After reading the thread below I had a situation arise that I had to reply with this:

I agree with the ladies when it comes to needing to be comfortable and have their personal safety secure. Because of that, whenever I've set up a date I don't have a problem sharing my information because I like to communicate back and forth before the date so that there is more rapport and comfort between the both of us. I want the date to be fun and relaxing.

Here is where I'm now reconsidering my stance and I would appreciate the input from anyone who would like to give it.  

I've been on the lookout for someone I'd like to see regularly. There was a reason why I couldn't give an old reference to her so I told her that I'm an open book and will provide everything to her so that I can be verified. I called her on the phone to tell her why I couldn't give her the previous reference, and told her that I will fill out her contact form with everything I can.

I provided her with my real name, a picture of myself, my twitter account, and certain things that would come up if you did a google search on my name (My name isn't very common). I was very descriptive because like I previously stated I like to make sure the woman is comfortable. Fast forward a day later I'm told she still isn't comfortable seeing me.

I'm lost for words, I want to see a woman that takes more things in consideration than just the physical and makes it an actual date. But I can't find those type of woman unless I have two references, which I can't get because I can't get a woman to see me.  

Very frustrating situation, can anyone help? Ladies if you want a guy to be upfront as possible, doing something like this makes a guy hesitant to give information to the next person since I continue to keep putting myself out there.

I have taken the BP route a while back and that is something I don't want to use anymore. I don't mind traveling, I think I'm one of the few that would go out of his way to travel (within reason) to see someone.

Some women will always require a reference, and therefore aren't "newbie"-friendly, or friendly to those who don't hobby with great frequency.  They're allowed to do that. That's their prerogative.  

Now, there are lots of providers out there who are fine with your situation; my personal screening practices are flexible in terms of the information you have available to give, and I personally won't even take a reference if it's not a current one (within the last 6 months).  That verification tool is instantly gone for those who don't hobby frequently, or took time away from the lifestyle.

If you're an open book, and you're willing to give me all of the information I require outside of a reference, I personally have no issues with booking, and there are other ladies out there who feel the same. Just be aware that the information I require is quite extensive if you don't have a reference or aren't a member of a verification site.  

You could also consider joining a verification site like Date-Check, RS2K, or P411 depending on where you plan to hobby the most.  Some providers will take these as stand-alone screening options, some wont, but it shows a certain level of concern for your safety and for a provider's safety.  And honestly, it makes things SO much easier on both ends.

Hopefully you can find what you're looking for.  If you'd like, feel free to check me out.

Thanks for your insight, it is much appreciated. I do fall into this problem since I don't schedule with too much frequency unless I have built up the rapport with someone, and decided to see them on a semi regular basis. Winter was the last time I scheduled a date so that falls into a reference that wouldn't work.  

I have thought about joining one of the verification sites, but when I've checked out some ladies' requirements it seems like a waste of money since they would still need the same information I already give them and I'm still out of references. But you're right that some ladies do take those sites their only verification.

I didn't want my post to seem negative, because I agree that each lady has their own level of comfort; but when I give out all of that info I put a lot of trust into the person and for it to still not be good enough makes me wary to keep giving it out.  

I will check out your website, thanks again for your opinion.

Date Check or P411 are the answer.  Give out your info one time, done.  Get 2 references for newbie friendly providers and you are in.  I've never had a problem after that.  Oh, and it helps if you get "highly recommended" reviews from the providers.

Thanks for the info. I'll reconsider one of those sites, I just didn't know how good of an investment it was.

...you're somewhere between 6-10 hours from Toronto, Canada (Columbus is approx 8).  I've hobbied in TO and the area (for now) is a vibrant hobbying community.  There are tons of great agencies and plenty of gorgeous independent providers.  The Indys often use P411 and getting verified/screened is pretty painless for a decent range of the Indy provider population.  What you say you provided would be more than enough for many providers.

The average hourly is between 250-300 and multi-hour dates often bring that down.  HH rates are also quite common.  It's also pretty easy to get good duos and fetish sessions.

If you're willing to travel...I'd highly recommend TO.  You can build up some references and have a great time.

A few of the TO-based ladies also tour to ohio (kyra graves comes to mind...she's on the more elite side...but definitely on my TDL).  

One note, If you have a particular girl you want to see here...make sure she'll take references from the providers you plan to see in TO.

Good luck

Hobbyists sites Ohio uses to hobby... I get the references but rarely even contact the referred provider unless she is very well established... But reviews do help in the screening process, I have VIP on TER & wow, it helps elimate "too see & No See" clients...    My advise: move on to another, there are too many providers to be offended by one refusal...  

Good luck!!!

Dates become automatic.

means nothing to me.  I realize that from *your* perspective, you are giving sensitive information about your real identity and putting yourself out there.  In most instances, sharing more information about yourself IS helpful, but only if it can be verified in advance.  Giving information about yourself, with no way to follow up and check it's validity before actually meeting is not a valid way to verify someone though.  So if there was no work number to be able to call, etc...there is no way for the girl to know that you didn't just cherry-pick some guys name online, found other links about him, and are not really who you say you are.  

I'm all for working with people to address comfort and discretion, but whatever method you are using or information you are giving, the key part of that is being able to cross reference and verify properly.  

Good luck, and wishing you all the best.

xoM  

You know I've never thought about doing that and that sounds like a really good idea. I've always wanted to go to Canada, and I have a family member that goes there often. It looks like I'll be hitching a ride to go up there. I appreciate the suggestion, I will def look into it.

You're right, there are plenty of ladies out there. I will look into getting into a verification website. Thanks for your input.

Thanks for the insight. I'm not informed on the way that someone goes forth to verify a client, all I've known that in the past when I've seen someone, I gave out all of that info and it has been good enough. But now a majority of ladies ask for two references with that. I'm just saying that it is a two way street for safety. In the few years that I've been scheduling dates, I've only had one reference most of the time it was an outdated one.  

I checked out the verification websites, and I'm going to stay vague with this, but I work as a contractor. How does that exactly work when it comes to verification? I don't belong to a company, I mainly work for myself and go to school. How does one get verified if they are in that situation?

I'm not savvy when it comes to what women go through to verify someone, but I'm at least very willing to give what info they need. One woman asks for a pic of me with my DL. Since she seems to have good reviews and seems like a nice person, I have no problem sending her that.

You're right that someone could take someone else's identity, that actually didn't cross my mind (naive me) but what other options would that leave a guy than? I guess it goes back to what Miss Erin Black was saying that everyone's comfort level is different.

I appreciate your input, I learned a lot by all of these replies and I'm becoming more aware.

All you can do is explain why you can't/won't give her regular info, and ask her to *tell you* what else might make her comfortable.  Don't assume to know what she needs...let her tell you.  For one person, it might be sending your DL.  For another, maybe a phone conversation followed by a public meeting for coffee.  For another, it might be sending a deposit (of course be sure you feel like you could trust someone before doing this...).  As stated, everyone's comfort levels are different...everyone's instincts work different.  Go with the flow & don't take it personally...you will find someone that will work with you eventually, and they that will help you get re-established.      

Screening techniques vary, and I'm not going to get into them on a public forum.  Screening only works if it is somewhat elusive so that others can't figure out how to circumvent the protocols.  But if you are thinking about giving work information, and have concerns about how it will be used, state your concerns upfront before giving that information.  Most good providers (or verification sites) will want to be discreet in that process also, and can answer questions or ease concerns to make sure you are both comfortable with her approach.

All my best,

xoM  

That is all really good info. I really appreciate you taking the time to fill me in. Thanks, and take care.

Roadtrip anyone?

agreed

...i've picked up a lot of screening methods outside of refs or date-check or p411 or rs2k.  
Still pretty spot on though .

Just a few more thoughts…..for me, I don't discriminate based on appearance so all a picture does for me is allow me to make sure that it is actually you at my door. That is good but the date is already set so….

In order to get a date, the main thing is a phone number, work number and address. There are, without being specific, several reverse lookup sites that will tell you if that phone/address is registered to that name. Sometimes, they are inaccurate so you might like to check if your number/address is actually registered to you and change it if not. For me, that is always a red flag when it isn't and I usually then will not make a date with that person.

Facebook, twitter accounts and such do nothing for me because they really don't tell me any of the information I need and, again, you could always co-opt somebody else's account. A voice on the phone is also nice but you could be anyone.

References and sites like P411, R2K etc that were mentioned before really help. As for references, they need to be from a reputable provider that has seen you fairly recently.

Bottom line, and I can only speak for myself, I have seen a couple of gentleman that did not have references but they gave me all their professional information so I saw them on their company's website, and also their phone numbers and addresses matched their names. Their names were also not registered on any sex offender or "blacklist" sites. For me that says they are who they say and not a member of LE and that they are, probably, not dangerous.

Don't know if that helps but sorry that your first experience upset you! Good Luck!
Samantha