing this as part-time or full-time, why wasn't health insurance provided for her child? Surely if you brought a child into this world wouldn't you want to at least provide insurance? I don't believe that all, but many providers enjoy being in a comfortable income bracket.

Lastly, and honestly, this call for help regarding a operation needed for a child sounds somewhat fishy, it just does. If I were asked to help anyone regarding something of financial magnitude, it would be required that I could see evidence of the situation at hand, that is of course if it were family then it would be different.

This post isn't meant to incite or insult anyone, but it is merely my opinion and it is to be taken as such. I hope that my post can provide you with a different angle in which to pursue this matter.

Good luck my friend


-- Modified on 12/26/2007 3:48:35 PM

Points well taken and I appreciate your response but let me throw this in the mix.  Wth most ATF's there are kickbacks to establishing a frequent business relationship.  Such as what most would pay for a dinner date I would get an overnight + a few hours.  And although free companionship was never offered, but given on a few occasions, I do enjoy a better rate than most.  If others are paying 4 bills and me only 2 how do you then approach her and say you owe me money.  I just don't want to ruin a good thing.

Only lend money that you can afford to lose. Otherwise, you will be disappointed later on.

... ask for her to repay the loan and you will quickly see where the relationship really stands. If she's a stand up person, you'll get the money back. If you get a story, look for a new ATF. That's just my two cents.

Last year right before Christmas I fell for a sob story from a provider who was about to be evicted.  She promised to sign a promissory note and give security.  Needless to say, the note never got signed, the security never got posted and as for repayment--one more sob story after another--promises of "repayment" unfulfilled, promises to "make it up" broken, it was a scam, pure and simple.  Did I follow up?  Surely.  Did it do me any good?  Not a whit.

but were all not like this, this kind a thing makes all look bad....

I have about 4 clients that owe me! 2 of them are going to be out on a do not see list!!!!!
Terri

-- Modified on 12/27/2007 2:44:24 AM

you can afford to lose unless you get a signed note and you have varification of her real name...my guess is it would have to be witnessed also.  It sounds like you had a good arrangement with this provider and depending upon how often you saw her and what your financial condition is would determine what you think you can afford to lose.  From my experience, loaning to what I have considered good friends and even relatives, just doesn't work, they seem to think the relationship gives them special privledges...but that has been my experience.

If she doesn't have the money all at once to repay you, the best for both parties would be to work out a reduced session rate until you are repaid.  She sounds like a decent person, if she was giving you that good of a break on her regular rate, so talk it out, preferable face to face.  Good luck and let us know how it all ends up.

I agree, if you can loose the money, and it will not bother you to not get it back, then lend if you want to. Otherwise move on to another atf.

From what you said you have already loaned it to her and the time has passed that she said she would pay it back.  So I recommend calling her and making an appointment.  When you are face to face with her ask her if she has the payment for you.  If she gives you story after story - which is NOT right, just consider it a good deed and move on.  I am sorry this has happened to you and you were taken advantage of.  But give her a chance to make it right.  Just my two cents.  

Misty



-- Modified on 12/27/2007 7:48:36 PM

ask her how the child is doing.

will he/she be needing follow up surgery or medical care ?  offer to her some suggestions about how to go about getting medical insurance for her family whether it be ahccs or one of the many reasonable private plans available to people who are self-employed.

you would be concerned that she doesnt end up in the same situation in the future.

this should naturally bring the discussion to your debt.
if she says she doesnt have your money, ask her how much of it does she have

if she says none, you've been robbed and she's the one who messed up a good thing.

Kid's surgery
Car Stolen
House Payment

All classic signs of a girl who is playing you.  Even ATF's do this.  Actually, more often, ATF's do this.  They get a sense of how much $ you have, and how giving you are, and they often take advantage of that.

Sorry this happened to you.  Would you be willing to share with us who did this to you?

Your money is gone but you did get extra services that you didn’t pay for like the overnight visits and extra hours. So write it off and move on.

I agree...but...I Have given lower rate or taken nothing for my time to a reg.because he was having a rough time at that point in time.and we had a special freindship....this is NOT something I do all the time but...sometimes you need to have compassion for people and I do. I also LOVE and ENJOY  what I do very much.This not something I would do all the time but....if you have been seeing that person on a reg. basis for 3-4 months..then you have made a bond....at least that is the case with me. I treat all hobbist as a friend....and I would do almost anything for a friend. That being said...Happy New Year!!

Well, let us just say at some point in time we all fall into a sucker or stupid. I will be the first to stand up and say I was.One of the "good" providers who had a full time job was doing this on the side working for an agency,one of her employees who was always trying to get a date with her saw her agency ad and called her by the "provider" name one day and she was so humiliated that she quit her high paying job. She did not want to provide anymore as she was tired of the scene. Well, not working at a real job and not wanting to work as a provider anymore she was going broke. First it was her electricity got turned off and I paid that for her, only because she said she wanted to quit the escort scene and needed help. Next it was her phone.Next her car payment. All the time saying she can't escort anymore,it is so disgusting etc. I finally told her, she needed to get a real job then and I would not be her bank anymore, it took some time but she realized it.She has a college degree. I am slow, but eventually I learn.Won't do that again.BJN

Sadly this happens, but if it was said to be a loan and she would repay by a specified date, I would at least ask if she needed a little more time or had part or what ever. I mean it is awkward... but if I were to "borrow" and promise to re-pay, I would do so as I stated or at least have the decency to let the lender know why I was late or offer part and continue to repay the balance. My word is my word. I have a reputation to uphold and would not burn someone kind enough to loan me $. What if I needed to ever borrow again?
If I never kept my word then where would I turn?
Just my .02
Happy 2008,
C