I find it increasingly difficult NOT to tell someone, anyone, something about the great times I have had this summer. I mean, sex like never ever. The gorgeous, friendly, outgoing, and sexy ladies here--man, it is tough not to say something to someone. OK, I confess that I told my dog.
Writing reviews here is one way of sharing, but I am quite tight lipped about the hobby. Just something I never thought would occur.
I would like to read thoughts by others--especially married folk.
I would think it would be harder for the ladies (unless some of you gents are seeing a whole lot of providers!)
But you'll be better served in the long run by keeping utterly silent. Use the reviews and the boards to get your adventures off your chest. As for real life, nobody's going to understand, and those who are curious will condemn you even as they're secretly tantalized.
I hobbied while I was married. Not a thing I'm proud of; just a thing that happened. It was difficult at first, but you start to realize that all you have to do is keep your mouth shut and you won't get caught. People give themselves away, trying to share these great memories. Don't give yourself away and you'll get to have more of them.
I have told no one about my hobby and have no plans to do so. Eventually you'll settle in a routine with providers and that "I gotta tell someone" feeling should go away.
For the most part, my closest friends know that I occasionally hobby, and they are pretty understanding. They know that we dudes have an occasional need to fulfill our sexual desires, and they have a much better image of the hobby now than they did before they knew of my activities.
Don't get me wrong. I don't tell this to everyone, but my close friends know, and they still remain my friends and don't condemn me. In other words, they are true friends.
Let me just emphasize that this has been MY experience. I'm not encouraging anyone to tell others about their hobbying experiences.
I suppose that some people keep it a complete secret and never tell anyone aside from discussions here, but that is not my style and never was my intention.
I have been fortunate enough to become friends with another hobbyist and we have a pretty active discussion in emails and in person a couple of times a month. Some if it is sharing the experiences, but a lot of it is about staying grounded and realistic.
I also have one non-hobby friend who knows. Since I bought him a hooker for his bachelor party and knew that he enjoyed her, I was not too worried about being condemned. He is not that interested in hearing about it, and I get that, too. Sort of a one way conversation.
I also discuss the hobby with my regulars. That seems like a two way street, since many of them also lack a lot of people they can comfortably discuss this with. Early on my regulars used to ask about my experiences, who I was seeing, how things were going. With the current ladies I see, they do not ask about other ladies, or say much about anyone specific, with rare exceptions. No idea what that means, if anything. Could be that despite living in a big city (Chicago), as my tastes have gotten more specific, everyone I see is no more than one degree apart from everyone else?
For me, it is very important to have someone to talk with. I am comfortable with a certain level of secrecy and separation, but I am really one person, and this is part of who I am. I find I am attracted to ladies who have a similar approach - more out than hidden. Just be careful who you choose as there are a lot of very judgemental people outside the hobby, and a lot of snakes in the hobby.
That is my way. Like Jack, I am not saying it is the best way, just what has worked for me.
Society sill views as infamy. Those outside the hobby will just never understand. It's best to keep sealed lips behind your lascivious grin. I suspect even your dog was thinking, "I would never pay to sniff some beagles butt."
Their work personna & their home personna. It IS a switch at shift change, for instance. This is just one more. You need to think through everything. Don't leave tracks, the risk is very high that they'll be found. A separate hobby email, not similar or linked to you. Separate P/W (duhh) A hobby phone. Shut off & hidden well when not in use. Disguise well the data on it or erase (my plan) in case it's ever found... at least you didn't make it easy. (Ask Tiger!) Don't use Credit Cards somewhere you should not be. Accumulate cash for extras.
Women can smell sex from a distance. Wash up before going home. At providers, gym, etc I did some but once wifee tried an uncharacteristic kiss when I arrived home. I faked a bathroom need & washed up again. By the time I got back, she was no longer in a kissy mood. It may be unconscious but if the scent is recognized, you're in trouble. Use soap same as home or unscented... strange smells are suspicious.
There are many more tips on this board.
Another approach some use is to hobby only on trips or only when wife is away.
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