Those of you who know me from these boards know that I've seen a number of providers and have formed lasting friendships with some of these ladies. One of the dearest of these friends fell on hard times around October of 2003, so I offered her the use of my spare bedroom and pretty much the run of my house. In February, my friend got back on her feet and was able to move into her own place. She and I are still very close and remain in contact.
While my friend lived with me, she continued to operate as a provider, and as such, gave me the opportunity to see things from a whole new perspective. I thought my observations and insights might be appropriate here on the Newbie Board, because having an appreciation of what's happening on the other end of the phone or internet connection may help some hobbyists be more understanding and patient. This can only lead to smoother and happier relationships with our providers, resulting in a win/win situation.
I had no idea of the effort a good provider puts forth in securing an appointment and providing the quality of service we hobbyists desire. Many of these efforts are obvious; the hair, the make-up, the clothes and so on. But what's not readily apparent is the ratio of contacts to actual appointments. The amount of work involved is easily equivalent to a full-time job.
The number of dead-end calls is staggering. Many are from guys who just enjoy the thrill of speaking to a provider, with no real intent of using her services. It was normal for my friend to spend several hours a day with multiple IM sessions open (some with a web cam, so she had to look her best) carrying on simultaneous conversations. All the while, each phone call and IM message had to be treated as a potential client. No matter how tired my friend was, or how poorly she may have felt, when she was on the phone or on-line, she had to come off as bright, energetic and sensuous.
So often, I would watch my friend develop an appointment over several contacts -- maybe even over several days -- and get herself all prepared to go, just to have the client cancel at the last second. I was amazed at how often this occurred.
The screening process was another fascinating area. The dangers out there are sobering; law enforcement and disease, of course. But the possibility of walking into a hotel room occupied by some psycho was always at the forefront. My friend had become pretty good at her screening techniques. But there were a number of nights she'd come home visibly shaken and I would just hold her and let her sob.
We hobbyists have to remember that our providers are first and foremost people. Most are women who are vulnerable and sensitive. They have the same dreams, hopes and fears as do most people. They love. They cry. They laugh and they hurt. They need affection and belonging as much as any of us. They've chosen a vocation in which there can be a great deal of emotional exposure, but in which they must remain detached and professional. They know if they falter in this detachment, they risk terrible pain.
So guys, when you deal with a provider, be a gentleman. More importantly, be a gentle man. Be patient with the screening and don't take things personally.
Be on time. Don't make an appointment unless you're as sure as you can be that you're going to keep it. And if you can't keep your appointment, let the provider know as quickly as possible.
Within reason, do what you can to make the provider feel appreciated and special. Yes, you're the customer, but some kind words and some simple courtesy can have no effect but to make your time more enjoyable.
Do your research. Be certain the provider you've chosen is willing to carry on the activities you have in mind. Be sure of the provider's rules and stay within those guidelines. Be clear on the amount of the donation and how the provider would like it handled.
As difficult as this may be, remember the emotions you're feeling are biological in nature -- they're not love. Don't fall into the trap of becoming fixated on a provider; it scares them and makes you miserable. This is supposed to be fun -- that's why they call it a hobby. If it gets out of hand, lives can be ruined.
Have the good form to avoid speaking about sex or asking explicit questions when you're setting things up with a provider. Instead, use resources like TER's reviews and discussion boards to determine what to expect.
As you venture out into this most enjoyable of hobbies, keep these observations in mind and everyone will have a good time.
