Primer on Understanding/Interpreting Provider Ads . Many have asked this be added to the Newbie Manual

This Provider ad Primer is pretty damn accurate! Beware the following  euphemisms.  Enjoy!


BBW = fat
Voluptuous = fat
Curvy = fat
Curvaceous = fat
Thick = fat
Rubenesque = fat
Womanly = fat
Full Figured = fat with big tits
Gives bra size only? = fat
Busty = either saggy or fat
Naturally busty = saggy and fat
Real woman = saggy, fat and ugly

Slim = no boobs/flat
Svelte = no boobs/flat
Slender = no boobs/flat
Dancer's body = no boobs/flat

Bombshell = fake boobs
Baywatch = fake boobs
Playboy = fake boobs
Model = fake boobs
Barbie = fake tits

Brazilian = black
Caramel = black
Chocolate = black
Cuban = black
Ebony = black
Egyptian = black
Ethiopian = black
Exotic = black
Hawaiian = black
Mocha = black
Mulatto = black
Nubian = black
Mixed = black
Native American = black

Mature = old
Courtesan = old
Gracious = old
Refined = old
Elegant = old
Classic = old
Legend/Legendary = old
No age listed = old

Educated = graduated High School
Cultured = drinks wine, not beer

Age = generally add 7-10 years, here are some frequent exceptions:
College Student = late 20's
Just turned 18 = mid 20's
19 = possible jailbait
21 = late 20's
28 = late 30's
30 = 40s
MILF = 45 and up!

Intelligent = brunette
Sorority Girl = blonde
Selective = overpriced
Exclusive = very overpriced
Classy = can't afford lingerie
Freaky = doesn't shower between clients
Upscale =  over priced w/ snooty personality
All American = trailer trash
Princess = has an attitude problem & LOTS of rules
Las Vegas = Bellagio prices, Motel 6 service
coed = plain looking with acne problem
girl next door = looks like the boy next door
Goddess = If you believe this is me in the pictures...
Real Doll = Bubba brings you an inflatable doll, no refunds
Energetic = methamphetamine addict
Down to earth = boring
College graduate = sleeps with professors
open minded = openly accepts tips

New to business = changed name
New to area = changed name and moved across town

Up to an hour = 1 shot and she's gone.
Discreet = I check your ID
Discrete = I can't spell
Advance notice required = you'll never get a hold of me
Seeks generous gentleman = robs the elderly
Seeks generous businessmen = robs out-of-towners
Once in a lifetime experience = you won't repeat
I love what I do = I'm desperate for clients.
Satisfaction guaranteed = I guarantee I'm getting your money
Available 24/7 = my pimp never sleeps

What an ad DOESN'T say, is also a source of information. Unless specified, you can assume:
hair color = brown
hair length = to shoulder
eye color = brown
age = mature
height = short
weight = heavy
cup size = small
measurements = large

BE FOREWARNED!!

the girls will just love your snorky alias ass..

No anger just sadness. The the most elusive aspect of this business is respect. To have one's nationality, ethnicity, education, body type, hair color, personality - in short every characteristic of one's being, reduced to a buffoonish caricature, proves just how elusive respect can be. I am proud of my Punjabi heritage, my disciplined attention to fitness, my academic achievements and, yes, the quality of service I provide. So I find it hard to put a positive spin on being called a Black money grubbing slut. Such  de-humanizing humor is more perfidy than persiflage.

I wrote an "English to Internet Dating" interpretation booklet some years back, a lot of your definitions were in there - a few that weren't:

"I went through a rough patch, but I'm better now" = I got out of the locked ward last Tuesday
"I have a busy life" = I'm seeing my psychiatrist Monday through Friday from 9am to 5pm
"I work well with others" = I'm seeing a whole team of psychiatrists
"I went through a bad break-up" = My psychiatrist took out a restraining order on me

"I'm looking for someone who is financially stable" = because I'm not
"Chemistry is much more important than looks" = when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother
"I'm a homebody" = I haven't left my trailer in seven years, thank god for cable and pizza delivery
"I need to lose a few pounds" = I need to lose a few pounds to squeeze out my front door.

as well as other hobbyist sites and even personal ad sites. however it does not belong in the "newbie manual."

funny but untrue.... you must have had bad experiences.....

That if this is how the average hobbyist views the ladies that provide services to them that the women in their lives, for what ever reason, refuse to provide, it truly is a sad day. If they show this much disrespect, then they should not be shocked when the ladies afford them the  same subterranean level of respect in return.

Sometimes such "humor" is a thinly disguised insult with the express intent to hurt.

Are you sure you're not blonde?

Here's the actual link to your Ad

http://www.eros-minn.com/files/296357.htm