Hi all,
I can't decide whether or not to get into this hobby. I've weighed various risks, but the one I'm most concerned about is my brain.
I am in my late 20s and have slept with only 2 women (both LTRs). I have been told that I am "good looking" and so you wouldn't think I would have trouble meeting women, but I do because just about everything I am involved in is a sausage fest (the music I listen to/play, my career, etc). I've really tried to like things where more women are involved, but I always end up feeling that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons, and I don't really enjoy it more than music anyway. Plus, none of my friends help me meet anyone, either. I was recently hurt by an evil woman, and this raises my already high wall of defense.
So, without getting into too much detail, I ask you: what will becoming a hobbyist do to my perceptions of myself and others? Would it spoil me so that I'd never want to have a committed relationship? Will it make me feel better or worse about myself? Any thought?
the hobby affects each person in a different way. Many men have said things like they feel they are carrying less emotional baggage, they don't have the same pressure to try and make friendships with women into sexual relationships, they aren't wasting ridiculous amounts of time trying to score and making fools out of themselves in the process.
OTOH, if you've been emotionally wounded by an "evil woman", which I take to mean by a person who got an unhealthy gratification out of causing you to suffer emotionally, or took advantage of your trust, welcome to the hard part of life, because there are manipulative, warped, or just plain sick people in life, and you have to learn to see them coming and stay out of their way. If this is seriously bugging you, then find a good therapist (consider interviewing three or four until you get a good rapport click) and figure out what caused you to fall into this mess and what you need to do to keep it from happening again.
Relations with providers can be incredibly therpeutic, but that doesn't make them therapists by profession, although a lot of guys seem to think that they are.
My atf-girlfriend-now just good friend used to roll her eyes when she told me about her boring customers who would make her listen to their problems or brag endlessly about how great they were or reassure them about their penises. Part of her appeal was that she was (and is) adept at pretending to be fascinated by all this convoluted male ego blather.
When I first wandered into the hobby, I got outrageously lucky and met the sweetest, most beautiful venezuelan girl who was new to the business as well, so that initial experience gave me tremendous confidence about how good it could be.
The second time was a nice enough woman, but she was burned out, mixed up, struggling to stay afloat, but she tried her best, it was a little tragic and passable but forgettable.
I think if I had been with her first, my impression of the hobby would have been a lot less enthusiastic.
Thanks for your thoughts. Almost like a light bulb turning on in a dark room, I'm seeing how it could be a liberating experience. Now that I think about it, I've wasted a LOT of time trying to create relationships, which could have been used for more productive things. I really think I would be a lot happier if I hadn't been carrying that pressure with me everywhere I go, and in everything I do, for the last ... however long it's been.
As long as you are single, either unmarried, or not currently in a long term relationship, and finally but equally important, if you can afford it, then I say go for it.
However, if you should decide to get involved with someone again then your hobbying days are over, at least for the duration of that relationship.
This is my opinion and I am not trying to foist my own personal sense of morality on you. Take what you want and leave the rest.
However, I can tell you from personal experience that hobbying, while being involved with someone else, ie spouse, or so is nothing but counter productive. It screws up too many lives besides your own.
I know there are those that believe in being married or being involved with an so, and at the same time fuck everything that moves with a clear conscience. I disagree.
Like I said, you asked for my opinion, take what you need and leave the rest.
I think you will be whatever you let yourself be. There is a hobbyist on here that has been married for 30 something years and I suppose it has made him and her happier, but then again I don't know his personal life. Providers are there to give you that sense of a loving relationship without the drama that one can bring and thats what many people like about it providers and hobbyist alike. Plus most gentlemen your age are out having that type of fun anyway so the only question is do you want to struggle to find it or have it at you bekon call. I say try it out if you think thats its changing you or you odnt like it, you can always stop.
-- Modified on 5/9/2003 4:15:51 AM
It sounds like you all think the majority of hobbyist are single.
This has not been my experience amoung guys I know or what the many providers I have seen say about their clients.