I made arrangements to meet a provider a week in advance. When the day came to meet, I received an email that said she was sick and couldn’t make it. I appreciated this but was very disappointed. (I read somewhere that much of the allure of meeting a provider is that preparation that goes into setting up the encounter and I can certainly admit to that.) I was ready for action, all my tracks were covered and the money was burning a hole in the envelope, so I called another provider who could see me that day.
Now I’m wondering what to do about the first provider. She has contacted me about rescheduling but the itch got scratched, so to speak. Seeing 2 providers within a week seems indulgent to me and not particularly necessary. The money isn’t that much of an issue but still…with the holidays coming up, I’m not that crazy about dropping some more Benjamins. I’ll be honest, I sort of have a sense of obligation to follow through. On the other hand, if I need a haircut and stylist is out, I’ll get my hair cut and come back in a month.
My question is what is the best way to handle the situation? What would she appreciate: Full disclosure of the situation or a simple “let’s reschedule in a few weeks?” I very much want to see her but I want to enjoy every moment and I’m not sure I would so close to seeing someone else.
continue to search at leisure. You may make arrangements and see her another time, or not. You are not under obligation to see her under these circumstances. And, you only should make decisions about the frequency of your hobbying.
I have become a bit superstitious about this - I used to go by a strict one strike no excuses policy and move on.
But
I gave two ladies second chances, who have become favorites of mine. I'm glad I did not miss the opportunity to meet them.
This is my experience only - your experience may of course differ.
She canceled the appointment. Her loss. The next time you feel like seeing a provider it is up to you if you want to try and schedule with her, the other gal that saw you on short notice, or someone entirely different.
It's only natural for her to want to try and get your business but you don't owe her any sort of time table for doing that.
"My question is what is the best way to handle the situation? What would she appreciate: Full disclosure of the situation or a simple “let’s reschedule in a few weeks?” I very much want to see her but I want to enjoy every moment and I’m not sure I would so close to seeing someone else."
You can do either. However, it's never necessary to give all your personal choice info. Some people want to see more than one person in a week and some don't. She'll be around again and you can see her when you're ready. I don't think anyone should feel obligated to meet someone. The point is to have the best time possible. So go with your gut.
Actually I never said a word about any provider's obligation to reschedule with a guy who cancels on her Angie. You are putting words in my mouth.
I don't believe in any sort of double standard. I have an ATF that I see regularly for a couple of years now. From time to time we both have to cancel scheduled appointments for personal reasons. It's not something I hold over her head nor does she hold it over mine. We reschedule as soon as it is convenient for both of us. That's what two folks with an ongoing relationship do. When it comes to a new appointment with a new lady however I simply believe that no such obligation to reschedule exists. By the same token I don't think a gal has any obligation to reschedule with a new guy who cancels on her either.
The double standard that you speak of may exist somewhere Angie, but not in my post.
"I cut my balls shaving do you want to keep the appointment?" No, I don't that is unsafe and counter-productive.
I wonder how many providers think this is a legitimate reason? I gotta say, I fear the razor... face, groin, anywhere when preparing for a meet, worrying about a last minute nick, but sure don't want to go into a meet with stubble. I imagine the day's gonna come where something gets nicked, and it would either be cancellation time, or chalk it up to "shit happens" and sit back for a couple hours, have a couple drinks, and just enjoy some nice conversation or some non-risky stuff. I'd just feel like a heel for cancelling an hour before hand, and I doubt she'd be too pleased either. In the interest of a continued good reliable relationship, I'd probably save cancellations for serious incidents where I just couldn't make it, versus just something that alters how I would have wanted the evening to go. Does that make me a sucker I wonder?
I did have a dang cut on my finger a couple days prior to my last meet that was in a bad spot and kept wanting to open back up. I was seriously thinking about cancelling a couple days before hand, but then she called to let me know her monthly visitor had arrived, and I could cancel if I wanted to. Problem solved, so to speak. Kept the appointment, and because I'm not into intercourse with people (covered or not) I'm not exlclusive with and close to during that time, never had to worry about my hands or anything else being anywhere that would be dangerous for either of us. Had an absolutely fantastic evening with some light stuff and great conversation and snuggling under the covers. And to think I almost cancelled! I'd have missed out on one of the better evenings I've ever had with anyone, in or out of the hobby.
I have to apologize. I misread your post. I will happily rewrite it since I didn't read it correctly. I aplogize again.
danrs: Actually, it was the client offering to cancel for safty reasons and he also wanted a full session not something with light play. That would have been different. I agreed for the same as he did. He was a regular client and I wasn't mad. Again, shit happens. AR
is make a note to see the provider the next time she is in town or I am up for seeing someone. Like the others, I make careful preparations to see a provider on a given day, and if it falls through, then I try to see someone else.
I have found the "I'm leaving on a business trip" a convenient excuse if the provider wants to reschedule for the next day.
Jack, I know your feeling too well. I've had 3 cancel on me over the past two months. I, like you, get really up for these adventures and feel like a kid on xmas, waking up with no present when a provider cancles. Very sick feeling indeed. But, I have tried to give ladies a benefit of a doubt as I have had to cancel once myself.
I did give all three a second chance and all three gave me reasons to be happy I did. One even discounted her fee as a way of saying she was sorry. The other two gave me 2 hours even though I paid for one. Now one of the three is my second ATF and I will be seeing her this coming week.
So my advise is to give her another chance and you may well be glad you did! You never have to do it though in the same week. Most of my re-does were within the month.
If an appointment get cancelled (with proper notice) then that should not be held against anyone... but neither does it obligate a client.
Let her know you'd like to reschedule with her "in a few weeks" if that suits you. To mention a date with another provider (even indirectly) is just tacky. Be a classy gentleman.
Neither you or I are under any obligation to explain the frequency of our hobby. It takes some will power at times... this hobby can be adictive... to not gorge at the buffet! skb
If your first choice provider is a true veteran, she'll understand that cancellations happen on both ends and rescheduling (or not) is part of the whole game (unless YOU cancel last minute, which is another issue). Let her know that the date you made the appointment on was the best day for you personally, and that you'd love to see her at a later date when your schedule allows.
Just a few words on having a backup plan - usually I ask the provider who cancels (if I really want to see her) if she will be available within the next few days. If I can wait a week to see a provider that I really want to see I can certainly wait a few more days (employing one or more of the various methods typically used to solve the blue ball situation). If you can't wait because you just have to blow your load on that specific date circled on your calendar then it is understandable to have a back up plan, even if it is last minute. But this hobby ain't cheap - you're only going to end up seeing your 1st choice provider anyways.
We all have at one point needed to cancel an appt I know I have. We all have families and lives and sometimes it just can not be helped. I say be honest about it. I have had to cancel for kids stuff, the flu, car trouble and so on. I try to be as flexable as possable with resceduling yet do not feel you are obligated to do so. Life throws us curve balls at times. No way around it.
I'm sure the time will come when I have to cancel, but it hasn't yet.
On the flip side, I have had providers cancel on me. In some cases, there was a good reason and appropriate communication. I was called as soon as the issue became apparent. We rescheduled and had a great time. A different lady handled things in what appeared to be a less proactive and forthright manner. So far, I haven't bothered to track things down for another appointment, and probably won't.
I am very careful not to overcommit or get into bad spots where things get too complicated. If a plan falls through, as mentioned above, I don't try to line up another lady for the time I had put aside. It would be too short on notice to do her or me justice. I would rather only see ladies I want to see when it will really work out. Whether naive or idealistic, I don't want to go into a session with a "backup plan provider" or "second choice lady" merely because they were available.
Be honest and tell her you'll get back to her. You don't need to give her explanations, but you could respond back and say that you'll see her in the near future. Everyone needs to cancel at some point in their hobby or provider experience, but as long as someone has a good excuse and called to let you know ahead of time, then that's a valid excuse. Other reasons, like NC/NS are the worst. See my post above.
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