How do I get folks I have seen on my whitelist as references?

So, you need only ask them to put you on there.

Just ask the provider if she will give you a whitelest reference.  She does have to be a member her to do it.  You should respond with a nice review unless she does not want reviews.

Swim

Most providers don't use it to screen, though a few do.  They prefer P411, Date-Check, RS2K, or simply a list of credible gals who'll vouch for you.  Credible means they can be found here and have been reviewed by at least ten known TER reviewers.