Ok boys, this board needs some livening up this week!

Anyone have anything to bring a smile to our faces???
Any good jokes???
Stories???
There's got to be something crazy out there to break this cycle in here!!!  

Kisses and BIG smiles....
Madison

One day Mr. Goodbar wanted a "Bit of Honey", so he took "Ms. Hershey Bar" down behing the powerhouse on "Fifth Avenue".  (could it be Madison)  Upon arriving he bagan to feel her "Mounds", they were "Pure Almond Joy".  As she let out a "Snicker", he slipped his "Peter Paul" up her "Milky Way", she screamed, "O Henry", squeezed his "Peter Paul" and the result is a "Baby Ruth".

Not the normal joke, but pretty cute.

Turn on your sound..

http://www.stud.ntnu.no/~alexann/

DennyAz

A preacher goes to Heaven and is greeted warmly by St Paul. He is given a nice apartment and a new Chevy in return for his life long faithful service to GOD.

The next day the preacher walk outside only to find himself in the middle of a parade. He watches as St Paul ushers Heaven's newest member to a Beautiful mansion and hands him the keys to a shiny new Cadillac.

The preacher is disturbed by this and confronts St Paul. "I have devoted my entire life to GOD and all I get is a Crummy Apartment and a piece of Crap Chevy! What on earth did that guy do?"

"We get preachers and priest here all the time. That guy is a Lawyer!!!" croons St Paul

Here are some of the posts I found funny on TER's Humor board.  If the first few don't interest you, you probably don't want to bother with the rest.

Turn of Events posted by Barolo

A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years.  He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.  He orders the husband out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the wife to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.  While the man is in bathroom, the husband tells his wife..."Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He has probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist.  Don't complain.  Do what he tells you.  Just give him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you.  This guy is probably dangerous.  If he gets angry, he'll kill us.  Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds..."He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.  He told me he was gay, thought you were cute and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.  I told him where to find it.  Be strong, honey. I love you, too."


Barber and Not So Stupid Man posted by Pluged

A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I
can get a haircut?"  The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."  The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"  The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."  The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"  The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half."  The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.  He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.  The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"  Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"


Training for Upper Management posted by Stevelll

A native American walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand, pulling a male buffalo with the other and says to the waiter, "Coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up."  He gets the native American a tall mug of coffee.  After drinking the coffee down in one gulp, the native American turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the man returns.  He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other.  He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!  We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?"

The native American smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."


Revenge Genie posted by Chipmunk01

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore.  She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!

The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him.  As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes.  But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish.  The first wish was for a billion dollars.  The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills.  The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.

The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish.  The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach.  In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions.

Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish.  Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish.  But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.  "No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy.  "For my last wish...I'd like to give birth to twins."

Its kinda Catchy....

This is a Funny and Catchy one...

GAWD I feel Like a Dumbass!