“If I never asked a provider I've seen if I can use her as a reference, wouldn't it be sort of uncool to give out her name as someone who can vouch for me.”

Prior notification of a provider may be nice thing to do but I don’t think it is expected or would be consider uncool if you did not do so.  However theses ladies see many Gents and sadly to admit we start to blend together into their memory over time.  Prior notification may help jolt her memory as to who you are and help her give you a recommendation. Nevertheless, I suspect, no prior notification is the norm.

“Also, why would a provider feel good to know that a customer's only return interest is for help in getting established with someone else?”

Only a provider can answer this question. I suspect most ladies realized that sharing of reference information is an aspect of this business that is of mutual benefit for all.

the first provider asked you for references & contacted them before she saw you. Now, she should act as a reference when contacted.

Many times if you just provide the names of 2-3 other providers you've seen in a familiar way then the provider won't even bother contacting them.

Just ask a provider politely if you may use them as a reference.

-- Modified on 6/21/2005 4:15:22 PM

I've dabbled in the hobby for a number of years, but only recently on a regular basis, so refernces have been tough at times.

Recently when I was preparing to go on vacation, and found that a reference would be required, I contacted a provider  I had seen twice last year.  In my e-mail, I provided some details of our visits (approx. when, where, notable gifts and conversation), to remind her who I am.  In this case, she had no problem remembering me and agreed to provide my reference.

After a very enjoyable trip, I made sure to contact her again to thank her for the help in my time of need.