Hello. I am a retired guy, going to be 70 years old in about 6 months and have never had a hand job or a blow job in my life.  Obviously I've never been with a prostitute.  Yeah, it's sad and interesting story why, but that's  not the point.  

I'm a normal, happy, active and healthy guy who just wants to experience least a hand job before my birthday in November.  

But I don't have any idea of how to contact a nice lady of the evening (or afternoon, or morning, I'm not picky) regarding this.  I stumbled across this site (TER) and am asking for any advice of where to start.    
Thanks and Please Don't Laugh, OK?

I'd begin by searching for a provider in your area with a 9+ overall performance rating with at least 3 reviews. Best not to take a chance on an unknown girl for your first time. Then simply contact her and arrange a date and time that works for both of you. You might also want to ask if she's okay seeing a 69 year old, but that's up to you.

Why am I thinking of "The Opening of Misty Beethoven"? The opening scenes in the movie theater (in France); Misty and the guy dressed up as Uncle Sam.

So you should jump in both feet and make up for lost time.

Start by reading the Newbie Manual that is linked near the top of this board.  It will give you the basics.

Next start your research on TER by paying up the $20/month (Sorry, Medicare does not cover 8o) and read the reviews to find someone you would like to see.

The biggest impediment is usually not having any references, but if you write a sincere email to the gal(s) you are interested in and explain your situation, someone will see you.

Best wishes and welcome.

Ditto on everything MrFisher stated.

It's best to pay for the VIP membership, that way you can read ALL the juicy details of the reviews. Be sure to see a lady who has lots of reviews. It's not a good idea to see a girl who doesn't have any reviews, as you never know what you're going to get. At least with reading the reviews, you'll have an idea of what the session will be like and know what services she offers.

Also, since you've never seen a provider before, that may be a problem, since most of us require screening before we will see a new client. Alot of ladies won't see a guy if he doesn't have any provider references. As mrfisher said, just explain your situation to the lady, and she may be able to find other ways to screen you. I have clients contact me who haven't seen a provider and are retired. I have alternative methods of screening them, and they've passed the test.

Good luck in your quest! I'm in Atlanta, so if you happen to be around this area, give me a holler!

You're not going to stop at just one visit, and you shouldn't. You have a lot of catching up to do, but remember to watch your blood pressure.

I am in the same boat...  but I started this hobby at 55.  I have met some wonderful ladies & had some wonderful times.  I am retired.  You came to the right place.  To learn the basics, you'll want to read the Newbie manual (link in red at the top of this board) and then read back through this board until you can answer every question.  Then you will need VIP as the others suggested.  You'll also want to look through the local "regional" board (menu to the left).  

No one is laughing.  We're all here, aren't we.

Don't go through your retirement.  At first its like shopping in a candy shop..

And, you've come to the right place.

Thanks to everyone for the advice and encouragement.  I've read all the beginner FAQs and guides (and very interesting reading it was!wow)A whole new world has opened up.

I am signing up for VIP status tonight but one more question.  
I live near a large southern city (is it improper to name cities?) but it is not listed on the regional boards. Will this be a problem?

And yes, i will look for 9 reviews and will indeed tell the escort everything about myself.  Hopefully my enthusiasm and boyish charm can be a way around my lack of experience and references.

Thanks again for this hobby. (Can you call it a hobby if you've never done it?)    

If your city is not listed in the regional boards then use the Other Cities selection. I have to do that then I search for messages with my city listed.
The other thing you can do is go to reviews and then search reviews and put your city in the search. If you search the new reviews this way and then use your VIP to read the reviews in full you should get an idea of what the hobby scene is like in your city. I usually follow all the new reviews to start, it will also give you an idea of how many up sell or other disappointments are in your area. Once you see what you don't want it makes selecting the good ones with the services you do want easier.

I'd search both "other cities" and the nearest one that is listed.  The "New Englad" board covers a lot of teritory but I can quickly scan for area codes or other hints of what might be accessible to me.  

Also you will want to find the regional board closest to your location (menu to the left) & scan it for posts of nearby talent.