On the one hand, I can't see refusing (or failing) to give your contact info so the provider can do the checks she needs to do to confirm she'll be safe with you. That, unless you're completely new to the hobby, is being an ass. On the other hand, you have a point; I can see how her response could have been misread, and poor communication was definitely part of the problem.
Ok, I know every lady has her own screening process and anyone that's ever met me knows mine is beyond easy!
So here's the situation and please tell me what you think...please keep in mind this is my first visit to Philly:
This "gentleman" writes me on 9-3 asking about my first night special on my upcoming visit beginning Sept 24th. I write him back to let him know that time has already been booked and gave him the other times that were already booked as well. I asked him what worked best for his schedule.
I heard back and he gave me the date he wanted and for how long. At this point all I had was his e-mail addy and the name on the addy and the name he was using (first name only) were different.
Thoughout our e-mails back and forth over the next two days, I asked him for his contact info THREE times. He would answer my e-mails but never gave me the info. He confirmed the date, but again gave me no info. So I wrote him back again on Sept 5 and said Yippie it's a date, just please give me the info so I can call you and we can chat. From Sept 5-11, I heard NOTHING from him. I asked three different times for his contact info and he kept writing back but ignoring my request.
So on Sept 11 with my arrival date less then two weeks away I wrote him again saying these exact words:
"I wrote you and ask you for a contact number,( I gave him mine back on the 4th). I don't even have your full name yet (and no refs either) and you haven't returned my last e-mail. So as of now you haven't been confirmed (screened) so neither is our date. Just let me know if you are serious and honor my very simple request."
Well I hear back from him tonight a week after the last time I ask him for the contact info or to call me. He says he doesn't check his e-mails when he's working or call anyone when he's working. Then he says because of the "tone" of my e-mail he's cancelling our date!!! LMFAO!!!
Then I get another one saying he didn't mean to send another one but as far as he thought our date had been CONFIRMED!!! Just because I say "Yippie it's a date" now please send me the info I keep asking you for, and nothing for a week???
What I wrote him back since he was acting like I had some "tone" because I wrote him to let I wasn't able to hold that date any longer, this e-mail would have a major tone, and it did lol. I don't need someone wasting my time and I certainly don't keep people hanging on my end! I told him when I wrote him back that all he had to do was let me know he would be unavailable to e-mail or talk for a week. But I heard nothing!
So, savvy gents on the board...and the ladies too, would any one of you think he had a date with me after not even giving me a contact number and not calling me or responding for a week??? Is he kidding...he thought he had a confirmed date and I was the one with the problem?
Am I missing something here? Is screening in Philly different, lol???
No full name
No contact number
No ref
And a warm "thank you" to the gents that have been so nice and accomodating when booking with me. I'm thinking this one is the exception!
Any lady who wants his e-mail addy is free to PM me.
xoxo,
Steph
PS I'm still shaking my head that he thought because I had a "tone" in the e-mail I sent on 9-11 HE was cancelling our date!
#1 I don't confirm anything and wouldn't say "It's a date" until I receive the verification information. On the very first e-mail I say "Once I receive your verification information, I will confirm our date". If I do not receive it I'm not responding to any more e-mails from the guy. If he is persistent, I MAY ask for the verification information a second time (as a friendly reminder)- but that's the absolute limit. I certainly would not e-mail the guy a third time after he's ignored my first two requests to provide the information. People can only waste your time if you allow them to, and if I don't get the verification information at the very beginning I tend to feel the guy is not serious and wasting my time. I don't go back and forth with jokers, this will give you a headache everytime!
Sorry to hear that. A hobbyist worth seeing is just as concerned about your comfort and safety as he is about his own.
If the sequence events went as have been described. I too could see how the guy could have mistakenly believed he was confirmed.
"Yippie it's a date, just please give me the info so I can call you and we can chat."
Could very easily be interpreted as you are confirmed I am waiting for your contact info so we can chat.
My understanding is also that the said "appointment" was scheduled for 2 weeks from today. More than enough time for them to "chat"
If his comments are true......
" Her 2 replies called me an idiot, asshole, 'now I really know what a tone is', and that she would 'out' me on several boards. Oh yeah, and that it was hoped a bird would shit on my head (I did sort of like that one)."
If this is true she is wrong on so many levels.....
IMHO......It was a simple miscommunication
She jumped the gun. If she didn't want to accept his appointment request .Fine no foul but to have an attitude about him canceling 2 WEEKS BEFORE THE APPOINTMENT. Then bringing it here to the boards and whats worst offering his name up to other ladies like he is a criminal and is deserving of being blacklisted is not cool!!!
Again this is simply my OPINION....
There are are always 2 sides 2 every story.
-- Modified on 9/13/2008 10:11:26 PM
On the one hand, I can't see refusing (or failing) to give your contact info so the provider can do the checks she needs to do to confirm she'll be safe with you. That, unless you're completely new to the hobby, is being an ass. On the other hand, you have a point; I can see how her response could have been misread, and poor communication was definitely part of the problem.
Read my note below, I didn't refuse anything, in fact I provided my TER name (all she requested at the time we were emailing other than a phone number) and Date Check info. My point is I provided all that was asked for, other than a phone call, which would have been done upon my return. Never once was I asked to go to a website and fill out anything, so I did not.
After asking for the info three times and still not having it, and not hearing anything from him for a week after asking again for the contact info, I wrote him again saying I didn't still didn't have the info neccessary for our date to be comfirmed.
My last sentence was giviing him the opportunity to give me what I (and any other lady was even does minimal screening) needed for our date to be confirmed:
"Just let me know if you are serious about meeting me by honoring my very simple request."
Instead of giving me the info, he chose to say I had a "tone" so he was cancelling. No miscommunication. I gave him another chance to give me the info. That was the fourth time I asked for it. I had no tone, and even if I'm not in Philly until the 24th, I already have several times no longer available.
If someone is serious about meeting a lady and not just blowing smoke, he gives the info and keeps the line of communication open.
And yes, since he said I had a tone...I let him know what a tone was really like.
And there is nothing wrong with letting the ladies know if they want to know who he is they can PM me.
As I said earlier, other than this one person, the gentlemen who have contacted me and booked have been more than nice and accomodating.
You obvious know this person so maybe you can help him understand the screening process, if he doesn't "get it". But I have a feeling he already knows the drill.
I gave him a last opportunity to give me what I needed and he chose to use that chance to tell me I had a tone, lol!
How could anyone say it was a simple miscommunication when I asked him a total of four times for the info and he ignored it and acted like I never asked for it?
No full name.
No contact number
No refs.
Thanks to all who offered me good advice!
Steph
-- Modified on 9/14/2008 8:23:31 PM
-- Modified on 9/14/2008 8:25:42 PM
-- Modified on 9/14/2008 9:40:24 PM
Please re-read your messages, you never asked for my name. Only on the last email as you mention here, but never before. You only asked for my TER name, and a phone call. You also never asked for refs, but I gave you my Date Check info anyway knowing refs were sure to be requested at some point. My decision not to see you is soley based on the fact that after the messages I did not believe we would enjoy our time, and given your emails afterwards and behavior here I am quite confident in that decision.
but then, I'm one who will give everything to the lady in the first email so there is NO misunderstanding or confusion.
I think that when someone resists giving out information, there is a reason.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this guy.
I'm sure most of the gentlemen you meet or much better than this.
Just my opinion...
B
As soon as you wrote "yippee it's a date" I can see that the guy would very easily think that to mean that all was set, nothing more needed. However, in the end you are probably just as well off since you never did get any acknowledgement regarding the screening info you wanted. I also agree fully with Naomibanks advice.
-- Modified on 9/13/2008 1:21:02 PM
Since it is myself that Steph is speaking of, just thought I'd mention a few things.
1. I have no issue with providing screening information, she asked for my TER name and I provided that AND Date Check (as she is listed there and I told her so). After that she said it was a date. But I have absolutely no issue with anyone saying they would like more info, and whether this date was confirmed was not an issue for me.
2. What I wrote to her Friday was that I was out of town for the week, and I do not use my work PC or work phone for hobby email, anyone working anywhere knows that it is a law to record all internet and email traffic for your employees, and even if it wasn't it is not a risk I take.
3. My reply stated I was traveling and don't check this email, but that given the tone of her note I did not wish to meet any longer (who would, it certainly didn't seem like it would be a fun date any longer for either of us), but that I wished her the best on her tour.
4. The next message I sent a few seconds later mentioned that I forgot to write that I knew i owed her a call, but I also thought we were already confirmed (the date was not for 2 weeks from today, so we were not in danger of not speaking well before her trip). Again I wished her the best on her tour and also that I thought her cramped left foot was worth the pic (her post on this board mentioned she cramped a foot for the pose). Again, I was being perfectly polite, other than my previous statement that do to her tone I did not think it good to meet.
5. Her 2 replies called me an idiot, asshole, 'now I really know what a tone is', and that she would 'out' me on several boards. Oh yeah, and that it was hoped a bird would shit on my head (I did sort of like that one).
Anyway, sorry for traveling for my job for the week, as that is what this comes down to. And sorry for thinking, because of the tone of her messages, that we would not enjoy time together.
I now have the scoop on you. I had NO tone in the e-mail I sent you on the 11th. You are known for not giving the info and stringing ladies along.
I'm just glad I found out now rather than when I'm already there. Whether you gave me your phone number or not no longer matters 'cause I've got your number now...you are bad news!
Wear a hat and watch out for the pigeons!
Steph
-- Modified on 9/15/2008 9:35:46 AM
-- Modified on 9/15/2008 9:38:25 AM
Thanks so much for letting me know he's done this before and worse. So sorry about what happened to your friend in Baltimore.
And I'll do that check on him on the Provider's Board where he's done this to others. Sounds like it's a good thing I found out now before my trip rather than when I'm already there.
And all the talk about how he might have thought he was confirmed when I said "Yippie it's a date"... well, when I wrote him on Sept 11 after not hearing anything from him for a week, I let him know that since I still didn't have the info, he wasn't confirmed yet and neither was our date. This was an opportinity for him to give me the info IF he really was serious about meeting me. Instead he chose to say I had a "tone" so he didn't want to see me. There was nothing rude or wrong with what I wrote him on the 11th.
He had a total of four opportunities to give me the info. Wow, I can't understand why he didn't appreciate me writing him on Sept 11 to clarify that based on him not giving me any info, he wasn't confirmed... Seems like he would have wanted to know this IF he wasn't yanking my chain so he could make it right.
Now I don't feel so bad, because I know it's not just me!
No worries now...
Steph
I have had one issue that was completely my fault with a lady that was to visit me in Baltimore, hopefully when she gave you whatever scoop you speak of she mentioned we have seen each other twice since, in Philly and once as a make-up I flew to her for a dinner date, and I had sent an apology gift for her travel efforts.
Sounds like he was fishing. Some guys have the chitters, and are okay emailing, but not secure enough to give out there phone number or call in directly.
He may be just a regular guy, but didn't have the guts to call or let you call him. Whereas, he may have been comfortable doing everything via email.
and kept ignoring the fact I was asking for it in every e-mail.
No full name.
No contact number.
No refs.
If he wasn't going to give me anything I asked for, just say so, don't keep writing me acting like I'm not asking for it! He wrote, "Good, it's confirmed". The proceeded to once again not give me the info.
That's why I wrote him again on the 11th after not hearing back from him for a week. He acted like I had done something wrong. He tried to turn it around on me by saying my e-mail letting him know since he hadn't given me any info at all, he wasn't confirmed. He had another chance to give it to me and chose to act like I was in the wrong. That's why I asked if screening was different in Philly. This will my first visit to Philly.
He was just blowing smoke. He's not a newbie who doen't know any better. I now know this is what he does to ladies.
If I hadn't posted it on the board I wouldn't have gotten and PMs from helpful ladies who have had problems with him.
And how would I have been able to give him my hotel and room number when I arrived? Everyone knows you call the lady to get the room number before you come to see her.
All of the other things he's saying are just fluff to cloud what was going on.
I know the deal now so it's all good.
Steph
Again this is a lie Steph, if you have issues please be honest, you never requested my name until the last note, only my TER name and a phone call.
I know Stephanie.
I know her screening process.
Which, while maybe a bit easier than some is still very thorough and works for her.
When you write to a lady with an email address that has one name on it and you call yourself by another name, then don't give your TER handle as a point of reference, you are creating doubt.
When you are asked for information that will clear up the different information, but you don't supply it, that creates more doubt.
The bottom line is that you made contact with 2 different names, none of which were your TER handle, and wouldn't give her any information that would clear it all up.
It's too bad it had to come to this because she's a very nice lady and you are missing out on a treat.
Just my opinion...
B
Sorry bobb, but what you have written is incorrect. I DID give my TER name weeks ago. My email address, like my screename here, has john in it as a play on the hobby, I never pass my name along as John though. If your email was phillyjohn, or phillyguy, or phillydude, you get the idea, and you provided your name as bobb, is that really that confusing?
And for the last time I never refused to provide anything, nothing more was asked of me other than a phone call, which would have been done already had she not given me reason to believe I would not enjoy our time together (which was over 2 weeks away).
You say you got a tone from an email that stated simply...
I wrote you and ask you for a contact number,( I gave him mine back on the 4th). I don't even have your full name yet (and no refs either) and you haven't returned my last e-mail. So as of now you haven't been confirmed (screened) so neither is our date. Just let me know if you are serious and honor my very simple request.
Me thinks you doth protest a bit to much.
No tone there except for her to say, I don't have what I need and you need to supply it.
And you didn't get it.
You are correct, though, you wouldn't have had a good time with her.
She's much to good for you.
-- Modified on 9/15/2008 3:24:40 PM
-- Modified on 9/15/2008 3:25:21 PM
Jesus........ There are two sides to this story and only the two involved really know the truth.
I for one don't see why this thread was even started. People go through screening process all the time. WHY ALL THE DRAMA. No where in her post do I read where he was RUDE or disrespectful. Even if everything she has said is true. Whats the big deal don't confirm his appointment and move on . Why all the hostility?
The guy decided not to see a provider 2 weeks before her scheduled appointment. It is his opinion that she had a certain "tone". Call it "Tone" "Vibe" whatever, he decided that he no longer wanted to see this provider. WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? It's his loss.... The provider has great reviews I am sure she will have no problem filling he dance card.
I just dont get it? Why all the drama?
Enough already. Both parties have had their say.
I agree. I did some searching on threads and bobb seems to post behind Steph regularly. I'm done with this.