You'll be fine and you are totally right to do your homework first. I joined TER in early October and went to school on the manual and this board, as well as reading reviews, saving some to favorites and learning the names and grading styles of reviewers. So armed, last night I sallied forth for the first time since 1993 and had a transcendant experience with an immediate ATF who put my seven years of earlier experience to shame. I do love the younger generation! You will, too, just take your time, get comfortable and, when you're ready, go play.
Thanks to all on this board who have helped with info and general wisdom.
I have been having issues finding reviewed providers in my area.. Well, today I found 2 that were available and willing to see me. On both occasions I backed out due to feeling guilty (I have a SO).. Is this normal for someone beginning in the hobby or is that my conscious telling me that the hobby isn't for me?
any at home, you need to enjoy all life has to offer while you can. Someday the equipment may stop working.
All married men (and even some single men) can face a moral dilemma in deciding whether or not P4P sex is for them.
My suggestion would be to take time and consider how you feel about this, and read things about it as well from various perspectives, including the chat on these boards.
You should also consider the financial impact of this hobby, and the fact that it can get very habit forming.
Should you decide to jump in the pool, do yourself a favor and read the Self-Help manual that is linked on this board, and practice the hobby safely from the perspective of staying out of trouble with LE, your SO and your health.
I'll tell you one thing that did the trick for me, and that's when I considered that life is very short, and you'll be dead for a very long time.
I haven't looked back since.
Best wishes to you no matter which way you go.
I very much agree, but would add the following. I hope no one is making an artificial distinction between the "moral dilemma" of having a plain ol' civvy affair and hobbying. Either one, if not done openly, deceives your SO. Each also has undeniable dollar costs. With a provider you pay for her time. With an affair you pay for hotel rooms, dinners, whatever. So to me it's all the same. I do understand feelings of guilt. I never strayed in any way during my first marriage, then I saw providers when we separated. I've been re-married for 11 years and only am back playing because my second wife and I have decided to have an open marriage, at least for a while. So no guilt for me. I know that may be of no help to the OP unless he can go to his SO and tell her this. That's the dynamite option that can lead to divorce at worst or a slap in the face at best. In the end, it all depends on need. How bad do you want it, bro? Speaking for myself, I need it bad and am really glad to be back.
You need to keep in mind that newbies climb a steep hill to get accepted as safe. Bailing on a lady is a really bad first step in lowering the resistance. I totally understand the apprehension, and yes most of us have been there. Still, work out the demons in your head before you waste another lady's time. Perhaps the hobby isn't for you and that's OK. Very few people will look down on you for not fucking around on your wife.
I would advise you to not cheat on your SO behind her back. Your lying will hurt your SO badly. I would recommend trying to fix what is wrong with your relationship with your SO that makes you feel like you need to P4P or end that relationship. I do think your guilt is your conscious telling you that the hobby isn't for you.
Now time for full discloser. I am married. My wife is a provider and when I found out about her returning to the hobby it nearly killed me. We now have a fairly open relationship and I hobby with my wife's blessing. I would not cheat on my wife and the lies my wife told were more hurtful than knowing she is screwing some other guy. Stay true to your SO, arrange an open relationship, or leave her is my advise. Take it or leave it.
Interesting twist to this. As you know if you read my post above, I'm in an open marriage where my wife knows I'll be seeing providers. She has mixed emotions (It hurts a bit but she also finds it hot. She loved the stories of my prowling before we met and I would love to bring her along sometime. We'll see). So tonight I went to see my first provider since I returned to the playing field. She was wonderful, amazing, and I'd review her but I know it wouldn't post (I'll ask about this in a separate post I'll start after this). The kicker is, she tells me she's married to a former client who's about my age! UnHoly fuck! I need to learn more about this from her. But I compeltely get the idea of a player (I will not use the H____ist Word, it's lame and I plan to post on that, too), marrying a provider (don't like that word much, either, but it'll do). To me there's nothing hotter, or more honest. So kudos to you, scoed!
I mostly "play" as strange as it sounds for my wife's benefit. There is nothing wrong in "playing" if you signal or like in our case your in an open relationship. I have made peace with my wife's choice to provide, but would happily go back to a closed relationship where I only play with my wife and she only plays with me if I could. It is not up to me. I am not much of a "player" as I don't hobby as much as my wife wishes I did or can afford to. I haven't booked a date in over a month. There are some serous draw backs to my open marriage. Good luck with yours.
Understood, scoed, and sorry if I implied you ought to be happy about it. Who knows how I'll feel if my wife starts screwing someone (which she' s entitled to do) and then falls in love with them. When we made our deal we both understood that could happen, too. Men (like me, I guess) can be simple fuck machines. It's what Natural Selection designed us to be. Women, on the other hand, are designed to be nurturers and tend to get emotionally involved with anyone they're having sex with. That's not true in your case, I guess, and I really can't imagine how it must feel to have your wife providing. So, again, sorry. It makes me wonder what my young friend's husband thinks, though she said he was a client first so I guess he knew what he was getting into, so to speak.
It is a normal phase of adjusting into the hobby. I did feel guilty before taking the plunge, but now do not think about it at all. But as another poster mentioned, make up your mind completely before you waste another provider's time. you might get blacklisted and will then not have to worry about feeling guilty as no well reviewed provider will see you... Best of luck.....
I haven't wasted their time. I sent them messages to see if they'd see me and they said yes but, when it came time to make an appointment I couldn't go through with it. I've been reading the newbie manuals and such 
You'll be fine and you are totally right to do your homework first. I joined TER in early October and went to school on the manual and this board, as well as reading reviews, saving some to favorites and learning the names and grading styles of reviewers. So armed, last night I sallied forth for the first time since 1993 and had a transcendant experience with an immediate ATF who put my seven years of earlier experience to shame. I do love the younger generation! You will, too, just take your time, get comfortable and, when you're ready, go play.
Thanks to all on this board who have helped with info and general wisdom.
What are you really feeling guilt about?
1) if you have a S.O. is she not giving you what you want or need? Maybe the guilt arises out of the feelings you have because you like 80% of Your SO but the 20% is lacking .
2) Maybe the guilt is that you are really mad at yourself that you are not being honest with yourself about what you want or need. I know guys who screw around , get caught and get dumped because they do not want to be the one who breaks up.
Figure out what the root is. You will find your answer there. I do agree that you should not waste more time of any ladies until you figure out what the real issue is. Maybe you are just an adrenaline junkie and the thrill is the fix or the high from making a date then as you come off the buzz you get the jitters and cancel. Think , did you just quit sports or lifting or gambling or whatever and are chasing that adrenaline high elsewhere.
Good luck
I dipped my toes into the proverbial waters several years ago. Afterwards, I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. I also had great sex with my wife when I got back from my trip. I promised myself I would not do it again, and haven't yet. However, I do want to try again. Reasons are as numerous as there are people. I have mine and you may have yours. I have resigned myself to the fact that if I dabble it will be for purely selfish artificial reasons, not because I don't love my wife (I do deeply) or want to see the relationship end (I don't). I never dated much when I was younger and have a strong desire to see and be with very beautiful women, women I never had a chance with in the past. My encounters will be few and far between and with hopefully a select group of beautiful women. I don't do it just because I want sex; I can get plenty of that at home. I just have a desire for beautiful women. Call it what you will.
Go for it, gwd, and I wish you as little guilt as possible. I'm in the same place as you, except that now my wife knows about it and accepts it. Too bad there aren't more like her.
PS: She's free to get laid, too, so long as it's "don't ask, don't tell."