any discussion of sex whatsoever
negotiating of rates

generally if they escort, you're getting the whole enchilada. but they can still be a rip off; this is why we need ter.

Keep your discussion to conducting the business at hand, meaning setting up a time/date, coordinating your schedules, and take care of any client screening she may want to do to verify you. Never mention money or any sexual acts; the services offered will have to be researched in reviews. Also, be certain that both of you are clear about when/how you will confirm the appointment the day of, if necessary, and understand how/where you will finally meet face to face.

Avoid discussion of sex acts or money in your initial contact.  The provider's rates are generally published on her web site, and the services she provides can usually be found in her profile and reviews.

Cooperate with the provider's screening process.  If you're not comfortable making certain information available, tell her so.  But, if such is the case, be prepared for a refusal of services on her part.

During the contacts leading up to your first meeting, be honest and forthcoming (within your level of comfort).  But understand some providers are more "all-business" than others, and may dislike long, chatty exchanges.  The provider will clearly let you know her preferences.

Follow the provider's instructions to the letter regarding the time and place of your first meeting and any procedures she requires you observe.

Avoid arriving too early.  If you arrive much more than ten minutes before your scheduled time, you may cause difficulties.

Always be discrete.  Don't call attention to the fact that you're on your way upstairs to see a lady of the evening, as it were.

When you arrive, precisely follow the provider's instructions concerning the handling of the donation.  And have the good taste not to haggle.

Arrive clean and well groomed.  Limit your use of cologne (or avoid it altogether).  Some people are uncomfortable with strong scents.  Regardless of your level of cleanliness, be prepared to take a shower on your arrival if the provider so requests.

If you would like to bring a gift in addition to the donation, consider that the provider may have to travel home via air, and that yours may not be the only gift she receives.  If such is the case, keep it small or consumable.  If you choose the latter, don't be insulted if she doesn't tear open the package in your presence; she may be on a diet, or just too polite to say she doesn't care for your offer.

Having done your research before hand, you should know what services are not available or which require an additional donation.  In most cases, these matters are addressed on the provider's web site.  If not, discretely bring up the matter after your initial contact, but before your meeting.  When I say be discrete, I mean don't blurt out, "Do you take it up the *ss?"  Instead, ask if she offers Greek lessons.  The glossary of terms here on TER will help.  Greek lessons, by the way, are a special case, since some providers request advance notice.

Don't ask for uncovered service if the provider doesn't make the offer.  You'll know which the case is; if you feel latex on your wiener, she doesn't offer uncovered services.  Even though it shouldn’t be required, bring along your own protection just in case.  But don't insist on using yours in preference to that provided by the lady; she'll most likely be more comfortable with her own.

Don't be afraid to discuss your desires and preferences openly and honestly once the session has begun.  Believe me, it's unlikely you're going to surprise or offend anyone.  But in having such discussions, be a gentleman.  Don't be crude -- at least no cruder than you HAVE to be, given the subject matter.

Be considerate of the provider's feelings, both physical and emotional.  Also, be considerate of her time.  When she says the session’s over, don’t fool around.  She may need you to be out in a timely fashion.  If time’s not an issue, and the lady’s enjoying herself, she’ll let you know.

If you enjoyed the session, offer to write a review.  If you didn't, be SURE to write one.  In either case, present the facts honestly and completely.  Never say anything untrue or intended to simply be mean or hurtful.

If you would like to leave a tip, that’s up to you.  If the lady is from an agency, my personal practice is to give her a 20% tip, provided the service so warrants.

Beyond these, I reiterate the points I make in my post, “Useful Insight into a Provider’s Mind…” included in the group of helpful links you mention in your post.

Text from my post, "A Useful Insight into a Provider's Mind..."

Those of you who know me from these boards know that I've seen a number of providers and have formed lasting friendships with some of these ladies.  One of the dearest of these friends fell on hard times around October of 2003, so I offered her the use of my spare bedroom and pretty much the run of my house.  In February, my friend got back on her feet and was able to move into her own place.  She and I are still very close and remain in contact.

While my friend lived with me, she continued to operate as a provider, and as such, gave me the opportunity to see things from a whole new perspective.  I thought my observations and insights might be appropriate here on the Newbie Board, because having an appreciation of what's happening on the other end of the phone or internet connection may help some hobbyists be more understanding and patient.  This can only lead to smoother and happier relationships with our providers, resulting in a win/win situation.

I had no idea of the effort a good provider puts forth in securing an appointment and providing the quality of service we hobbyists desire.  Many of these efforts are obvious; the hair, the make-up, the clothes and so on.  But what's not readily apparent is the ratio of contacts to actual appointments.  The amount of work involved is easily equivalent to a full-time job.

The number of dead-end calls is staggering.  Many are from guys who just enjoy the thrill of speaking to a provider, with no real intent of using her services.  It was normal for my friend to spend several hours a day with multiple IM sessions open (some with a web cam, so she had to look her best) carrying on simultaneous conversations.  All the while, each phone call and IM message had to be treated as a potential client.  No matter how tired my friend was, or how poorly she may have felt, when she was on the phone or on-line, she had to come off as bright, energetic and sensuous.

So often, I would watch my friend develop an appointment over several contacts -- maybe even over several days -- and get herself all prepared to go, just to have the client cancel at the last second.  I was amazed at how often this occurred.

The screening process was another fascinating area.  The dangers out there are sobering; law enforcement and disease, of course.  But the possibility of walking into a hotel room occupied by some psycho was always at the forefront.  My friend had become pretty good at her screening techniques.  But there were a number of nights she'd come home visibly shaken and I would just hold her and let her sob.

We hobbyists have to remember that our providers are first and foremost people.  Most are women who are vulnerable and sensitive.  They have the same dreams, hopes and fears as do most people.  They love.  They cry.  They laugh and they hurt.  They need affection and belonging as much as any of us.  They've chosen a vocation in which there can be a great deal of emotional exposure, but in which they must remain detached and professional.  They know if they falter in this detachment, they risk terrible pain.

So guys, when you deal with a provider, be a gentleman.  More importantly, be a gentle man.  Be patient with the screening and don't take things personally.  

Be on time.  Don't make an appointment unless you're as sure as you can be that you're going to keep it.  And if you can't keep your appointment, let the provider know as quickly as possible.  

Within reason, do what you can to make the provider feel appreciated and special.  Yes, you're the customer, but some kind words and some simple courtesy can have no effect but to make your time more enjoyable.

Do your research.  Be certain the provider you've chosen is willing to carry on the activities you have in mind.  Be sure of the provider's rules and stay within those guidelines.  Be clear on the amount of the donation and how the provider would like it handled.

As difficult as this may be, remember the emotions you're feeling are biological in nature -- they're not love.  Don't fall into the trap of becoming fixated on a provider; it scares them and makes you miserable.  This is supposed to be fun -- that's why they call it a hobby.  If it gets out of hand, lives can be ruined.

Have the good form to avoid speaking about sex or asking explicit questions when you're setting things up with a provider.  Instead, use resources like TER's reviews and discussion boards to determine what to expect.

As you venture out into this most enjoyable of hobbies, keep these observations in mind and everyone will have a good time.



-- Modified on 11/4/2004 1:30:06 AM

-- Modified on 11/4/2004 1:30:31 AM

-- Modified on 11/4/2004 1:30:50 AM