1.  Men take a shower before arriving at the appointment or ask to use the shower at the provider's incall.  Simply washing you "johnson" does not constitue a shower.  If you want any attention paid to the area south of the border, it should be freshly washed and odor free.  There is nothing worse than smelling "butt" during oral.

2.  Wash your hands when you arrive and trim your fingernails before the appointment and use a nail file so that there are no sharp edges.   Sharp fingernails can scratch a womans sensitive areas.  Dirty hands and sharp fingernails can cause infection.

3.  The two objects on the front of the woman that men are so infactuated with are called breasts.  Many men take comfort in  sucking them just like they did when they were infants.  But, like when they were infants, their mother weaned them as soon as they got teeth because it hurts.  Unless you want to be weaned from the provider's breasts, do not bite or nip at them.  Why?  It hurts!  That said, there are some providers who like rougher treatment on their breasts.  Don't take for granted that all providers are the same.  When in doubt, ask!

4.  Before the remote control, your television had knobs.  I am not sure if its "knob withdrawal" as those needs are not met by the remote, but some men like to twist a woman's nipples like they were tuning in a channel on the television.  A woman's breasts are sensitive.  Unless you enjoy a woman twisting your "Johnson" like a joy stick, you may wish to remember that.  And again, when in doubt, ask!

5.  Kissing.  There is nothing less desirable than kissing an ashtray, the onions from your lunch whopper or garlic from your italian dinner.  If you can't brush your teeth in advance, ask to use the provider's mouthwash.  Also, I don't know where the habit of sucking on a woman's tongue originated, but I've had gentlemen who have done that so hard that it hurt.  The same goes with biting while kissing.  I've had that done so hard that the next day I had tooth mark bruises on my lips.  Remember, a provider uses her mouth, lips and tongue for oral and a bruised tongue or bruised lips may result in that activity being skipped altogether.

6.  Fingering.  Gentle fingering, with clean hands and neatly trimmed nails can be fun.  But, don't be mistaken... there is something else that you brought that we would prefer inside us!  *wink*  Too much can cause desensitization of that area and make the main event less pleasurable.  Also untrimmed nails can cause cuts and scratches and make the main event just plain painful.

7.  DATY.  This can be a fun experience for both.  However, you may want to start with the outer areas gently and then work on the little button.  This would be a good time to ask if the lady likes firm pressure or gentle pressure.  Like men, if you take a break during this attention, you will need to start all over again... so be prepared to hang in there for the long run.  When the woman gets close, this is not a good time to change techniques.  Once this happens, the key is consistency.  Consistent rhythm and pressure.  Otherewise you will get her  close to the top, and she won't be able to finish.  And when the provider asks you to stop, STOP.  Just as the head of a man's thingy may become hyper-sensitive after an orgasm, the same holds true for ladies during oral.  

8.  Squirters.  Contrary to what some people think, not all providers can be made to squirt.  Also, the liquid that comes out is not urine.  This is not a reflection on your ability, its simply a function of anatomy and biological response.  Some providers get very wet and squirt, some just get wet and some barely get wet, even during orgasm.  Factors such as the use of allergy products or diaretics can decrease the amount of fluids that a woman produces.  So if your favorite provider got extremely wet the last time and was less wet this time, it does not mean that she did not enjoy herself.

9.  Greek.  Not all providers offer greek.  Not all PSE providers offer greek.  That said, many providers do ask for an additional donation greek language lessons.  Why?  Because there is a certain amount of preparation required (internal cleansing) before this activity.  If a provider does not list greek as an option, do not assume that she will make it available.  This is highly unlikely and especially more unlikely last minute.  Trying to sneak in the back door of a theatre is frowned upon.  Likewise, trying to sneak in greek is unwelcomed and may result in a shortened appointment.  Also, cross contamination is a real problem for women as they can get serious infections, both internal and urinary.  Under no circumstances should you attempt to play the front and back 9 simultaneously manually or during intercourse.

10.  buttcheese or face slapping and hair pulling and biting during intercourse.  Watching too many pornos?  It could be.  Some providers may enjoy this particular brand of fun, but there are just as many who do not.  Again, when in doubt, ask!

11.  Hickeys.  Aren't you a little too old for highschool antics?  Providers have lives outside the business and families.  Hickeys are not appreciated.  Would you like to go home to your family with a big hickey on your neck?  In the word of Rickey Ricardo, "Lucy you have some 'splainin to do" comes to mind.  The same holds true for the provider.

12,.  The BJ.  Yes gents, I knew your eyes would light up on this one.  Familiarize yourself with the provider's review before book.  If all the reviews indicate that she only offers CBJ, do not try to negotiate a BBBJ.  If the provider's reviews indicate BBBJ, the chances are, this will be available with some exceptions; a) if she has just returned from the dentist and has any open cuts or sores in her mouth from that visit (such as after a cleaning or deep scaling), b) if, after she has inspected your johnson, she finds any rash or bumps or unusual discharge, c) if she has bad allergies and is having difficulty breathing through her nose or d) if you request a covered BJ.  When you are near completion, do ask if she would like you to pull out rather than finishing in her mouth.


13.  Slip-n-slide.  We all agree that activities feel better 'au naturale."  But lets face it, we are not a couple in a real life committed monogamous relationship and there are too many risks associated with this activity.  You may know that you are safe.  I don't and I am not willing to take the risk.  Also consider, if I did agree to go BB with you, "because you are a special person," I would probably say that to ALL MY OTHER CLIENTS.  So, in truth, you will have slept with everyone that I had slept with during the course of my business.  Are you sure that every other gentleman is as honest as you?  So, gents, if you remove the cover during the main event... you will be asked to leave (as it will be apparent to me that you do not value MY safety) and no refund will be forthcoming.

14.  Going over.  I am compensated for my time.  A courteous client understands this and is conscientious of keeping wihin the time constraints of our appointment.  If he is thoroughly enjoying our time together and wishes to extend, he asks if I am available to extend and is aware that additional compensation is due immediately and that he has sufficient cash to cover that extension.  He understands that I may have another appointment after ours and need time to get ready between appointments.  He does not request another serving 5 minutes before the appointment is due to end.  It doesn't happen that fast and each serving takes longer.  When given the signal, he takes the hint, gets cleaned up and leaves.



-- Modified on 7/16/2008 11:23:18 AM

15.  Roll-over minutes.  I am not a cell phone company.  If my minimum is an hour and a half and you leave in 45 minutes due to your own personal commitments, that does not mean that you are entitled to stay and additional 45 minutes on your next visit.  I reserved that entire appointment slot for you and am not responsible if you have schedule conflicts.  

16.  Running late.  Be polite.  Unforeseen circumstances happen.  We have no control over accidents on the road, road construction. flat tires or traffic jams.  If you are running late, by all means call the provider and give her an estimated ETA.  Do not assume that her schedule will accomodate your lateness.  If she has another appointment scheduled a half hour after yours, your tardiness may not give her sufficient time between appointments.  Or she may have other important personal commitments to attend to such as picking up children from school, a doctors or dentist appointment, etc.  If she does not hear from you, she may wait 15-20 minutes and leave her incall.  

17.  You are early.  Again, be polite.  Call the provider and see if its alright to arrive early.  Don't just show up and knock on her door.  She may be in route to her incall.  She may have a friend over.  She may be in the shower getting ready.  Or she may have some type of maintenance person at her apartment or condo.  Or, if she is ready and available, she may be able to accomodate you earlier than your appoijntment time.

18.  I am not pizza hut.  I do not deliver in an hour. I do not drive around your area, with a suitcase full of supplies, like your local icecream truck, so that I am available to you at your whim.   It amazes me how often someone asks for an appointment last minute and then becomes upset when I am not available.  I am not available because I may have personal obligations, may still be at home in my PJs or doing housework and  need time to take a shower, fix my hair, apply makeup and travel to my incall or may be meeting with a gentleman who booked in advance..  That is not to say that there are times where you may get lucky and find me available.  But, don’t be upset if your schedule is so unpredictable that you cannot book in advance and I am not always available.  Also, if you are looking for an appointment first thing the next morning, and request the appointment late the previous night or early that morning, I may not get your request in time to meet.  Sometimes I treat myself and sleep in when I don’t have early a.m. appointments, or I may have been out late the prior evening on an appointment and need that extra sleep.  *wink*  If you are a new client, I may also need time to prescreen you.

19.  My hours are listed on my website.  If my website states that I take my last appointment at 9:00 p.m, please do not call me at 3:00 in the morning on your way back to your hotel from the local pub looking for companionship.  If you use a verification service such as room service 2000, do not assume they are available 24 hours a day and  that they respond back immediately.  It takes time to get verification and if you have waited till the last minute and want an immediate appointment, I may not be able to verify you in time to meet..

20.  Special needs.  

     A.  Allergic to latex?  If you are allergic to latex, not all providers keep non-latex covers on hand.  You          may wish to bring an unopened box of non-latex covers to the appointment.

     B.  Extra large?  Again, while we try to keep all sizes available, if you require a magnum or magnum XL, you may wish to bring an unopened box with you to the appointment to be sure.

     C.  Handicapped accessible?  If you are handicapped, using a wheelchair, walker, or have other physical limitations, you may wish to check with the provider before the appointment to see if her incall is handicapped accessible.

     D.   Environmental allergies?  If you are allergic to perfume, fabric softener or other scents, you may      wish to point this out to the provider in advance.  Nothing spoils an appointment quicker than your sneezing or breaking out in a rash.

    E.     Cigarettes?  Before you assume that its ok to light a cigarette in the provider’s incall, you should      ask.  She may have cigarette allergies, or may be a non-smoker or have clients who  will not appreciate the residual cigarette odor.

     F.     Erectile dysfunction?  If you must use a “thingy pump” or rely on penile injections, please mention      this to the provider.  She may ask you to step into a separate room  to use one of these devices.Lets face it, some people are squeamish about needles and unless she knows why you have brought a hypoderrmic needle, seeing one during the appointment may put her on edge as she has no idea if you are diabetic, if you are taking illegal drugs or if you have some other physical condition that she should be concerned with.


21.  Before the appointment, please visit my website and reviews again in advance.  Be sure you know the donation for the length of time we have booked and have that donation  ready immediately upon arriving.  Do not be offended if I verify the amount.  As they say, one bad apple spoils the whole bunch .  Re-acquaint yourself with my reviews so you know what to expect, cbj, bbj, cim, etc.  

22.  Not your local pharmacist.  Just because I am a compensated companion does not mean that I have access to products such as Viagra, Levitra or Cialis and make them available to my clients.  The reason that these products are prescribed by physicians is that there are numerous contraindications  which may preclude someone from being able to use them.  These include; heart problems, other medications (such as alpha blockers or nitrate medications) which may produce a dangerous reaction, priapism (an erection that lasts more than 4 hours  and can be painful and dangerous).  Fatal heart attacks have been reported  for gentlemen with heart problems who use one of these products.  

23.  Illegal drugs.  I am not your local  “bag girl.”  Do not ask me if I can hook you up with marijuana, cocaine or other illegal substances.  Also, do not presume that it is OK to bring your “goodies” to our appointment.  I am not making any judgement calls about your activities, but request that you respect my decision not to allow them around me.

24.  Alcohol.  So you brought a large bottle of wine, or two, to the appointment.  How thoughtful.  However, just because you brought an entire bottle, does not mean that it has to be finished at the appointment.  Remember, alcohol can produce unpleasant side effects.  If you become rude, beligerent or unruly, you may be asked to leave.  Also excessive alcohol consumption may cause E.D.  If you are nervous or just want a social drink, or two, great!  A little wine does take the edge off.  Over-consumption  is frowned upon.  Also, you don’t want to drive intoxicated and risk injuring others or yourself.  Either leave the remains of the bottle with me, or if you  must, take it with you when you leave.

25.  When you arrive, do so discreetly.  Wait till you are inside my incall for any  greeting.  If you have brought gifts, please put them in a bag so as not to attract undue attention.

26.  Lastly, if you are a newbie, do let the provider know.  This may explain your nervousness to her and she will be able to put you at ease rather than become uneasy herself.

And remember, you are there to enjoy yourself.  Try and leave your troubles outside and just have fun!






-- Modified on 7/16/2008 10:53:05 AM

-- Modified on 7/16/2008 11:19:23 AM

-- Modified on 7/16/2008 11:20:01 AM

Even the dullest of hobbyists would have to work real hard to mis-understand these. I take it that you've experienced all of these at one time or another.
jhb

What prompted this post is that the summer months seem to attract a bunch of "new" hobbiests to my area of the country, Chicago.  

Just this morning I received an e-mail sent at 3:14 a.m. requesting a 6;00 a.m. appointment when I don't even wake up that early.

I had a past client who left after 45 minutes as he had a meeting downtown, and at the next appointment told me he would like to add that 45 minutes to his appointment that day.  I had to refuse him as a) I had another appointment in 2 hours downtown, outcall, and needed time to ready and travel and b) it was not my fault that we ended early.

And finally I had a client arrive 55 minutes late and call me on his cell phone, and I had already left and gone home having not heard from him and not being able to reach him via his cell phone, who was upset that he made the drive for nothing.  Had he called me, since it was my last appointment of the day, I would have stayed around.  Honestly, I thought it was a NC/NS.

-- Modified on 7/16/2008 11:42:16 AM

Very informative and with a humorous twist .

I couldn't stop reading after you hooked me with all the metaphors!

-- Modified on 7/16/2008 12:05:46 PM

Well, I'm sorry that you've had those experiences. A few can mess it up for many!!!
jhb

It's all common sense, but never hurts to be reminded of these things.  Thanks for the reminder.

Swim

Thanks for posting that!

Many of those issues have been discussed, but not so nicely packaged into one easy-reading set of posts. Mostly common sense, but some I hadn't thought of before. For example, strong perfume does bother me, but I didn't even think about mentioning it.

Your post(s) should definitely be included in the Newbie FAQ. Well done.

This is a perfect Hobbyist Handbook. Thanks a lot
for your well thought out posting

but added some new things and thought a timely reminder was due.

I've been wanting to try the hobby for a couple of years now, but have been a little nervous.  

Thanks for the well articulated reads on the "do's" & "don'ts."  Although everything you've stated seems obvious, rookies and vets alike still need a reminder.

All of a sudden, I think I'm ready to mingle, thanks again...

QK

Not many people could have put that all together, and kept it as light as you did. I hope that everyone who reads it can see that a lot can be said without one word of negativity.

Beautifully done.

Copied from our Chicago Board, where Sinful is wrll known and highly respected:

Great advice as usual, Sinful 1.

IMHO, whan seeing a lady (Lady, not "provider." That objectifies her too much.) for the first time, a gentleman should treat the event as if getting ready to take someone to a high school prom or go out on a first date. Be clean. Dress well. Be on time. Be polite. It is all common sense.

If you're looking for more, either be up front about it or, better yet, wait until a second encounter. Coming on too strong with a lady you've not yet met could give her the jitters if you seem too way out or possibly like LE.

I look on my experiences as dates, no different than when I was still in the dating scene. Always be a gentleman. Always treat your new friend like a lady. If you can't respect her, you're disrespecting your own selection. I've made some good friends that way, including the sensational Sinful Sinthia.

I know, everyone is different. That's just my $0.02 worth.

It is good to post these basic-education pointers periodically.  Sometimes, the things you'd think are just common courtesy, people are actually very clueless about.  

So watch out ... now I'm thinking of ideas for a straightforward, tongue-in-cheek reminder for ladies ... !

for both sides of the equation.  And I am sure that some friendly reminders to providers would also be welcomed.  Again, as a provider, it is either not my place or appropriate for me to speak for the hobbyists.

Unfortunately, some hobbyists feel that since they are paying for the providers time, that gives them carte blanche to do anything/act any way they want. They feel the rules of common courtesy and common decency go out the door as soon as they walk in. But that's just my view on it.
jhb