let the lady know beforehand that you plan to use her for a reference. There are some ladies who prefer not to be used for references for whatever reason. I think you'll find that most, however, will be happy to give you one.

The hobbiest must ask me and heres why

When I first started here over a year ago I had never given references.

A lady called me on my ad line and said she was so and a provider from...and she needed a reference for...and his e-mail is....and phonenumber...

I knew who she was talking about and said yes I have met him and he is a very nice man. Please enjoy his company. On my website it states nothing about sex but!

Turns out this was the gentlemens wife and he left his computer open somehow. I was not the only lady she called and she gave a lot of problems to the ones close to her home. Thank god I live 2,ooo miles away.

It is for your protection and mine. I always check the provider out. Please only ladies reviewed on TER don't get me caught up in your TOFTT with LE. Be sure to email her info and do call me so I can talk with you. Should you change your hobby phone I usually will not give you a reference.

I have my review policy on the first page of my website for ladies checking me out...

Kisses Haley

any respectable provider would not be offended that you asked. After all, she's had to rely on others providing references for her own screening.

Re: If you don't ask first, you might just piss them both off because

the first one won't give you the reference the second one is looking for if she's pissed.  Just ask.

Always ask.

I make a point of asking gentlemen to contact me first to let me know to expect a reference request. I don't do this because I believe it to be more polite, but rather to ensure that I only confirm references that the gentleman himself has initiated.

It is pretty common though for gentlemen to provide the reference without letting the lady know. So when I get a reference request out of the blue, I will then e-mail him directly first and ask if the reference was by his request. That way I always know I am only providing information at his request.

So yes, my advice is to first drop a note to the lady you are using as a reference with a simple heads up so that she will know to expect a reference request. It is both polite, and for many women, necessary in order to get them to confirm that they have seen you.

I never thought of it that way...  I learn something every day here.  A lady should NOT confirm a gentleman without his consent...  How's she to know, unless she insists on him to contact her first.
skb

Also, if it has been awhile since you've...

seen the gal you're hoping to provide a reference, or have only seen her once, its not a bad idea to schedule an appointment to re-acquaint yourself!

After years of dabbling in the hobby for years with gals who advertised in the newspaper (this is long before CL), I decided to move up in class.  I was fortunate that the need for references wasn't as great then, and I was able to see a couple of FANTASTIC ladies.

My reference crisis came when I was planning a trip to Seattle.  Everyone I wanted see needed a reference!  Most of the gals I had seen didn't have a website, let alone an email address I could use.  Fortunately, I found one of the gals I had seen once, several months earlier, reviewed on TER.  I called to set up an appointment, giving her enough details (rough time, place, subjects of conversation, etc.) to jog her memory of our encounter.  When she opened the door, she said "I remember you!"

Long story short (I know - too late), I had a great time with a great lady, and before I left, I mentioned that I would be traveling soon, and asked if I could as a reference.  Her reply - no problem babe!!!  Hurdle cleared - I've never had a problem since, and I had a GREAT trip to Seattle.  Money VERY WELL spent!!!



-- Modified on 8/29/2008 1:49:25 PM

Re: Etiquette of referrals

This is something I will never get....:

"I feel somewhat embarrassed to tell a lady I am going somewhere else as that seems to me to be somehow disrespectful"

WTF???  That is what this hobby is all about.  We are not a dating agency.  You (the hobbyist) come to see us (the providers) for a reason.  Simple as that.  Why people freak on this subject I will never understand.

If the provider you have just seen is any kind of a true provider, she will offer you to use her as reference before you leave.  If she doesnt, on the way out just ask.."would it be ok if I were to use you as a reference"?

Simple.  

If she gets pissed about it?  Then you know thats one provider to scratch off the list and you let other hobbyist know about it.

Simple.

Disrespectful

I was feeling the same way about asking one of the ladies I see on a fregular basis for a referral & told her so. She told me not to worry it was all about safety & variety was the spice of life. Variety also keeps us from getting too attached to one provider. They know that if they treat us right we'll be back for more.