Go to "the gym", eat smelly food

Working out at the gym at night is a good way to be out of pocket for 90 min or so.  

Get some really strong smelling fast food, once it's all over your hands and mouth, it'll probably be covering most else.  Here in Chicago we'd get Burritos, Italian Beef, Pork Chop Sandwiches...

See your providers in the summer when you're sweat will cover everything.

when I was married my wife and I usually did our Saturday stuff separately. I had a hobby of building and racing model cars (slot cars). I took her a few times at first. When she saw what I did she decided she would rather shop. Pretty much every Saturday morning we went our different ways. I was gone most if not all of the day. So was she. This became a perfect time for me to go a local strip club for lunch and some fun time after the racing was over. The tracks were sometimes an hour away so miles on the car etc. was easily explainable. Not being able to answer the phone was not an issue. I was always able to verify I had been at the track because I always was for part of the time. Smell of smoke (she and I didn't smoke) was also easy to explain because people smoked there. Maybe something like that could work for you.

Going to the gym in the evening works too. Explains a bag and change of clothing.

Even if you only see a provider occasionally your cover story should be something you actually do routinely. so if you see a provider once a month you actually do the routine several times. That way if she wants to come along once no problem. You also should ease into a routine, while like mentioned the gym is good but if you never went and suddenly you start it can look funny. I even used going to the library, I used to read a lot and suggested to the SO it would save money to go to the library. Then even when I really did go to the library I would take at least two hours and if the SO came with me I would take forever to decide. Finally when I was in the routine I could stop in and out of the library in 5 minutes and have two hours of play time.

The thing is rather then thinking of an excuse to get away once for a provider, think of things you really do like to do that will give you time apart routinely and then it is easy to substitute a provider in once and a while. Also if she asks you what you did you can just fill in real information from when you do go rather then make up a lie.

Start Gambling!

Will explain why 300 was taken out of the ATM, why you were gone for 2 hours, and why you don't have the money when you got home!

I've taken up going on long bike rides. I've even taken an interest in exploring new rides within our state. Keeps me away even longer and justifies longer car rides. After an appointment I will ride for a few minutes to get sweaty and justify the afterglow.

A dividend is that I've really gotten in to it (bike riding too!) and have lost 25# so far this summer. I don't know what I'm going to do in the winter, but this summer has been great.

you NEVER want to put friends in the position of covering for you.  Leave out places you went, never say you went someplace you did not.   Get out of the habit of explaining every erand you run.  

I don't withdraw cash for play time...  I increased my pocket money a few years ago.  I take the same cash each pay period, I stash the excess & withdraw the same amount next time.  

Wife & I useds to be on different schedules, now hers is generally unpredictable.   She was getting freaky about me asking how long she'd be gone.   But SHE has devoluped interests which take her out of the house for several hours, which are pretty regular.  I can exploit those to disappear.  

Everybody has to have their own hobbies & it has to be something which makes sense for YOU.  A gym would not make sense for me...  but I could disappear in the home stores...   Sometimes a purchase can sit in the car trunk for an couple of days...  

Carry your own soap with you in a zip lock bag.  Wash your face, hands, privates before leaving an appointment.   Women can sell sex a block away.  Kissing wifee "Hello" with pussy smell on your face could be the last thing you ever do!   Once I forgot to wash...  I didn't smell it when I left the meeting...   when I arrived home, I could smell the sex on me...   I headed straight to the bathroom "I gotta go!!", washed up before emerging.

Going to the gym might work, but what if after you leave, wife decides to head to the gym as well? Not checking up on you, she decides to get a workout in. Gets to the gym and you're not there?

I hate the idea of eating smelly food before getting home - wife says "Why the heck are you buying and eating McDonalds on the way home, when I have dinner waiting?"

As already explained by others, NEVER come us with an excuse that involves your friends.

If you and your wife have similar work schedules, what I would recommend is you hobby during the work day - take a full lunch hour and hobby then, or bail out of work early and meet your provider. This of course assumes you have more of a white collar job where no one is really paying attention to your coming and going. If you have to sit at the customer service desk from 9am to 5pm, this won't help you.

Of course even this doesn't work if the wife calls you up and says "Let's meet for lunch, I'm 5 minutes away from your office." D'oh!

Other possible problems include car breakdowns in places you aren't supposed to be, a tow or ticket in a place you aren't supposed to be, or unexpected serious traffic - a major accident that closes down the highway you are on! You could be trapped for an hour or more, wife calls with "Where are you, when will you be home?" What's your response gonna be?

Any excuse you find, I can come up with a plausible scenario for failure!