I have my first date with a provider coming up and I am nervous. I have a SO and I can't help but feel guilty. She just doesn't have the same level of sex drive that I do. I don't want to hurt her but I also don't want to deprive myself of the pleasures of life. Everything is set, I just hope that I don't cancel out on this fine lady.
anywords of advice?

You've already crossed the line by making the date.

Dude, have you told your S.O. about how you're feeling?

If not, then why not?

If she is your SO, you should be able to communicate with her.  If you can't, why not?

AND... why are you with a woman who doesn't have the same sex drive as you?   Sex isn't everything, but it's A LOT and as a healthy man, chances are you want sex so you should be with a woman who wants it just as often as you.  

Is she a GF or a wife?

You say you don't want to hurt her... what about YOU!!   Just like you said, you have desires, you have needs.  If she's not able to or willing to satisfy them why are you with her?  Why would you want to be tied down to a woman who can't give you the sex that you want/need?  

-- Love?  If you love her then you should love the fact that she doesn't have the same sex drive as you.  But you don't.  So love is not the reason you're staying with her.  Look deep down inside and ask yourself "Am I afraid of being alone?"  "Am I afraid that I'll never find another woman who'll want me?"  If the answer is yes, then YOU have a problem.  Lets face it, you're going to cheat on her.  And if you're feeling guilty about it chances are you're eventually going to get caught or you'll end up confessing to her and what will that do?  Yep, it'll hurt her.  But it will hurt her more because you lied to her instead of being a man and saying to her point blank - "I'm concerened about our relationship becuase we don't have sex enough and I want to know why you don't want to have sex as much as me"  Maybe you'll find out that it's not her sex drive, maybe your breath is bad, or your feet stink or you put on a few extra pounds and she dosn't want to see you naked, or that you suck in bed (it's possible).  If it is you, and if you do "love" her, make the changes and enjoy her appreciation.

If she's your wife, this can be hard because a divorce sucks.  But if you get caught - you're in breech of contract and the divorce is going to be even worse for you.  

If she's just a GF or a fiance, then get to the bottom of it.  Find out what she's thinking and what her interest in sex is.  Because this is probably the best that sex with her will be.   Studies show that most (not all) married people have sex less frequently as time goes on.   So if she's to laid back for you now, imagine what it's going to be 3, 6, 10 years from now.  

If she says she doesn't really care about sex that much, then do the right thing and dump her.  Save up your money and go nuts, get two providers at once, see one for 2 hours or overnight, pay off your credit card debt, buy some new clothes, invest money...   Or shop around for another girl who's more compatiable with you.

You're a MAN god damn it.  So don't be afraid to fucking act like one.  Take control of your life.  Who fucking cares if you lose her... Use providers who'll take care of your physical needs until you can find another woman to be your gf.  

I don't want to hear you complain either.  There are tons of nice guys out there that can't even get a girl to spit on them unless they offer to pay them.  Man up and handle your business.   Good luck to you.

-- Modified on 6/25/2003 6:15:44 PM

What ever you do DON'T cancel.(It's unfair to your provider & bad Karma on you). I do understand the guilt you're feeling. However; Taking care of YOUR needs in this fashion is the best and most ethical way to approach this common problem of High vs low sex drive. Enjoy your appointed session, taste the sweetness of your provider and of this hobby. As time rolls along you may come to an agreement with your SO to better see to your needs or you may come to an impasse and elect to continue the hobby. There are many reasons why we hobby nipplelicker, your's is one of the most common.

 Good luck, be safe & ENJOY!!

   YKSY.

that was a great post!

I am in the same boat...sort of...my first session is this weekend.  I am also nervous.  However, I don't have SO, in fact, I decided to partake of The Hobby because a very dear friend has told me SO status is not in the cards.  If you are going to cheat on your woman just because of differences in sex drive, I have questions as to wether she is really your SO (ie someone who has faults, but you love them anyway).  Breeder is right in that you should have discussed your differences before even making the appointment. Now that you have, enjoy your provider, and enjoy your friendship because it will never be the same.

Breeder, I understand where you are coming from but some things aren't as cut and dry as you might think. First of all let me say that the SO in question is my wife. We have been together for about 11 years 6 of those years as man & wife. When we lived together she was all into sex and trying new things but over the years she has changed and has become more conserative in her views about sex. She thinks that I am horny 24/7 and always ready for some action. Anyway everything else about our relationship is pretty good, not perfect, but good. There are also some kids in the picture. I have addressed the issue of sex with her and she says she understands and knows that she is at fault for the lack of intimacy between us. Things get better for awhile but then back to the same old routine. I get tired of bringing up the issue. Secondly she states that it has nothing to do with me. I keep my self in shape and take care of my mental and physical health. She says she is still attracted to me and underestands my frustrations.
I am at the point where I just want to have some mind boggling sex with no strings attached, but I am not ready to end my marriage either.
I thought seeing a provider would be the lesser of 2 evils, having an affair or just paying for sex any nothing more.
I know they both are cheating, but fuck what am I suppose to do?

Dude,  If you can stay in the moment and focus on the amazing experience with your new friend, quilt will be the furthest from your mind.  However, make sure you have picked the right provider for your needs, otherwise it is hard (difficult) to stay in the moment and your mind may wander back to the cheating aspect.  The right provider is KEY.  If you have trouble staying in the monent, I recommend spending the money on a couples counselor who specializes in sexual issues.  If you can compartmentalize and stay in the moment--it is so great!  Just stay really safe.  That is a horrible way to get caught.

Ok nipplelicker, thanks for the important information.

Yes, you are in a tough spot since she is your wife (S.O. can mean many many things you know).

Just know if you get caught, you lose a lot more from a divorce.  More money, the trust and respect from you kids.

If you just get a divorce, you're going to have some anger coming toward you but at least you won't be in breech of contract.  You'll be able to get the sex that you need/want without guilt.

What should you do?  I'm gonna shut up and say I don't know.  I hope that you model out all the circmstances first before you make a decision.  You're in a bad position.  Good luck.

This is the truth.  I wish someone had sat me down and told me this along time ago.  If you can't discuss what's really going on in a relationship, then why be in it?

I can understand the situation, as I ended up with a provider based on my friend's suggestion during the engagement and I broke things off because of sex.  My first experience was OK as my friend took me to a good AMP, but I couldn't enjoy the session because I had too much guilt and it was too much of a process (take shower->get massage->fuck).  I wondered around for a while, but ended up calling a sex ad on a paper couple of times when my ex went out on a town and landed a horrible providers who just wanted money.  This is the reason why I ended up on TER and TBD, and found a gal who people said was the best GFE in the life time.  I made an appointment and I felt awkward.  I remember telling her I felt guilty, and she said "Maybe you have a nice steak at home, but sometimes you want a chicken.  It's OK.", she gently and passionately kissed me, and game me my first BBBJ.  From there on, I was hooked.

Eventually, my ex and I broke off as I was finding it easier to get sex from the provider, rather then waiting for her.  Now it depends how often you are talking about buy sex in that relationship was down to once or twice a week, when I started, but I ended up finding good providers with passionate sex that kept me going for a month at a time.  Eventually my sex with ex died down, and it was over.

Was it all for the better?  I don't know about that.  I do believe that ignorance is truly a bliss and that sometimes it's better not to know.  But you should really think about what you are getting.  If your wife provides you a BBBJ, and good hour or two of sex several times a week, I think it's not all that bad.  But if it's become a routine of no oral, and her lieing down on her back waiting for you to finish, then I feel for you.  (Mine wasn't that bad, but it was just not as often as I wanted, and I felt like she was dangling the carrot like "See, I'm doing you a favor.")  We all have to remember that women who love sex is a rare thing.  And with the equal rights and screwed up career gal mentality, many women have no desire to please their man's needs.

If you get a good provider, you will certainly be hooked.  Any man, who can say no to a beautiful girl willing to do your sexual bids, has problems.  If you feel that this is something you can enjoy once a month or so, and feel that it will satisfy your needs, then be it.  But if you are the kind who had difficult time kicking habbits like smoking, drinking, or walking away from the black jack table at a casino, then as a friend, I suggest you think very carefully at what you are getting yourself into.  Some of these women are indeed GFE.  You may go home, and see your wife in a different light as she lies on her back and asks you when you'll finish, and you remember that tight 24 year old bending over gladly for a round of anal, and cleaning you up afterwards with her tongue.

The other choice is to associate a location away from your home, if it's possible, and do boy's night out.  That way, the temptation is not right at your fingertips, and you can find certain times to do it.  Across the border in Canada cities of Victoria, Toronto, and Montreal has very reasonably priced providers.

Think carefully about this one.  But if you do decide to do it.  Get a nice provider and she'll walk you through it.  One thing I recommend is to treat the provider with respect, and you will go far. (Take a shower before, brush your teeth, and be gentle with her.)  She will be more relaxed, and you will get more milage out of her.

I have been in the hobby for many years(in fact,my 1st time was with a provider when I was 17)I have been married for 19 years, and have seen proivders througout my marriage. Overall i have a good marriage, but my wife is just not into sex. in some years months go by without it.So I seek professionals. I think that this hobby is a great way for men to satisfy thier needs, and have variety in partners...someting I love.

"And with the equal rights and screwed up career gal mentality, many women have no desire to please their man's needs."

sheesh. good thing you're not married. Remember those providers are "career gals" and certainly deserve "equal rights".   ;>

I assume your wife does not have some physical problem that stops her from being sexual.  Being in a similar boat, I would suggest several things.

-  Get two copies of a book -- Passionate Marriage -- and give one to your wife.  It will help you both understand what is going on and it will help you see what is wrong with you for not dealing with it.  BTW, I have no connection with the book and am only recommending it as a reader.  One of the PRIME assumptions of the book is that nobody is going to make your wife more sexual other than your wife.  She is going to have to figure it out for herself.  Real femanism has some responsibilities as well as rights.  Real masculinity requires YOU to be responsible for meeting the needs of your own sexuality.

- See a marriage / sex therapist.  The couple who wrote the book do therapy and train other therapists.

-  See providers.  Other suggestions about appropriate providers here are right on.  Get the sex (which is your birthright as a human being) from the provider and enjoy the pleasure it will bring.  A provider is the best option from a series of difficult choices.

-  Figure out what you should do from there.

Good Luck...Harry

After 17 years devotion to my wife I saw a provider. It was one of the most wonderful things I ever did. Your feelings count and if you want sex then go for it. I kepp fit and look good. My wife does the same but she has lost for sex drive and passion. What wife would tell her husband to talk to the hand! I got tired of her saying this. I started searching the interet and going to AMPs. I told her about the AMPs. She wanted to know and tried to mimic there actions.

Now I plan to use providers and maintian the best relationship with my wife. Recommend a GFE experince. Enjoy it and afterwords decide.

For some reason my wife is good at reading me. After seeing the provider and going to AMPS, she knows she needs to be more passioante. She has been hot for me again.

It still will not stop me now because these flings will keep her guessing and wnating my attention.

good luck

I appreciate all of the advice and words of wisdom about my particular situation. Unfortunatley I still feel this nagging sense of guilt. My wife and I just spent a great weekend together, it didn't include sex but we really enjoyed each other's company. Just hanging out, we were on a vacation and had alot of fun. I wish that we would have had sex but I am at the point of hey forget it, I am tired of bringing up the issue.
I am getting worried that I am losing my sexual attraction to my wife. Our kids are still young 2 & 5 years old and I don't want to be a weekend Dad, I don't want to fuck up my marriage either. I really just want sex. My wife says that she will work on her problem and is ageeing to seek some professional help. The problem is that I want to fulfill some of my fantises which inclued alot of variety. I see this woman on the street and I can't help but imagine what it would be like to get them  in bed. The provider that I am seeing is a big breasted curvy woman, I am so into big beautiful tits. I am worried that I am opening a door that I won't be able to close. I am one of those guys that thinks if it feels good do it again... and again...and again. I think that even if I was getting the sex that I wanted from my SO I would still be craving that variety of woman. My wife is rather slender but very attractive. Fuck I just don't know what to do.
Another thing that worries me is that how will I look at my wife right after the date, will she notice something different in me? I really want this to happen but I am troubled

One question for everyone...why is it that men will feel guilty when having an affair and women don't. I know 4 women who ae screwing around on their hubbies and they are really nice guys and he women don't seem to have a guilt complex...no woman would.So maybe variety is tastey to the female and what we think is a near celibate person is really a nymph on the backside, I say go for it because this is a problem most men have to endure in a realtionship , shoot they even make jokes about it. Just deem your provider as the sexual surragot(sp) and the wife will appreciate as much as you . the guilt  will pass believe me it will fade away