I'm new myself, so I don't know if I should be giving advice. But from what I've read, it is not a good idea to start a discussion with providers about sex. And you are bringing up sex, even though it is brought up in a little different way.
Also, I can see why it would be very disappointing to plunk down your money and worry whether you will enjoy it, and what she will think. But maybe you could try getting your feet wet with someone who does massage and escort. Get used to being with her for just a massage, and without all that pressure. And if you are not responding enough during the massage, just tell her the truth. Tell her you are a widower and having trouble adjusting. I think she might actually appreciate knowing this, and it might make things even easier with her the next time.
BTW, I've seen ads for sex surrogates on That Mall. And they are supposed to specialize in this kind of situation. But I cannot vouch for any of them, and I don't know if they get reviewed.
I was widowed a few years ago and my wife was also sick for many years so basically I haven't been with a woman for about 7 years. I have therefore become quite desirous of entering this hobby.
My problem is that I have a sexual hangup of some sort and am not able to perform with my manly member. It's probably a mental hangup and I probably need therapy but I'm not going to spend the money because frankly I'm not all that uncomfortable with it any more and I enjoy the way I do perform. It worked quite well with me and my wife.
I've contacted 3 providers now about dates and when I bring this up in an email I get no response. I'm left to wonder if it's because they think I'm creepy or is it not kosher to discuss these things in emails (I suspect both actually). I tried asking one lady which it was and she wouldn't tell me.
So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. I could just make a date I suppose but my level of "performance anxiety" would be so great I don't think I could possibly enjoy it. I see the potential for a very frustrating experience. I suppose I may have to just risk that to find what I am looking for but I'm not sure I want to do that yet.
Whether physical or mental, there is bound to be someone in your area that can deal with your "problem". It's good that you're up front about it and I think you should continue to do so. Since the ladies are only compensated for their time, your performance shouldn't be an issue. Find someone you're comfortable with and get to know her over time. Sometimes the intimacy with someone is worth the price of admission. It may cost a few bucks but in the end the familiarity with her may pay big dividends.
I concur with Maximus' statement that there is probably a professional therapist who could help you with your issue. It's your call if you seek one out. I'd recommend someone who is a licensed therapist with a certification as a sex therapist. You can shop around via the yellow pages or do a key word search on the Net. If your insured, your insurance company has a list of providers in your area who are certified within the insurance company's strict guidelines to provide treatment. (Since they are helping with the payment for each session, they want to make sure the therapist is qualified to treat the disorder. That's if your covered for that treatment in your policy and if your willing to talk to your insurance company about your problem).
Some of the other folks on this thread recommend getting comfortable with a provider, which may reduce your anxiety. While this may be somewhat helpful, it may result in further frustration on your part. Examples: (1. Who would be a good provider/match for me? Searching unknowns can be equally anxiety producing, and 2. The disorder may continue to plague you even after a good match is made in your opinion, which adds to the frustration). Which may lead you to seek professional help.
So, to avoid the insurance/therapist route, how about some hobbyists recommending a provider (or providers reading this taking this man as a client?) Would be very interested in knowing if he is succesful in his quest and acknowledge his bravery in seeking help. (And to those who provided the feedback, nice work in helping him out in an understanding and mature manner).
I'm new myself, so I don't know if I should be giving advice. But from what I've read, it is not a good idea to start a discussion with providers about sex. And you are bringing up sex, even though it is brought up in a little different way.
Also, I can see why it would be very disappointing to plunk down your money and worry whether you will enjoy it, and what she will think. But maybe you could try getting your feet wet with someone who does massage and escort. Get used to being with her for just a massage, and without all that pressure. And if you are not responding enough during the massage, just tell her the truth. Tell her you are a widower and having trouble adjusting. I think she might actually appreciate knowing this, and it might make things even easier with her the next time.
BTW, I've seen ads for sex surrogates on That Mall. And they are supposed to specialize in this kind of situation. But I cannot vouch for any of them, and I don't know if they get reviewed.
I am sure that there are many ladies that would be more than willing to help you with their problem.
Please remember that you are sharing her time and companionship.
I am sure if you talked with them after your initial contact they would greatly be of assistance.
My bet...you will hane NO PROBLEMS.
You're definitely right about the silent treatment. I just wondered about the cause of it. One lady did respond and I think she was hinting to me it was just an LE problem. I guess I shall just have to DO IT.
The providers that I am familiar with, myself included, would be very empathetic about your difficulty. To be perfectly honest, it's something that comes up (no pun intended) often in our line of work. Your provider is not there to judge you, she won't make fun. She is there to make you feel comfortable and make sure you have a good time. There is often more to an intimate encounter the the client's ability to perform.
I can speak only for myself when I say, some of my favorite sessions have been with clients who have difficulty performing. It means you can get a little more creative! Go forth and experiment. At worst, you will have a relaxing massage and the chance to be close and touched by a woman who has your best interests at heart...at best, well, you may surprise yourself! Octavia Sunset.
I am new to TER but have been around the block somewhat as a hobbyist. The suggestion that you find a trained sex therapist is the way that you should start dealing with the problem that you think you have. BUT, if you insist upon seeing a provider first probaly the best thing to do is find an experienced provider (30+ in age) who has very good review ratings for performance. Younger providers will not fill the bill, unless they are very special and very mature. In a mature provider, you are more likely to find a good listener, probaly someone who is very good at giving massages, and a person who can light your candle on both ends if you do get into the mood to get frisky.
As several responders pointed out, do not bring up the subject of anything sexual when sending a provider email, that person has absolutely no idea of what you do for a living and what you are trying to accomplish by bringing up the issue of a sexual performance problem to her.
Hi, I'm new to this board so I am just now reading your posting. I have to agree about finding someone mature or older. Since she most likely knows more older than younger men. I once heard that 90% of sexual function is between the ears. The more we worry or think it might happen the more it does. If you are in my area I would be happy to just meet you.