You know, I have been involved with the hobby now for over 20 years. Like most of you, I have had some good experiences, and I have had some bad experiences. But in 20 years, you learn a lot about things, you learn how to comport yourself, you learn what to avoid, and hopefully if you do everything right, you wind up having many more good experiences than bad ones.
Recently, I left my career of over 20 years to branch out on a business endeavor of my own and that endeavor involves working with and for a lot of providers. And you cannot help but develop working relationships with these ladies and as such, you talk 'shop' much of the time. It was what I discovered during the course of these relationships that caused me to realize that many men really do not know what they are doing in the hobby, causing both themselves and the ladies a lot of unnecessary grief.
I, on the other hand, have had so many adventures in the hobby that I could probably write a book- indeed, the length of this post might actually qualify for book status. But I make this post, as an experienced hobbyist, to help both clients and providers alike. So that they might avoid some of the same, silly mistakes that can often turn a good thing, into a decidedly bad thing. I have always said that this hobby first and foremost should be about having fun, and I am certain that if the hobbyist employs some of the ideas that I will outline here, that everybody involved will experience just that- lot's of fun!
Rule # 1- DO YOUR RESEARCH.
The internet is perhaps the single best tool that the hobbyist can employ. When I got started years ago, there was no internet and your dates were pretty much a case of hit or miss. The internet has changed all that, allowing people to schedule quality dates and skip the poor ones. Unfortunately many people do not take advantage of this tool, to their own detriment. Many men make the mistake of choosing their dates based solely on appearance. While it is important to find your choice attractive, many guys look for that 'picture perfect' dream girl. When I was younger, I made the same mistake but I am here to tell you, looks alone does not constitute a quality provider. If you want to find consistently good dates, you should base your choice on what has been written about a particular provider, rather than appearance alone. There are many internet sources (this one included) where you can find all kinds of information about the girl of your choice. We are all different, and we are all looking for different things in a date. Looking at reviews will help guide you to a choice that will be fulfilling to both hobbyist and provider alike. I can say this with no trepidation what-so-ever. THE BEST DATES I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED HAD LITTLE TO DO WITH PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. In fact, if you took all the girls that I have been with and put them in room and I did not know them, and I had to make my choice based solely on what the girls looked like, I would have missed out on the best lays of my life. Look, you have to be attracted to the girl, but there are many more things that constitute attraction than physical appearance alone. And you ultimately do yourself a disservice if you overlook those other things that make us all uniquely human.
Rule # 2 - WORK ON BUILDING A GOOD CLIENT/PROVIDER RELATIONSHIP
This involves remembering a few things but first and foremost, it requires you to look at things through the perspective of the provider. Understand that being a provider is a risky business in many, many ways. There are concerns about law enforcement, disease and the big concern- linking up with a client who might be a dangerous person. Most good providers set up some sort of screening process to protect both themselves, and you. When a provider asks you for minimal information about yourself, they are not doing it to put you in a difficult situation, they are doing it to make sure that they are not placing themselves into a dangerous situation. A provider does not want to see you get in trouble with an employer or a spouse. Think about it for a moment- to use that information in a negative way is only going to cause problems for the provider. Now it's true, there are some providers out there that are not the most stable people in the world, but if you remember rule # 1, you will avoid these girls and protect your ass.
Rule # 3 - DON'T TALK ABOUT, OR ASK ABOUT EXPLICIT THINGS WHEN MAKING YOUR FIRST CONTACT
Working with the ladies as I have for a while you become friends with them. And sometimes, a girl will share an offensive, or stupid e-mail from a potential client wanting a date. And some of the stupid, offensive things that they write and say causes me to want to grab that person, give them a good shake and then yell at them (in the words of Dr. Phil) "Get Real!!" Guys, when you are making your first contact, do not ask a girl a stupid question like, do you swallow? Or something equally idiotic like Can we go bareback? First of all guys, a smart provider is never going to go into things like that when they do not know you. You could be a law enforcement official and a girl could expose herself to all kinds of legal trouble by engaging you in a conversation like that. Furthermore, engaging in that kind of conversation with a stranger is just plain rude. Just because a lady is a provider does not mean that they stopped being a lady. If you had a daughter, would you want some ass talking to her like that? No, you would want to kick his ass. It is no different with a provider. Treat them like ladies guys and they will treat you well in kind. Besides, the answers to offensive questions like that can easily be answered without making an ass of yourself by once again, remembering rule # 1. And if your choice involves a new provider that does not have reviews posted, you have two choices. You can either skip that one until someone has written something about her, or you can take a chance and see her sight unseen, and then write about her yourself so that others might have the information they need. But if you lead off with something crude or offensive, you will either get hung up on or you will wind up with a lousy date and that is not any fun what-so-ever.
Rule # 4 - DO NOT FORM EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS
Now when I say that, I do not mean that it is not okay to form friendships. I have made a lot of friends in the hobby and I like to keep up with what is going on in the lives of my favorite girls. But that is where it ends. A lot of hobbyists make the big mistake of allowing their feelings for the girls to go beyond friendship. That almost always leads to disaster. I realize that if you watch Maury Povich or Jerry Springer you are ultimately going to find some guy who fell in love and married a provider. But those stories are extremely far and few between. If you allow yourself to develop fixations on your favorite girl, you are going to scare the hell out of the girl and you are going to set yourself up for heart break. If you are looking for a lasting, fulfilling relationship, go elsewhere to look for it. Join a singles club, join a dating service, but do not look to the hobby.
Rule # 5 - ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THIS HOBBY IS ABOUT HAVING FUN
This kind of dovetails into rule # 4. It should be about horny people having fun. It should be a brief divergence from your life- a chance to experience those things that you have read and wondered about that you have not previously had a chance to experience. And remember also to not try to take things too seriously. Fun is never supposed to be serious after-all, and if you approach it with that mind set, you'll have all kinds of kinky adventures that will cause you to form a mischievous smile and a hard on when you look back on them. I know that I do.
Keep these rules in mind and I guarantee you will have a blast- happy hobbying!
-- Modified on 1/2/2004 10:49:35 AM
Great, and timely post.
This post is much more serious:
1) DO YOUR RESEARCH
If you were taking up skydiving, mountain climbing or any other sport that has its dangers and can impact you and your family, you would make darn sure you knew what you were doing. You'd do your research, find websites, talk with pros, and make sure you had all your safety equipment, as well as any 'insurance' in place. (health, car, life, etc.)
The Hobby is no different. You must learn the dangers and risk and make sure you are prepared. That includes HAVING AN ATTORNEY ON RETAINER. DON'T BE CAUGHT WITHOUT ONE!
2) WORK ON A GOOD PROVIDER/CLIENT RELATIONSHIP
Just as the author mentioned, if you have chosen well, you have chosen a lady who knows how to protect you. This is a relationship about TRUST. She must feel that you look out for her privacy and safety also. She's trusting in you not to be a dumbass and leave things around: emails, cell bills, etc. They want a relationship with YOU, not your WIFE.
You must always remember the "what if?" What if I get arrested? It's a real possibility. What if they threaten to notify your employer, the military, your wife, take your lovely picture for all your community to see? Have you a plan in mind in case that happens? IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, NOT TALK, NOT LET LE INTIMIDATE YOU INTO MAKING DEALS AND HANDING THEM PEOPLE ON A (STING) PLATTER, THEN YOU HAVE PICKED THE WRONG HOBBY!!! NEVER, EVER, EVER GIVE IN TO THEIR INTIMIDATION TACTICS, AND PROMISES. YOUR PROVIDERS MUST KNOW AND FEEL THIS ABOUT YOU. IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO 'PAY', YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO 'PLAY'. THAT'S WHAT YOUR LAWYER IS FOR - LET THEM DO THE TALKING. The majority of Provider stings were set up by their BEST clients, and/or Provider 'friends'.
GET YOUR GAME PLAN IN ORDER, AND DON'T PLAY UNTIL YOU DO!!
3) THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK
You don't know her history, what she's learned, whether she's been arrested, but understand she knows more about this than you do, and if you said something, and she slammed down the phone fast, yet the conversation WAS going well, then chances are you just said something that 'blew it' and she's not just being a b**ch. It may be something simple and harmless, but it triggered something and she protected herself.
Don't put them in uncomfortable situations. I'd like to think most providers prefer NOT to hear gossip - general, light conversation about others, yes.
Think about how it is for them, when you spend 45 minutes talking about how hot So-n-So was, and how you had such a good time with XXX, and when we're done, can you recommend someone? What is SHE - chopped liver?? Hellooooo???
How would you like it if she went on and on about this and that client of hers, and how hung he is, how much of a stud, how big of a tip? TACKY, tacky.
4) DO NOT FORM EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS
Sometimes, easier said than done.
If she is good at her 'job', you WILL feel special, welcomed, wanted, even DESIRED. It is as much THEIR fantasy as it is yours, and for the 2 hours that you two are together, she wants as much of the romantic fantasy probably that you do. But the key thing is, she also is glad that it 'goes away'..
Relationships like the Provider/Client relationship is built on all the 'goodies' and none of the 'baddies'. The goodies are all the flirting, the lusting, the entertainment (dinner, plays, trips), the intimacy, and none of the 'baddies': bills, kids, neighbors, inlaws, bosses, financial trouble, dirty laundry..
Don't kid yourself into thinking that if you slid your ATF into your 'real life role' that it would be much different than what you like to escape at home. It really wouldn't.
5) ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THIS HOBBY IS ABOUT HAVING FUN
When the ladies get to talking (private boards, etc.), the one thing you will hear is the approach of burnout. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO RECOGNIZE THOSE THINGS FIRST and nip them in the bud before you either start giving bad service (ladies) or you find yourself physically and mentally worn down. THIS HOBBY CAN BE VERY WEARING. One common thing the ladies will say is that they aren't having fun. Why? Sometimes, comments like "we don't have clients - we have PATIENTS!" is a real truth. Come on guys, we DO care about you, and we do want to be your safe HAVEN, but sometimes, hearing all your problems, rescheduling AGAIN for you, or taking you ANYWAY, after you've cancelled for the third time, gets to be way more trouble sometimes than it's worth. They've reserved that slot for you, make it worth everyone's while. When the ladies have had to deal with traffic, bosses, kids, homework, messy house and bills unpaid THEMSELVES, then get ready for what they HOPE will be a pleasant and sensual evening only to hear you bitch and moan, and your're the tenth client in a row like that, well, no, it's NOT FUN, and it leads to burnout and retirement of otherwise EXCELLENT providers. If you want them to stay, make it worthy.
They want what you want: great, intelligent, entertaining company, a pleasant evening, and nice sensual, stimulating/relaxing intimacy.
Leave your drama at the door!
6) TRY NEW THINGS
You might think that you've always had a thing for 28 yr old Barbie blonds, but once in a while try something different!
Experiment in the bedroom and do not be afraid to be very new at it. Teach..and learn, with each other. Have a teachable spirit and let her know she can openly talk with you.
And last, but certainly not least, develop repeat business with ladies. How often is something perfect the first time? Ladies and guys alike comment the most on their ATF's, or the ladies they see most frequently. That's when it really gets good - because you become more comfortable with each other and it really opens things for you both. Besides, it becomes more affordable, too, allowing you the possibility of seeing TWO ladies (separately, OR together!) more often than you might have!
Thanks, wholeheartedly, dimndjim, for your FABULOUS post! I hope you also posted on the Newbie board..
Happy New Year!
Thank you soooo much ... this one post alone answered 80% of my questions.
What about providers who leave the impression that they want to "hang out sometime." Do these girls expect me to pay them for unsolicited invitations to spend time with them? One provider used to call me often, but she never clarified whether she wanted to see me professionally or off the clock.