I recently had the worst experience and wanted to talk about it.  We were in bed and the guy asked for bbfs.  I said no and he kept on asking, being really pushy. He was on top of me and I had one leg in front of his thigh. I was looking in his eyes and I wondered if he was going to put it in anyway, and would this be the day I had to call the cops. But he didn't, the moment passed. I did bbbj and then he started up again asking for bbfs. He even asked for bb Greek!  I said no and told him to stop talking about it, it was making me mad. Finally I told him if he brought it up again I was leaving.  He kept on and I said you've got 10 minutes to finish and I'm going. So he finished himself with an hj on my face (so humiliating).  

Afterwards was the first time I had taken a shower because I really wanted to wipe everything that had just happened off my body. I've only been doing this for a month and up till now it's been great. It's been like real dates with kissing, talking, great sex. Everyone keeps asking if I've had a bad experience yet and I guess I have now.  

So anyway, I don't really know what my question is, I just wanted to talk about it with someone and none of my hobby friends are awake.

...Good for you for sticking to your guns.  How well did you screen him?  Did you check with other providers?  They may have told you he's the type of guy who asks for BBFS.

get a heads up when he contacts them. IMHO, he is an exception rather then the rule of the hobbyist here. Don't let it bother you too much and keep on hobbying

this is only your worst experience so far.  And I truly hope this is the worst that ever happens to you.  But obviously, far worse things CAN happen.

The most important mantra to always always always keep repeating to yourself is this, "Stay in control."

As soon as a guy gets pushy, you need to get out from under the guy!  Do not remain in what could be a very physically vulnerable position.  

Do not ever let someone give you a facial if you don't want them to do it.  Or allow anything you don't WANT to do.
Set your boundaries and stick to them, or you may find yourself getting depressed, angry, or losing your self-respect.

Do not allow yourself to feel humiliated, ever... unless, of course, you're into that.... but it sounds like you're not.  

 

I've been in this game for a very long time.... and yes, occasionally someone will ask for BBFS and even be a jerk about it.  Hell, I just got asked for it yesterday.  I feel no need to either be nice or super-militant about it.    
In this instance when I reached for a cover he whined, "do we really need that?".  My response, "yes".  
And that was it.  

If I'm coming off harsh, that is not my intent.  I'm here to provide whatever help I can, and if you just need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out.  Email, PM or text me anytime!  

 
xoxoxoxoxox

When he pushed you to the point of feeling unsafe you would have been well within your rights to leave as quickly as you safely could have. Leave him to jack all over himself as you hit the door. Never do anything that leaves you feeling humiliated, your safety and self respect are far more important than any amount of cash.

This shit pisses me off and I am sorry you had to go through this Emma. It's easier said then done to stand up to a dude when you are all alone in a hotel room.

You did want you needed to do at the time, maybe for self preservation reasons, maybe because you didn't want to hurt his feelings, maybe to give great customer service, etc.

In the future, imo, don't allow people to pressure you. I think you made a wise decision unburdening yourself by sharing this, if only to get it off your chest.

Be safe.

you learned how to never put up with some bulls!t like this again very quickly! it will definitely toughen you up.

i have a rule.. someone asks me something once and i say no.. they have one more chance.. i will say, "You already asked that and i said no.. if you ask a third time i am going to ask you to leave."

only once did a guy ask for bbfs three times. i left. on the way out he said, "i was only joking" i said, "well i wasn't."

i don't have time for jokes and games. I'm not here to be who you want me to be. i accurately portray who i am and you are welcome to come join me for some fun.  

this guy totally took advantage of you.

feel free to pm ladies who have been around for a while with how to handle this. some info where you can find out things like this and also share things like this to help keep the community safe.

go spoil yourself with something nice and hopefully tomorrow and every day will be a better day for you.
x

I ask for things ONE time. Many here aren't crazy that I negotitate rates. Ok, that's their opinion. But when I do it, I don't harass anyone or pressure anyone. If they don't get back to me, I assume their answer is no. If they actually say no, or they don't negotiate, I never contact them again.

Same thing with a girls menu. I'll ask a girl to do X or Y, but I never ask twice. If she says, "Gee, I am not sure I feel comfortable with that request, Jack" I don't take that as if she is really contemplating my request, I take it as a no.

It's funny, one of my regular threesome partners now, originally balked at the proposal. I told her no worries. On one of our one on one sessions months later, she told me she wanted to try it, as she was bi curious but had never been with a woman.

Well, it was super hot when she told me and hotter when she did her first threesome, and first lesbian experience with me. But it was great for her because she said I never mentioned it to her again. SHE broached the subject, when SHE was ready.

It's one thing to try and cajole a civie girl friend who trusts you into trying something new,  within reason, but it's quite something different to apply any pressure to a p4p gal. Just no need, extremely unprofessional, and can be upsetting and disturbing as seen by the OP in this thread.

Because at the end of the day you should not accommodate unsafe and stupid requests such as this one or anything humiliating period. This is about comfort, pleasure and safety! Never forget that.

Please do not get discouraged, there are tons of wonderful men out there who are gentlemen and will do everything in their power to make you feel comfortable and happy.

Sending you a hug xoxo

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Hi Emma.  If we're a provider in that situation I would have offered to finish him with the BBBJ . If he didn't accept  that, then the date is over. PERIOD.  NO means NO.  What part of "no" don't people get? If the guy persisted he would have been kicked out ( I know that can be easier said than done).  I would definitely out him on the provider page!

D.

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In the beginning, before my first client, I made a decision. I need to toughen up immediately. Change my mindset quickly and be somewhat in an acting role when I need to defend myself.

I don't know how I did this, because I used to be extremely passive before that first date. I was very inexpensive, only on back page, and unknowingly was working for a pimp, not an agency.  

I got out of that in two weeks when I figured it out, but one of the requirements to work for that agency was "little to no experience." Lol.  

I generally had great clients, but one thing I learned was if you're scared and need to leave, give them ALL of their money back, and tell them you're about to shit all over everything with incontrollable diarrhea. It works every time.

They also can't review you if you don't have a full paid date with them.

Some girls have told me, "oh no, I would have kept the money and left." But I don't agree with that. No money is worth an already out of control guy getting angry about feeling ripped off.

Better to keep your heart and soul in tact. This is not normal, and if it ever happens again, telling them you have the shits works every time. Lol!

Nowadays I try to avoid sociopathic type guys. If you read up on behaviors of narcissistic and sociopathic behaviors, you may be able to weed out the arrogant, boundary ass holes within the first sentence in an email. Again, most guys are super gentle and sweet. But it's up to you to keep yourself in tact when the off ball shows up.

Be your own mother bear. Protect yourself as if you were your own daughter. That's what I did.

and hoping you'll let others know about this disgusting excuse for a person...you deserved so much better.  Please don't let this incident get to you to the point of disillusionment...and DO be careful out there!  Wishing you the very best...

have the cover ready.  My Favs are very good at applying the cover in an erotic way.  Yes, it's necessary.   Gals usually structure the events subtilely so everything goes smoothly...  (like a hidden clock they glance at (I never caught her looking at it but I eventually realized she had a travel clock that was always in the room we played it), or music tracks, or just a good sense of time.  
I agree, if he's making you uncomfortable, you need to get into a control position, not the bottom

TER doesn't allow reviews for NCNS but if there actually is a meeting (he's there and they do meet, talk, whatever) then it can be reviewed regardless of whether a session took place paid or not. It doesn't matter who called it off or why.

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Thank you for this advice.  I've been keeping the condoms either on the nightstand or in the drawer.  I have lots of different brands.  Unfortunately I'm nowhere near making it an erotic thing - I admire the providers who can do this! - but hopefully I'll get there.

This guy, his first line was "I'm allergic to latex" and I said fine, I have Skyn brand, they're polyurethane.  Then he said he'd had a bad experience, and he couldn't use them, and then he just kept on and on.  

Luckily my next appointment was with a wonderful man who was very warm, very soothing and so kind.  He appreciated everything I offer without pushing for more and it made me feel a lot better about hobbying in general after the bad experience.

Also, thank you to everyone who replied.  I'm glad to know this is not normal behavior!

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You'll learn over time how to stay in control like Debbie is saying.

She's right about what she's saying and she's not being critical.  It's just that you're new and you haven't had a chance to really think about how you'll handle situations like this.

Please learn to screen the guys.  When I finally started screening, all I really did was eliminate my 50% no show rate!  I let a bunch of clients go, but they were the guys who weren't showing up anyways.  Really.

I probably would have said as soon as I realized he was getting pushy, "If you ask again I'm going to end the session".

Another secret I've learned from having to end three sessions in the last six years or so is to have someone on the phone with me before I do it.  I excuse myself BEFORE I actually end the session, text the contact info to someone I know (my assistant preferably, or anyone I can think of who you can call in this situation), then put them on speaker phone.  If you do have to end the session, you can tell the client that your assistant has all of their info and you are ending the session.  You are not giving any refund and your assistant will be staying on the phone with you until he is gone.

Of course if you feel some refund is in order then you should do that.  I think one time I gave a partial refund and the other two times I did not.

In case you're curious, one person bit me too hard  on my shoulder, one pinched my nipple too hard, and the third one I didn't care for how he talked to me...and I love all kinds of naughty talk.  It was worse than that.  All three times it was bad enough that I knew I couldn't continue because I was too pissed.

I hope this helps

...TER has no idea whether money actually changed hands when a review is submitted. The boyfriend thing is one of the reasons TER may hold a review of a newbie provider written by a newbie reviewer. The reviewer could be her boyfriend (or pimp) shilling for her to get her off to a good start.

Giving the money back is the best idea to wash your hands of as much as you can and gtf out of there, of course!!

He wants to convince you BUT it's not a discussion.  Your body, Your rules.  ALL clients with half a brain know this & respect it.  
 
If his insistance has crossed the line where you are not comfortable...  End the session.  You deserve at least some compensation so my first offer would be to refund half "for unused time".  If necessary do a total refund to get him to leave.  Your safety is the ONLY priority.
   
If it has not gotten too agressive...  yet...  give him a choice...  to end as above or offer to finish the session with a BJ or his choice of cover for FS.   Insist that everything stays within your rules.  

Applying the cover with her mouth IS very erotic & I have occasionally not known she had done it...  until I checked...   Getting him good & wet before applying the cover makes it feel better to me.  Another option is Female Condoms which cost slightly more but feel almost like BB...  but you need to learn how to insert them smoothly & properly.