I noticed that the erudite and sweet Sarah contributed to JDBY's eloquent thread on this topic, just as it dropped off the front page. Her comments (linked below, in case you missed them) got me thinking about an interesting poll.
JDBY suggested that providers offer a 30-minute "introductory special," and Sarah countered with comments about what seem, in my mind, an entirely different kind of experience.
On one hand, he's talking about physical attraction and personality, and on the other, she's about emotional connections.
It seems to me that TER reviews provide a search engine for one, but not the other. Scores and menus of Services Offered provide valuable information if it's important that your prospective provider does this or that, or has a particular look.
On the other hand, very few hobbyists take the time to write reviews that adequately describe the kind of session discussed by Sarah. (I dare say most who experience that might not post reviews at all.)
The Gallop Pole wants to know this: When you've had an amazing experience that goes beyond the alphabet soup and rating numbers, do you tell others about it? If so, how? If you were seeking such an experience, did you find it, and again, how?
If you read her posting then you know why she is so special. No provider I know has the whole package, brains, conversational skills, insight and the ability to put one at ease while bringing out the passion as she can time after time. She is not all fluff or standoffish, she is the real deal. The non play time with her is as good or better than the play time. I cannot count the time we have spent just talking, looking into each others eyes, either getting to know each other or catching up. Her points are valid for someone like me.
Yes, I have told others in private mail, but only to a minor degree - what they did with it is none of my business.
A near experience was with Paige of TLC, whatever happened to her?, but for a few different reasons. I spelled it out in my review due to the different reasons.
I touched on my experience with Sarah in a review, but not in great detail as what happened BCD stays BCD as it relates to that kind of intimacy.
ooooops
-- Modified on 2/5/2007 4:03:49 PM
-- Modified on 2/5/2007 4:04:16 PM
Paige now lives on the east coast. I don't know if she is still in the business. She was one of our faves!
Jackie, TLC
I mentioned adding another category. To allow for 10 10 10. The third would be fanatasy. I have seen many women who are beautiful outside, killer bods, etc. I have seen many who are incredible BCD. But then there is the illusion. Does she talk about her sessions for the day, is she changing sheets from the previous client or is the room made up, does she ofer you a drink, and a warm embrace before - during and after. Wash cloth provided. etc.
I was not referring so much to taking the time or effort of truly getting into someobody, though that is a beautiful experience when it happens. I am talking about taking away my cares (not just cuz she is pretty or is good bcd). I am talking about someone who does not let the "I have a boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other" conversation come up - from either side. Someone who spoils me with the fantasy.
That, in my mind, has been my problem with agency visits. No offense. In-calls not kept up. No illusion. But it also happens with indy's, so I cast no single opinion. Just less often with indy's, but heck, I usually have them to my place.
No, I would not be interested in paying for a half hour meet and greet as the post said. Yes, perhaps my experience has lead me to a path of expecting more than alphabet soup. Yes, put me on a timer and put a one, ahem, limit on it.
Given the above average ratings here in Phoenix and the fact that I have never heard a bad thing about anyone on 411 (they are all great says all the people I know), it is tough to discern the ladies who make the effort to provide fantasy from those that do not. I want lingerie, candles, a bottle of water, a hot towel and do not tell me about the previous client or even have evidence of their existence.
My half hour goal was to find some I could count on to be 10 10 10. No matter what happens. Just like I don't expect a surgeon to tell me they are having a bad day before surgery, I do not want to here bad vibe stuff before BCD - during or after.
I can tell what I am going to get in a half hour. Long term. Unfortunately I have not repeated much because of the missing 10 in my experiences - I can count on my fingers the repeats in my hobby experience. I am sure you are out there. It is just not the majority of the population. Heck, I'd say there are a lot of 4's and 5's in that category. And yes, I know there are exceptions.
Peace,
-- Modified on 2/5/2007 5:59:49 PM
-- Modified on 2/5/2007 6:02:40 PM
Dearest Gallop:
When a client approaches the hobby, with the intent of finding some sort of emotional solace in the context of a session, I think it is time to beware; and conversely, if an escort begins to market her service as something other than theatrics and grease paint, it becomes time for us all to take a step back and take a look at what is really going on.
The Sheika is concerned about the emotional maturity, stability, and well-being of any individual-whether client or escort-who has to use the hobby to find the depth of relationship that Gallop Pole is considering. It is painful for me. It is a very sad state of affairs. For Mr. Gallop Pole...
If there is one good thing that can be said about the reviews, it is this: For the most part, they ARE badly written porn; but, for the most part, they tell it like it is.
Fortunately or unfortunately-depending on your point of view-women are usually [and truthfully] objectified and depersonalized in the reviews; and, fortunately of unfortunately, that is a blatant truth of the escort trade; and, that is the way it should be…
For the most part, the product that concerns this community is a badly contrived, hastily constructed fantasy-A PORN FANTASY. A well-adjusted escort and hobbyist know this. Most session are straight forward, impersonal and over with in a hurry. They are a small—though very expensive--diversion from life. Prostitution is recreation. Some say this is healthy.
Now, if you connect with someone during a session, it is all well and good; but, Gallop, dear, if you confuse the reality of this “connection” with a mature affective emotional involvement; you are out of whack with reality. Your are incredibly naïve and immature. This is unhealthy, and it could be a portent of a dangerous state of affairs…
A case in point.
The Sheika just ran across one incredible, overly flattering review by an older reviewer. This strange fellow is known for his penchant for corny sex toys, but he hardly-if ever-mentions it in his reviews… Anyway, this guy is fool. This guy purchased a dry well [as we say in the Middle East]. He writes a review where he comments on the provider’s English accent, and her knock-out looks, and incredible sexy-outfit, etc. He also comments on the great quality of the atmosphere during the session and the ladies great demeanor and report This poor, lonely gentlemen is clearly smitten with this escort…Again, he is a fool. He has paid top dollar for a dry oil well and is too stupid and immature to know it…The review is an incredible embellishment!!! The escort was born and raised in Minnesota, her accent is a terrible caricature of what an English accent should be and her smile is phony. Her teeth are crooked and discolored. Her escorting out-fits are cheap costumes and her acting is terrible [While she is screwing, she makes the same distinctive, repetitive noise, over and over again.]. And, what is worse, she has a history of mental health problems.
Gallop, darling, let’s get real and tell it like it is. If you are seeking some type of emotional gratification from the hobby, you are like the fool who purchased the dry oil-well.
Let's get real... We will all be a lot safer.
LOVE AND PEACE,
Sheika Fatima
[email protected]
-- Modified on 2/7/2007 6:06:30 PM
-- Modified on 2/7/2007 6:10:50 PM
-- Modified on 2/7/2007 6:19:47 PM
As for the reviews and some of the fakeness, yup, it happens. I'll agree with that.
And for a while in my hobby career - I felt a bit like you do about the disconnect needing to happen between the physical and emotional. And for certain, there are some guys who CAN'T manage one or the other and less that can manage both in what I now believe, is the healthy way to approach the hobby. Same with the ladies.
Consider this. You do not need to objectify women. You can have an intimate and "managed" emotional experience with a provider. (even for one hour).
I am not suggesting in the slightest that the hobby is the ideal place to find a lot of long term emotional support, as one would say from a life long friend or family member. BUT - do not judge the depth of the people in the hobby, or their ability to develop a sort of "family" among themselves (providers with providers, hobbiest with provider). There is not one darn thing wrong with "connecting" to any human being on this planet.
It is the isolationist attitude that leads us to war. That leads us to judge others who are different. That leads us to negative views of people that are "different than us" in some small way.
Yes, some who write reviews objectify the women. A lot do not. I also know there are those in the hobby who are beyond the grease paint and theatrics, and are "real" in what they do. I have met a lot of incredible human beings in my life, and Mya and Jasmine are as honest and real as anyone I have met. If you can't connect with them (assuming the person is in touch with their own worlds reality), you can't connect with anyone.
I'll take my chance in life going down the path of encountering connections (various emotional levels of gratification) in this hobby rather than not. I want to stay in touch with the human race. For me, regardless of where I end up on my journey, I would rather have it be with my emotional spirit attached, then to objectify any human being - even if it costs me a bit emotionally. Yes, some may struggle with managing the physical from the emotional. But getting to that level of self-actualization makes life grand! No expectations other than people being nice to other people just 'cuz. Yea, a bit kumbaya for some folks. But it feels great!
Head down your path with a bit of caution. And keep an open mind to how beautiful a world it would be if we all cared about everyone we ran into a bit, even if for a moment..."what a wonderful life it would be."
And say a prayer for those who may be a bit confused, or struggling with their life. Yes, they may reach out to something which is not real, but it is what they need at that moment in life. There, but for the grace of.... well you get the point.
Blessings to all who keep it real and manage their spirit and can make some real (even if momentary) connections in this we call the "hobby".
Now, is what I said the 80% rule. Nope, but the 20% does exist.
That was one of the most cogent replies, yet. The Sheika can see that you have given the client/escort relationship a lot of thought. Unfortunately, you have minimized the monetary aspects of the contract. It is sex for money.
The Sheika has a great relationship with her [my] auto mechanic. We discuss the weather, fashion, and recently the Super Bowl. We have a friendly business relationship. And, though the man is a bit pricey, he is honest and he does good work. He keeps my car in good working order and he cares about the environment. He is good looking and polite. I will continue to see him and I recommend him to others…
Now, we have talked about the Middle East and Korea, Christianity, Islam, the war, etc., However, it stops there. I don’t think the guy is qualified in the field of religion, spiritual enlightenment and mental health. I doubt that he knows anything about self-actualization and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. The guy is not a Zen master by any means and I don’t want him messing with my chakras.
The point is:
When you find an escort who professes to be something other than an object of a rich man’s recreation, WATCH OUT. And, when you find a wealthy, lonely, down-trodden, emotional wreck of a hobbyist exalting the wonders of the grandiose personal relationship he buys from a prostitute-with a history of mental health disorders, WATCH OUT… The man is a fool, and the escort is a hooker and a whor*.
LOVE AND PEACE,
Sheika Fatima
[email protected]
..so I will continue. If it is a contract to you, cool. If you date, have dated, are a man, have spent money taking a date out, bought flowers, thought perhaps that by being a nice guy you might get laid, then you have conceptualized an unspoken contract in your heart with a non-provider. So are all women objectified? Do you like just hanging out, tellin' jokes. Chattin about the days events. Watching a movie - all those things that buds of the same sex do together?
I do understand the business side of this. Trust me on that. But we were discussing the possibility of an emotional connection with another human being. I doubt if you are naked while talking to your 1. Mechanic, 2. Lawyer, 3. Dentist, 4. Doctor (well maybe), etc. - and I seriously doubt any of them will cause you to have an O or that you would share, which by most peoples standards, is an intimate experience physically. Do I equate all physical connections to intamacy? Nope. But... if you can manage it, find the beauty in a person, care for them, and realize what it is is all that it is - than it is a wonderful experience. And yes, a lot in the business are incappable of doing that - even if they say otherwise.
Since you mentioned your mechanic is "good looking" and will continue to see him, I will assume you are a woman. Could be way off. But if so, what I said above applies as well. Are men meal tickets? DO you take the time to know their true heart like you would a woman friend? Do you see them as a security blanket of some sort, whether it is financial or physical?
Some find the place in their life where they love themselves honestly and connect with people in as many ways as they can. Life is short And I don't want to pass knowing I missed opportunities to conect on this planet. I ain't perfect and have not met a person that is. I should be chatted with about my humility at times (lack thereof), my challenge in finding forgiveness at times (I wish it was just instinctive, and I am working on it still in a lot of areas).
Key to me is if you can find the beauty in any person, it is ok to have a connection. Paid or not paid.
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly,
Tchau,
-- Modified on 2/8/2007 4:55:12 PM
The Sheika is a lady baby boomer. I am very close in age to--what some might call--elderly.
I enjoyed your post.
Your post was well thought-out and it contained many of the common, philosophical rationales that hobbyist and escorts use to justify the sex trade.
Some I agree with, some I do not.
It has been my experience that most escorts and hobbyist experience a time during there involvement in the business where they try and “sort things out”.
Your post was a bit meandering toward the end. The tone of your post seemed to change. It became slightly unsettling and even confused.
If you would like to continue our dialogue. I will be more than happy to do so; ether on the board; or, if you prefer, you are welcome to e-mail me at [email protected].
I hope to hear from you.
PEACE AND LOVE,
Sheika Fatima
-- Modified on 2/9/2007 3:27:49 PM
I personally think 30 minutes is NOT enough, at least for me. I like to spend some time talking, getting to know one another a bit. Of coarse when the time comes I also enjoy warming the provider up. Women are not like men and instantly heat up like put in a microwave. More like a pot set on a simmer, but then comes to a raging boil if done properly. Spending the time to get her "going" pays big dividends in the end. Catch my drift!!!