Apparently nobody cheats on there SO here except me. I'm a habitual cheater and my wife is nympho, loves to fuck and is beautiful. You seem like the type of guy that will cheat on your SO with a hooker and then go home and tell your wife out of guilt. The good news is that you can tell her you fucked a hooker because of her lack of intimacy and she might be sympathetic. I thankfully do not have that excuse. Part of me wants to tell you to cancel the date and work on your marriage, but it appears that you picked a good one and you will be missing out.
After months spent on TER and P411, learning everything I can, last week I decided I'm ready to pull the trigger. Identified an awesome provider. Got screened. Set up a tentative time this week (still need to confirm).
Now, as the subject says, I'm FREAKING OUT. Don't think I can do it.
What if my SO finds out?
What if I bring home an STD?
What if it's an LE operation?
What if the guilt is overwhelming after the fact?
I know the likelihood of 1-3 is extremely low (and only I can deal with #4).
This provider seems just great. Awesome communication, 10+ reviews on TER over past couple of years. Contacted her via P411. Seems like a bulletproof scenario. But a voice is screaming in my head: "don't do it!"
I imagine many of you have been where I am. Advice?
Seriously, that's what got me through the first couple of rounds.
If you really do love your wife and the guilt will be "overwhelming" that's a completely different matter, and one you need to work out for yourself.
I have seen literally thousands of hookers in my life, but I am not a cheater and never strayed even once while I was married, but that's just me. I am a very tiny minority in that regards here, I will say that if that is the main thing holding you back, there is no shame in holding off a while to get your thoughts together, once you cheat on your wife it's not like you can "undo" it. Those little voices in our heads are there for a reason, and worth listening to, unless that voice is telling you to go blow something up or something of the like of course. lol
find intimacy in P4P or in a casual civie hookup. IMHO, the casual civie hookup has too many strings attached. Therefore I partake in P4P.
Last time we f-d = July 2017. She’s just not interested. I know part of her would be relieved no to have the burden (but another more vocal part of her would be extremely opposed to the concept!).
The whiskey suggestion earlier is leaning me more towards pulling the trigger (whiskey being the catalyst for most of history’s great decisions).
It's hard to give an STD to someone you are NOT having sex with.
I try to "read between the lines" when people make posts here. One of your concerns was bringing home an STD, that would make someone assume you were still having sex with your wife. If you aren't having sex at home, that's a completely different situation.
I still have to ask you, if you really need a "shot of courage" to do this, is this something you REALLY want to do? I am hardly trying to be judgmental, I have loads of friends on these boards who have been cheating on their wives for decades, but they don't seem to be as emotionally conflicted as you. Speaking strictly for myself, if I hadn't been laid since July 2017 the crack of dawn wouldn't be safe around me, but something about the way you are posing this question makes me think that perhaps this "hobby" is not for you.
"screaming" in your head not to do it, and you're "FREAKING OUT" about it. A little doubt is one thing. But that inner voice SCREAMING at you is another thing entirely.
If I were you, I'd hold off on this unless and until that voice is whispering vs screaming. It may not be right for you. Also, it's easy to make mistakes when one is FREAKING OUT.
Also bear in mind that #2, #3, and likely #4 on your list lead directly to #1. If you can't bear the thought of your SO finding out, which could happen any number of ways, reconsider. Maybe this is something you could talk with your SO about--if not directly, then indirectly (eg discuss your unhappiness with the status quo).
...it's about YOU. As my fellow hobbyists have said, you should probably listen to the inner voice -- it's telling you something you need to know.
Like GaG, I've never cheated on an SO -- that's why I always qualify my statements that "I've been in p4p since 1992" with the proviso "off & on." When I'm in a relationship, I don't partake in p4p -- just how I'm wired. So when I look back, I can hold my head up and tell a new woman with relationship potential that I've never cheated on another SO.
So listen to the voice, take some time and let the situation calm itself to where you can rationally reflect on an emotional situation. Maybe it leads you to try and repair whatever the deficiency in your relationship might be, maybe it leads you to adventures in p4p.
But as has also been said above, once you cross this particular Rubicon, it changes things.
Buena suerte!
Great advice here, thanks all. What I needed to hear (including the suggestion to take a couple belts of whiskey!).
Clearly not ready to take the dive at this point.
I'll let you know if the scream fizzles to a whisper (to paraphrase some of the wise advice dispensed above).
For what its worth....
I selected a newbie-friendly provider on 411. At the set time I drove and was nervous as hell. Looked at any cop car behind me warily. Was sweating and had to increase AC in the car. Near the location but not at the location, saw a cop car stationed. Went to location, parked the car but saw some people on a platform fixing overhead wires.
I got the room number but was so scared that I backed out and went away. Saw that the cop car that was near the location had disappeared which kind of was a relief. I then pulled over and relaxed for a couple of minutes and then went back. Apologized to provider, explained my first timer and that was it.
In my case, I didn't have any SO issues or STD concerns since I knew that I'd be using a cover. I was more concerned about LE. And that concern did last for over 15 encounters, after which.........nothing...
Good Luck!!
Apparently nobody cheats on there SO here except me. I'm a habitual cheater and my wife is nympho, loves to fuck and is beautiful. You seem like the type of guy that will cheat on your SO with a hooker and then go home and tell your wife out of guilt. The good news is that you can tell her you fucked a hooker because of her lack of intimacy and she might be sympathetic. I thankfully do not have that excuse. Part of me wants to tell you to cancel the date and work on your marriage, but it appears that you picked a good one and you will be missing out.
Thanks again everyone for the thoughts and input. It's all very helpful. If nothing else I'm glad to have found a community where such good advice is dispensed so easily.
I've been thinking a lot about it... A LOT.
To revisit my initial concerns:
1) What if my SO finds out?
2) What if I bring home an STD?
3) What if it's an LE operation?
4) What if the guilt is overwhelming after the fact?
Regarding #1 -- I'm reasonably sure I can conceal the hobby, and if I can't I'm reasonably sure I can manage it (not without a lot of drama of course). But I'm fairly confident in my ability to be smart and careful.
Regarding #2 -- again, reasonably confident this isn't much of a concern. And there are spit tests that can be done via mail these days (correct me if I'm wrong).
Regarding #3 -- once again, fairly sure this isn't an issue, provided one follows basic protocols (e.g., only work with well-established and well-reviewed providers).
So that leaves me with #4.
So here there are basically two issues:
1) Am I having sex with my SO?
2) Am I happy with the sex I have with my SO?
The answer to the first question is: no. However, I know this is on both of us. Life intervenes. You get older. Kids. Work. Indigestion. We just need to make an effort and commit to intimacy. I've no doubt we can get back in the saddle. And that'll be a good thing.
As to the second question -- yes, I'm happy with the sex we used to have (and may have once again)... but I want more. More than my SO is willing to give. In our bedroom, anything other than mish/CG is just not allowed. Doggie? NOPE! BJ? Well... maybe, but not very good. DATY yes, and that's good. I'm just saying it's vanilla. And that's not really a complaint -- it's making love, not sex, so the point is intimacy and connection rather than specific acts.
But the fact remains: I'd like more. I'd like to experience different partners. I'd like to exchange knowing looks and dirty words with someone, with no strings attached. I'd like to try different positions. I'd like to outsource my needs to other providers, since my SO isn't up to or interested in the task (and I respect that).
So yeah. That's where I am.
I think I'll pul the trigger. Just a matter of when.
there is a lot to say about variety.
I agree with you--Go for it!
Hi everyone (or the 3 or 4 of us left):
Thanks again for all the great advice. I wanted to circle back to let you all know I went through with it today... and I am on top of the world! I don't feel any guilt, nor concerns about STD or LE. Instead I feel the joy of having spent a lovely couple of hours with an equally lovely person.
I was nervous AF... and it took a LONG time for me to get ready. Fortunately I lucked out with a provider who was patient and cool. Finally got there and it was awesome!
So yeah. Think I'll adopt this hobby.
Only problem: the provider I met is definitely not the person pictured on her website. Close, but not her. She was still attractive enough, and a cool personality... I guess there's a lesson there (blurred pictures are a red flag perhaps?)
Anyway, thanks again for all the help and look forward to contributing to this community (once the dust settles).
Yes, the issue with photos not matching or the blurred/turned face is always an unknown -- but it sounds as though it turned out well for you. As long as she's attractive to you and has a good personality, it sounds like you might have a good option.
Especially important in these uncertain times...