In short, this means I struggle with gray areas and do well when things are in black and white.  Hence, my struggle with relationships and getting past first base, because most women don't say, "Now you may move to second base, etc" directly.  I find providers to be better because there is an understanding in advance of what is going to happen.

People often tell me I come across as never hurting a fly, and I can be pretty oblivious and too trusting.  I have been overcharged for services that didn't happen before.

I also find that some providers know I'm nervous and clueless and finish me in a minute to get me out.  There are others I realize later may have allowed me to do more, but I never tried it.  I see ads saying explicits acts will not be discussed, so I never know what is or is not kosher.

What are some good black and white rules or social norms with providers that can keep me from being taken advantage of, while still having a good time?

...and more likely to work with you.  Also, don't bring more $$ than you intend to spend and you will avoid being overcharged.

and that often means a massage or even a tantra like session where there is a set order of progression.

This way you will not be cheated out of time or services.

You should be sure that you have VIP membership so that you can read the reviews and know what to expect.

The down side is that most massage and tantrikas will not do FS, but some do.

Again, read the reviews.

I would look in the approximate 29-39 age range...  young enough to be hot, old enough to be sensitive to your needs.  You must have a well reviewed provider...  who is newbie friendly.  Most providers have a routine...   You can not discuss acts and money as that is the definition of prostitution & illegal in most of the USA...  
Once you are alone behind a closed door you can speak you mind once you hit the bed.  A soft whisper is best...  You know that certain things are expected & if you read the reviews you'll know what her rules are before you get there.  You can ask for her to do things to you or you may go ahead & gently lead her into something you want (you already knows she does the activity).  I don't hesitate to whisper "I want you on top" or "Go slow".  
H

I don't have Aspergers like you but I have suffer from social anxiety so yeah and I feel I may have rushed my first session it was not the fault of the provider, but it was mostly due to my nerves. If I do decide to have another go at this I will try to be more relaxed maybe do some meditation beforehand as odd as that sounds. It helped me a lot with exams so I figure I can apply the same principle here. Also try verbalizing your needs that's one mistake I wish I hadn't made.

Aspergers and would be a great fit for you...and they're HOTT!
I gather that you're fairly "High Functioning" which is a plus!!
Agree with the previous posters...older provider def!

you're not alone. yes, I have too.
for me, I stick with activities mentioned in reviews (I believe they are facts at least), never going further.

another thing for me is I have some criteria to choose providers. You may build them.

learning all jargons in this game might be useful too.

their boundaries. For example, there was a provider several years ago who didn't like her ears kissed and toyed with.

rainbow,

What are some mistakes or things you've regretted (in this field) that I could learn from, one Aspie to another?

DC area.