-- Modified on 4/22/2006 7:02:04 PM
The truth about “outing”:
Sometimes “outing” is jealousy, or miscommunication, or, so-and-so, wants to teach his wife/husband a lesson, etc.; and, I’m sure all the recent comments and threads about this issue are real and heartfelt and beyond the melodramatic. We tend to use words like “privacy” and anonymity” when talking about this issue; but, the “truth” about “outing” goes way beyond this.
In this community “outing” or the threat of “outing” is a paramount, driving, economic and financial dynamic. It is often unspoken, but it is always there. Whether we are discussing “outing's” effects on hobbyists and/or providers in general; or, as in Jenna/CL, we are trying to isolate and define a specific set of circumstances, “outing” is always lurking in the shadows. “Outing” looms over us all. Every provider has dealt with this issue at sometime in their career; and, unfortunately, they mostly give-in to the pressure.
The threat of outing is often wheeled like a knife by the unscrupulous, lazy, sleaze ball, scum who live off the ladies (and I’m not talking only of pimps. There are plenty of others out there--and you know who and what you are!). Crucial life decisions are prodded and forced by the threat of “outing”. People are blackmailed. People are hurt. Lives are shattered, ruined and destroyed. One person can be forced to "out" another. It can truly get crazy and insane. It can be a night mare.
I would like to know how many “business” and far-reaching, life-molding, decisions are made and how many “deals” are driven, influenced or forced by this dynamic. I’m not being rhetorical. I’d really like to know. I look forward to your posts.
SHEIKA FATIMA
-- Modified on 4/21/2006 4:27:10 PM
None. Everyone in my private life knows both of my occupations. This is why I've never kept it a secret. It's hard to be blackmailed when all of your friends and family know what you do for a living, isn't it?
I have no idea what Jenna posted or, for that matter, who Jenna is. Frankly, I've been staying far away from the boards lately and only posting when I feel a strong pull to post, as in this thread and the one in which Sean of HIPS posted his side of whatever story was looming about.
I can't imagine too many business deals or life-molding decisions are made as a result of the fear of being outed, but I can tell you there are ways to prevent that concern. See well-reputed, well-reviewed, intelligent, kind, and respectful providers who have a conscience and treat this as a business and value the privacy of their clients. Ladies, throughly check out any "boss" you may consider having if not independent, or screener if hiring one and be certain only to see clients who display respect for women, intelligence, kindness, a respect for yours and other ladies' privacy and who obviously possess a conscience.
This board is a great tool for getting to know certain personalities in our community, so are emails and telephone calls. If the ladies and gentlemen pay attention to how we each carry ourselves here, in email and over the telephone, we'll have a great clue as to how safe our information and lives will likely be in person. Funny how just a couple of weeks ago people jumped all over my ass and several other ladies on a thread pertaining to privacy and now look what's happened as a result of breached trust and privacy on someone's part. I guess I'm not such an idiot for being so concerned about privacy, discretion and the respect for both after all. Just ask Jenna.
Regards,
Megan
I'm a consummate lurker. I never post because it would seem to betray the total confidence/trust that my participation in this forum demands. I think there are a few women in Phoenix who are extraordinary. I have never worried that my contacting them or involvement with them would become public. This whole recurring thread makes a guy like me nuts because it makes me wonder whether that's a reasonable expectation. I'm inclined to let it go as a fluke event, but realistic enough to know that it might not be. Nevertheless, my involvement with the ladies in this forum is important enough to me to continue to absorb that risk. I just hope that it is indeed a fluke.
Dearest Megan: That was a well thought-out and well written post. You have many admirers in our community, and you are very fortunate to have such an understanding and dependable family of friends.
You are a sweetheart, and you are very fortunate to have two occupations. Is your "other job" for a public or private agency? Is it for a municipality or some other political entity? Does your other employer know about and condone your involvement in the escort trade? Has your other employer ever seen your web site? Have you ever been subjected to a background investigation, psychological evaluation or lie detector test as a condition of employment? Now days, these are very common steps in the hiring process. Any escort trying to leave the "business" for other meaningful employment would have to contend with these harsh realities of the job market. These realities make it very difficult or impossible for those involved in the escort trade to change careers.
The very real point to be made here is that many ladies who are active in the escort trade have no resume, no references and many have no verifiable means of support. For many, this state of affairs has existed for a goodly number of years. They have no work history; so, the longer they remain in the “business”, the less chance they have of competing in the legitimate work force. Essentially, they are trapped. This leaves them venerable to all sorts of unsavory pressures and manipulation over which they have little or no control. The possibility of themselves being “outed”, or the possibility of being pressured to “out” one of their clients is just one of many possibilities where “the fear of being outed” can be used very effectively to influence business deals or life-molding decisions by a whole plethora of unscrupulous, sleaze ball, profiteers. Also, there are many issues other than “outing”, that can be just as devastating to the escort and her clients.
Please, please, understand that I am not making a value judgment about the moral worth of your service. For the most part, I am on your side. I love you all… But, the world is not always a sugar sweet bed of roses. There is a very real and very, very, profitable business side to the fantasy world of escorting that can be very rough, scandalous and manipulative.
Take Care.
PEACE,
Sheika Fatima
P.S. Hmmm, it seems strange... I was hoping for more replies. It makes me wonder, but I will never give up hope.
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-- Modified on 4/22/2006 3:03:15 PM
To answer your questions in order:
I don't have an "understanding" family, rather I'm an adult and as such I make decisions as an adult. I simply let my family know so that if, God forbid, I'm ever murdered or assaulted or arrested, it does not come as a shock to them what one of my jobs is. They've known since day one. In terms of my friends, a true friend will not give two shits what I do for a living as it is my friendship that is important. Of course I've chosen very good friends for myself and I didn't lose a single one of them when I began working in this industry three years ago. I don't need anyone's approval or understanding as I am an adult and intelligent and capable enough of making my own decisions and do so readily.
Now, my other job is in the advertising field as a writer. It's not a secret, I've said it here many times and yes, my employers do know about this life and this "job" as it is one of the main reasons I got my foot in the door. A majority of my advertising experience first came with escorting and they've seen my former website which I both wrote and completely designed and it was integral in getting my foot in the door.
Previously I worked for the government. This isn't a secret either. I worked in Space and Missile Defense and held a clearance, so yes, I've been subjected to both lie detector and background investigations so that I could hold the clearance I held. Obviously since I'm no longer in the DC area working with the government, I have no use for the clearance so I no longer have it. I've never had a psychological evaluation for any position I've held, but I do have a very long, extensive resume spanning 12 years as my first professional job was when I was 16 years old with a car dealership. I'm very aware, as are many of the escorts on this board, of the current and past hiring practices in man fields. In fact, I know a great deal of ladies in our community here who have other jobs, have had other jobs and who are educated well above a great many of my own clients in either business I run. It may be hard for you to believe, Sheika, but most of the ladies in this business have at least a Baccalaureate degree and quite a number hold Master's Degrees as well. This job does not make it either very difficult or impossible for anyone involved to change careers, believe it or not. If the lady is creative and intelligent enough, in fact she can utilize her experience in this position as a business owner, a writer, an advertiser to get her foot in the door with a great many companies. And many of us do and have and many more will.
The actual point I'm making is the opposite of yours..Many of the ladies here who are active in the "escort trade" have resumes, references, verifiable means of support (because those of us with brains have Accountants and do pay taxes and have bank accounts), and this "state of affairs" is a work history and we remain in the business because we are business owners and are competing in the "legitimate" work force, as you put it, concurrently while escorting.
Your post makes it sound like we poor escort souls are stuck here being hookers because, by golly, we don't have an education or previous or current careers, no resume and we don't pay taxes so we don't have verifiable incomes. I want you to know that what you've posted is actually a description of the minority, not the majority of escorts. So, you are very misled in what it seems you believe.
I don't know any ladies in this business who feel vulnerable (venerable is not the right word) to any unsavory pressures or manipulation. In fact we have full control. Unless of course you meant the girls working for certain agencies, and even they have control because they can quit and become independent, registered business owners as I have. I don't know any independents who feel trapped in this business, although I'm sure some exists but if they are trapped, it's because they haven't been wise with their money and haven't gotten themselves an education with all the money they've made, for which they really only have themselves to blame and not "the system" so to speak.
The possibility of being outed exists only when one keeps their lifestyle a secret from a certain group of people. Whether it be their significant others, their bosses or their families. The possibility of being pressured to out anyone only exists with a person who is of weak character and is easily impressed upon by those they perceive to be in power. This is a lady you better hope you never book with if she's ever busted or a gentleman you better hope you never see in the event he's busted by an SO or LE, because either way, these two individuals have no character, no backbone and absolutely no respect for the privacy of others.
Sleazeballs, profiteers, and unscrupulous people exist in all walks of life, all professions, all businesses and in each demographic. It has little to nothing to do with the type of business, it's also a weakness of character and a lack of morals and good judgment. It can be in the high priced pimp or madam, the street scum pimp, drug dealers, street walking hookers, internet escorts, organized crime, the FBI, Politicians, Wallstreet traders, etc. etc. etc.
Basically, Sheika, I suspect your post is full of what you think are absolutes but which are actually assumptions and stereotypes. I don't know how long you've been hanging around this industry, but I've spent a few years in it and many of the escorts I know are more educated, better educated, more intelligent, less "stuck", and happier than any "civilian" I know, to be honest. Precious few of us are here because we don't have an education, a resume, a job history, or a choice. That is found more out on the streets than on the street corner known as the internet. I suspect you need to take a different sampling before applying this logic to the escorts around the globe who are their own bosses, make 100's of thousands of dollars a year with husbands and families and careers other than this one they may possess. Of course there are always exceptions, but my post is more about the rule and yours is more about the exception.
Take care,
Megan
PS The replies by the ladies are becoming very thin on this board, in case you haven't noticed, Sheika. That's because the intelligent ladies are pretty much ending their posting as a result of the gaggle of Golden Guys on this board who are putting the intelligent ladies here down. It's basically a lesson. They don't want to hear from the ladies.....we'll see how much they enjoy speaking only to each other.
-- Modified on 4/22/2006 7:02:04 PM
I think both you and Sheika make valid points.. I have gotten the sense that some providers are 'stuck' but you're right.. it's often when they don't save and/or aren't educated about their choices.. like in any business.
BTW, I really hope ladies do NOT stop posting on this board as they provide an irreplaceable perspective and I personally love hearing their opinions.
if I have done or said anything to upset you or any of the wonderful, charming, intellegent ladies of Phoenix, I sincerely apologize.
TC
Your friendship is very important to me.
Love Ya,
TC