Those questions about logistics we can help you with. On the question about "should" you do it, the only advice I can offer is that IF you feel like you have to stray and sample another woman besides your wife, hiring a pro is most likely a lot better/cheaper/less emotional option than having an affair.

As far as having a membership here, definitely yes, especially if you are going to be playing in Phoenix which is one of the worst places in the world to get caught, and where LE has one of the highest profiles in catching hookers and johns alike.

I don't see a thing wrong with outcall, but I would caution you to get a room on the other side of the hotel from your co worker, the last thing you want is to have him/her seeing a hooker going into/out of your room. Making the arrangements regarding screening etc can be done easily before you leave home, but do remember, as a newbie without references, many providers are going to ask for a lot of personal information that you may or may not feel comfortable giving out.

All in all, this is not a decision to be entered into lightly, if you find that you like it, are you prepared to start living a life of deceiving your wife? I am not judging, just pointing out a couple of things you might want to consider before jumping into the deep end of the pool. Of course in all fairness, I can't imagine going two years without sex and if I were you I would have either done this or simply left her well over a year ago, but I am a shallow pig that constantly needs gratification. lol

First post, been lurking here quite a while. Been searching forums and looking through a lot of threads, but don't see any exact answers.

1. Is it worth it to contact a provider? I'm just thinking from a purely cost to gratification level. I've been married 10 years and dated the same woman since 19yo, I just feel like I need to experience someone else at least once. This seems like the easiest, no strings attached option.

2. Is it worth it cheating on my wife? This is the hardest debate in my mind, my wife and I haven't had any physical contact in 2 years and it just feels like if I have an opportunity when away on business, then why not?  

3. money - how do you do it? that's the most complicated thing right now. I have no separate bank account, no separation of finances, I make 100% of the money so it's impossible to hide. I'll get cash now and then and am storing it away, but then I worry, will I have enough for a provider. Which leads me to:

4. is it worth it to have a membership here? Sure, I can sign up for a 1 month, find that 1 provider that I can afford and stick with her.  

5. I travel to Phoenix for work a few times a year, was thinking that would be the best time and place. have a trip there next month, would it be best to sign up here now, find a provider that works by email and in my price range and just contact her now and get verification and arrangements out of the way? Unfortunately for me, I'd have to do Outcall this time down, as I'm traveling with a coworker that's renting the car. But in the future, if I'm traveling alone, I could do incall.

Thanks anyone that offers any advice.

I agree with everything GaG said and would add:
1. If you are asking these questions, you're not sure yet.  
2. Maybe you need to ask whether you need to communicate reconnect with your wife.
3. If you've decided you need to explore being with other women, welcome to the club.
4. Do it right. Join TER to see reviews. Join Preferred 411 and get verified. Use these resources to find appropriate, safe, well reviewed providers who are newbie friendly.
5. Don't have regrets. If you decide to go forward and enjoy yourself, great. If you decide it's not don't think you need to fess up to the wife. Just move on and don't stress the marriage you want to continue with.
Hope you come to a decision. Btw, I was in PHX recently and posted several reviews of providers you might enjoy.

You won't know the answers until you try it.

GaG's right about logistics. Those are carefully planned and the one thing you can actually anticipate and manage. The rest is your own emotional and moral dilemma to deal with.

I will tell you this, from experience. If you go into it feeling guilty, you'll come out of it feeling more guilty. Before you decide to do it, I recommend you justify it to the point where you can all but eliminate the reason for feeling guilty. Only you can do this, but there's plenty of reasons, found on this forum, to help you make the justification.  

The other thing I will add is you need to manage your expectations so that when it's over you haven't built it up to be something that will feel like a let down. A couple of things on that point: 1) What she looks like. Websites and airbrushed photos can sometimes lead you to someone who isn't what you anticipated when you meet. You'll have an expectation that they are super-model material, then when they walk in the door and the clothes come off, it's not what you expected. VIP and lots of research helps to minimize that risk. But for your first time, it might be inevitable. 2) How much you spend. Commit to an amount you're comfortable spending , as if you lost it on a wager, or doing something where you weren't expecting to have some level of persistent value. If you aren't willing to look at that money as lost money, even if your experience is great, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Similarly, you mostly get what you pay for in life and this is no different. Very attractive women willing to rock your world usually don't come on the cheap. If that's what you are looking for , prepare to spend that...and research will get you there. 3) After you bust your nut, you're gonna instantly have regret. And feel weird. Know it going in and you'll be much better off. Imagine yourself in a strange city in a hotel room jerking off and what you feel like the second you're done. Now imagine throwing a strange female into the mix. As a first timer, that's going to fuck with you a little. The good news is...not long after she is gone and you are reflecting on it all, you're going to really appreciate the whole experience. Unless you haven't dealt with your expectations of what she looks like and how you feel about what you spent. If you're okay with those two, then the shock of fucking a stranger wears off pretty quickly and pretty soon turns into something you look at fondly...and why guys tend to keep doing this. But the guilt thing and the money have to be dealt with for that to work out.

 Lastly, don't forget that you're paying for a sexual experience. If you're looking for some sort of emotional extension, or remedy, from 2 years of non-sex then you will be disappointed. Whoever you pick to meet might provide that false sense of emotion for you while you're together, but the instant she walks out the door, it's gone. Done. Don't let whatever emotional vaccum it creates mess with your head, or make you think this is the person I was hoping to fix me. This isn't a fix for your emotional and mental issues.

If you decide there's a first time for you...and you do the logistics properly, and pick the right woman for you, and manage your expectations about the money and the experience, you will repeat. You might not think so at first, but you will. This is funny that way. There's something about it.  

Good luck.

I've been hobbying since 2013 just as described above -- TER VIP and P411.

What helps me vis a vis my wife is my strong feeling that I am doing this FOR me, not TO her. My wife has lost interest in sex and I haven't. So I decided to start having the fun I missed in my paralyzingly shy 20s (I'm over 60 now).  

When I come out of a session I can't help but smile at myself and be very happy. And I tell no one I know.

If guilt ever starts to creep in I will deal with it, perhaps by stopping but I don't foresee that now. I agree with the poster above that if you do feel guilty and you stop seeing ladies, then forgive yourself and do not confess. I can't see how coming clean would help anything

Here goes.
1.  Is it worth it?  To me, def yes.  I get to have sex with younger hot women.  You are still young, and since you admit you and your wife are not having sex, and you still want to be sexually active, I'd say, yes it would be worth it.

2.  I think only you can answer this one.  I'm long divorced, so I don't have to worry about the guilt of cheating on a wife.

3.  Money for me is easy, for you, not so much.  I think what you are doing is probably the only viable way to get the funds.  If you research the providers that interest you, you will know how much you need.

4.  Membership here is a must.  Without it, you can not read the juicy details of reviews, or see her required donations or her ratings by other reviewers.  Remember, you can get free VIP days by writing reviews and submitting problem reports.  Go ahead and pay for a month, then work on getting your VIP extended.

5.  Can't hurt to get prescreened, will save you time later on.  If you have to do outcall, as already mentioned, don't get a room at same place as co-worker.  You answered this in your last sentence, travel alone if possible.

Good luck
Swim

Get in the habit of paying cash for things that are not controversial, and for which you don't have to produce any back up.  Lunch is a good example.

You might be able to justify $20/day for lunch, but buy a lunch for half that.  At that rate you'll accumulate $50/week, and in six weeks you'll have $300.  That's enough to spend an hour with a quality gal.

You might even be able to find other similar ways to siphon off some money (lottery tickets?) and rack up money even faster.

Where there is a will, there is a way.

Best wishes and feel free to ask more questions.

Does he really want to live his life that way, basically having to steal from himself to get a bit of strange every few weeks?

I don't mean to sound judgmental, but that sounds like a miserable way to live. If sex was that important to me (and it is), I would simply get a divorce and get it over with (I did)

My first experience in P4P was when I was 24 or 25, I was truly in a relationship that I felt I could not leave (when someone says "I will kill myself if you leave me," it can really fuck with your mind).   While I have periods in which I have been able to resist, the allure of being able to spend time with a woman, no strings attached, is great, it is addictive.   The older that I get, the more that I see my window narrowing and I don't want to waste opportunities in the single most fun activity of being alive, at least for me anyway.

All the advice you have received is great, particularly from GaG.   From your post, it sounds like you may be in your 30s, that is a long way to live a life with no sex atI home and sex on the sly.   Of course, I am full of shit, putting aside the financial implications, I am married to my best friend and I have a hard time conceiving my life without her, and therefore, I choose to carry on this way.  

Once you open that little box, you may find out that wanting to be with "just" one more woman is not enough, you will probably want more.   If you do go through with it, and you intend to stay married, the other thing I would suggest is that you not stop trying with your wife and simply give up as in "I will simply fuck women in P4P and that will be fine,"   not fair to her and not fair to you.   And yes, as someone who did this the hard way for way too long, the combination of TER and something like P411 or RS2K is a sine qua non, it will make it much easier and you will probably avoid some nasty side trips along the way.   Good luck with your decision,

... the OP may find that, if he loves his wife and she loves him but the intimacy is AWOL, partaking in P4P could actually help in his relationship with his wife and others close to him.  That's because when his needs for intimacy have been met, he'll be less stressed, irritable, frustrated, and resentful.  Also, there is something to be said for "practice making perfect."  Some sessions with providers could hone his love-making skills so that, should his wife be open to intimacy with him again, they'll both benefit.  And the answer to the question that could come from his wife at that time is, "You'd be amazed at what you can learn from the Internet!"  

This is not just conjecture or wishful thinking, btw.  I know for a fact it can happen.  

Her lawyer hired a forensic accountant and I had to turn over every single receipt and transaction siip for every thing I spent.

Took a lot of doing, and it was hell, but I still managed to hobby somewhat.

It's amazing what the mind can come up with when faced with challenges.

Not really sure where to start.

I guess, first, thanks for all the comments. I really appreciate people's thoughts. Obviously there is no one else I can really talk to about this and its why I finally decided to just post here.

I love my wife, I love my family. You who talked about intimacy hit the nail on the head. I care just as much about the caressing/fondling/exploring of a woman's body as much as my own physical release. With my wife it seems to be work and I'm perfectly fine pleasuring myself until the day I die, but I just felt like if I got this opportunity, I might as well try it out and see how it goes.  

I'm not really worried about guilt, in the sense, I couldn't live with it and would have to tell my wife. some of you hit it on the head, about the disappointment. i don't really want that feeling after it's over. someone likened it to the feeling after you jerk off at the hotel. Well, I've been doing that for years and I'm never disappointed, so this sounds just like a step up where I waste some money with the company of a nice woman. Which someone mentioned that I need to see it just as that, gambled money or whatever and I already do see it that way. so I'm not concerned from that standpoint either.

Sounds like I need to just do a month membership right before my trips. can't really afford to keep up a full time membership here. not sure on p411, seemed expensive for how often I'd use it. I'm fairly trust worthy and reading this forum a lot, it sounds like ladies with a lot of reviews can be trusted too, so might just see if I can get past screening without it.

Need to run at the moment, will probably be back later to respond to some other things, but would appreciate anything else you guys/gals have to say.

that your wife handles all of the finances? You make the money, but since she's home, she takes care of the books and as a result is very aware of exactly how much is going in and out of the account on a daily basis. If so, then you've got a major problem on your hands. A separate account that is yours and only yours should have been established a long time ago. Not for things like this (since you've only thought of it recently), but just for side money. An account where a small portion of your paycheck would be deposited into. This way you can have some money to play around with just for yourself. If you know that your wife is going to become suspicious of missing funds because this is a well established routine and anything deviating from that routine will raise a huge red flag, then you better get smart fast. Because this might not end well (and by that I mean divorce).

I try not to be judgemental either and I do realize most hobbyists are married, but personally if I was married I wouldn't hobby and if I wanted to hobby I wouldn't be married. I just can't imagine all the secretive sneaky things these guys have to do.

to a cold fish.  It took me a very long time to realize she doesn't like physical contact of any kind.  No hugging, kissing, holding hands, lying together in bed...  let alone sex.  Sex went from an annual occasion to never.  I decided I was not ready to be celibate.  So I belatedly started Pay for Play...  a few years ago.    
We have long had separate accounts (she had benifits for her children) so we didn't comingle funds...   still it's foolish to leave tracks like cash withdrawals on the way to an event.    

Everyone needs pocket money for cash purchases.  Every guy keeps excess in his sock drawer.  Double the amount of your pocket cash...  and move the excess away from the sock drawer...  every few days.  When you have enough you can play.  

According to reports, there's a lot of LE activity in Pheonix.  

Do not play where your vehicle might be seen by friends, family...  or coworkers.  This is a secret world & is best kept that way.  If you must talk or ask questions...  do it here.

she pays most of the bills, but doesn't look at our finances that closely. My wife is a spender that I've had numerous conversations with her about not doing. she goes out and buys for her own hobby (costuming/clothing making) and doesn't ever put a second thought to how much credit card debt she is putting on. She actually makes quite a bit of cash, so some of what I've been pocketing has been coming from her.  

she doesn't usually even ask me when I pull out money from the bank account. She'd say something about $100, but I try and stick to $40 or $60 and use half and pocket the other half. but I've only been doing this since I made up my mind at the beginning of the year that i could really use this.

jumping. From the sound of you and what you've written, my impression is to not be impulsive. Yes, we all have to jump on both sides of the coin here but even though you've been lurking and not finding your answers, which you may never get until you can answer them yourself, I'd say to wait. This world seemingly isn't as easy to switch on and off like a switch. Make sure you are truly ready for all aspects on your side before flipping that switch, cause you can never go back.  

It seems like you understand the jist of it all but I would surely be careful if you play in Phoenix. I lived there for a short time and played there and IMO, kinda freaked me out. It's a desolate city and you are 'watched' like crazy because of that. Personally, if you travel to bigger cities to play, I'd say to wait for your first time them. You certainly understand incall vs outcall and what's involved but if a 'coworker' is involved with you your first around, again, I'd say to wait until you are alone during travel. It's one thing to have first time jitters when you're on your own, but to add the stresses of someone potentially being part of the mix is not one I would recommend.  

I think you owe yourself a lil more time, a lil more patience and an understanding of just why and what here. And not sure what else has been said, but if you're going to spend your money wisely, I'd say hit up P411 and get verified. It's a rather tight community of well -reviewed providers and okay'd hobbiests who take this world a lil more seriously than some.  

Just my .02. Good luck to you and when you do jump.......take a deep breath cause it could change your life in a way you never imagined.  

 

xx kisses

all cost money.  Sure, buy some of the stuff with a cc but when you go golfing you are paying with cash, lunch & drinks at the 19th hole bought with cash, need more golf balls, etc.  

Those weekly golf outings give you about 6 hours to yourself for whatever.  Go hit some balls at a driving range, go to the gym to shower & shave, then go meet a provider and you will feel better.

Wait. You originally said that you make "100% of the money" and that it is "impossible to hide". Now she makes quite a bit of cash. So does she earn cash under the table so to speak? And if she's not paying that close attention to the finances, then what the hell are you concerned about? Especially if she goes on wild spending sprees. You could easily cover up your hooker cash with her debt. And if what you say is true about her spending boatloads of cash on all sorts of shit for herself, then why the fuck are afraid of spending that money? It's YOUR money! So she can question you about withdrawing $100, but she can max out the cards? LOL! Some of what you're saying doesn't add up.

END OF MESSAGE

Good points.

I am fairly "new" to TER and BP, and haven't been with any of the ladies yet. I am still
"looking". As I mentioned on the other board (the non-newbie board) my wife is disabled,
and I am seeking occassional female companionship.

One of the questions I had planned to pose to the group had to do with "references".

When I texted a few girls, they also asked for "references", but didn't quite say what
it was that they needed to know.

So, once more: "what" kind of references should I be able to provide if asked?
I haven't been with any ladies since I got interested in BP and TER, so that's out.
I am twice retired from work, so no work references (Been retired a few years now,
from out of state).
I don't have a lot of friends, male or female, and I certainly wouldn't want them to
know about my interests in BP or TER.

Any help in getting "established" with the ladies would help here.

I DO understand the need for screening in so far as safety and security are
concerned, but again, need to know what is acceptable for references. So,
how do I convince a lady that I am harmless and not a danger or threat to
them? Perhaps a meeting in a public place before an encounter? Looking for
ideas and solutions....

1) A hobby is very helpful -- preferably one that allows you to buy and sell stuff with a profit that you can stash away.

2) Get another account and have a portion of your paycheck fund it automatically -- preferably at a bank apart from where you and your wife bank.  A good reason for this is for a 529 for kids -- the 529 will be under your SS# only.  It's easy to have a few hundred $ automatically deducted from each paycheck into an account used to fund the 529.  (But also easy to take some of the $ out periodically and stash it in a safe or leave it in your desk at work.)  

3) Use cash when by yourself and use your known credit card when with your wife for everything you can.  

4) Always pay for hobby hotel rooms with CASH!!  (And use a PO Box address if you use a hotel membership card for ANY hobby reservations -- even if you pay cash!)  Have the PO Box in a nearby town APART from where you live!

5)  A membership here and at P411 are both essential to start.  Once you have 2 or 3 ladies who "Okay" you on P411 and whitelist you here, you can stop your TER membership to save some $.

Only you can decide the answer to your first 2 questions.  But, if your wife does not work, does not put-out, and also controls the money... then there is a better than 50/50 chance that she might be preparing some sort of exit strategy for herself -- mostly likely involving spousal support/alimony/child support.  Perhaps you might want to have a look at your finances real closely also before you start your own play strategy?  With all of that in mind, my guess is that you will benefit greatly from a little R&R when on the road for work!  

sorry, the word "quite" was a bad choice of words. It's not enough to be considered a substantial amount, but enough to buy some food and not ring up as much CC debt. It also hasn't been enough to even consider it a job and yes, since I do our taxes have been leaving it out as income, since she doesn't often actually make up for the supplies she buys.  

she's reigned it in after many discussions between us, so that's where she questions more of my transactions. basically if I had thought about this hobby 3 years ago, I could have gotten away with what you are saying, but now it's harder because I'm watching her spending, she also watches mine and we call each other out on stuff.

does that make sense?

Great reply Gambler.  I appreciate your insights

The advice to be careful in AZ is very important. The last thing you need is to get busted. Well reviewed girls (a rule of thumb I have read is to go for ladies with at least 2 pages of reviews), with reviews from guys with multiple reviews should keep you out of the slammer.

An ideal excuse, and a safer place to play (though it is by no means legal there) is to go to Las Vegas. Tell the wife you started gambling one night just for fun, had a little too much booze, and found yourself down $500. That's a story anyone could believe.

My advice, go for it. Just be sure to be smart with using TER and obviously be sure you use protection.

And like others have said, don't tell anyone you know. Period. And no matter how guilty you might ever feel, never confess to the wife. Period.  Wives have a tendancy to never get over these kinds of things. So why ruin everyone's life? Just keep the secret. Lots of guys do.  

Good luck and stay safe!

D.

I also try not to be judgmental, but if I were single and free of all the constraints of married life, I would just go out, meet women and get laid instead of paying for sex an hour at a time.

50 year old women.

END OF MESSAGE

Hope this helps:

Same situation.  The marriage went cold, absolutely frigid... emotionally and physically.  And had been totally deceptive about her lack of interest, not just in sex, but physical contact.   At that point I felt she was no longer holding up her end of the bargain.

A "pro" or p4p had been on that bucket list for a long time.  I found myself in the ideal scenario whereby I was traveling to an area I knew very well and had the untraceable $ to spend.  So, knowing nothing about "the hobby" I found a girl on BP.  Pics seemed real, price was right.  Texted, got a reply, a few delays, but she comes over about two hours later.

Long story short, I got lucky.  Very lucky.  Best 90 minutes I'd spent in years and all I got was a 10 min bbbj and 80 mins of conversation with a girl that felt like a friend.  Got a TON of mileage out of that experience two years ago.  Hardly a week goes by I don't think about her.  Like I said, I got lucky.  Turns out she really wasn't a true pro, just a sweet kid trying to pay her way out of a bad situation.  Haven't seen her ad since.

Two things:  I have no guilt about it, no regrets.  I gave myself a good experience and I'll take it to my grave.  I did have a post-session freak-out about STDS, so I got myself tested.  Came back clear. The bigger issue is that even though I haven't done anything since, it gets in your head.  So I find myself, two years later... Thinkin'.    

You better ask yourself two questions:  am I prepared to deal with the consequences if this goes wrong (arrested, robbed, std.). AND am I prepared to deal with the consequences if it goes right.