i don't review, but thanks to those who do i've avoided some poor decisions. i am using an alias because this is sensitive both for myself and the provider involved.

i've grown to be rather fond of a particular rovider. sufficiently so that we'd go out together. on two occasions she let her real name slip in interactions with third parties.

i would have ignored this but there was also a sudden change in behavior and things. worried, i checked and it was easy to find there had been a LE bust of her.

our next date is (after some absence) back in the jurisdiction of the LE responsible for the bust so i am worried about getting stung.

my choices seem to be:

1) drop visiting her altpgether
2) cancel this particular visit and/or
2) discuss the situation more directly with her and see if there isn't a way to deal with it

i'd particularly like to hear from providers about the propriety of letting her know i know.

and stop subconsciously equating her and her profession as reason for a NSA wire tap of your phone.

You have already muddied the waters as far as discussing options with her. Honestly, I think you are safe but I doubt you are going to enjoy the appointment waiting for vice to come crashing through the door...you may as well cancel.

First...you have gotten envolved with a provider personally...thats generally a recipe for disaster.  Very few guys can handle it and expect a lady to stop thier careers.

Second... after you spent this much time with her and get her confidence you do a background check on her...were you planning to marry her?

Third... your information is very weak in asking response by anyone.

When was the bust....5 years ago, last week?  When did the behavior change happen, before she let her real name slip or after?  She could be afraid you were going to do exactly what you did and react exactlty the way you are reacting after she spent off the clock time with you as a friend.  She may also be checking you out or afraid you will become a stalker.

I see it as you having two choices.

Stop seeing her and she will regret having spent off the clock time with you and then you stop paying for sessions as well.

Keep seeing her and not let her past control your future.

In either case I would not talk about her past........let it be.....and hope like hell she does not have access to this forum!

One other thing that really confuses me...why did you start by saying that you don't do reviews when you posted as an alias?  Guys that do reviews do not want to hear that you are happy to get their information to save you butt but you are not willing to help save someone elses!

but benefit from reading ours, how can you expect to get any help for a situation you seem to have gotten into without our help.

Try contributing to the community, then come back and ask for help and advice.

I suppose the ladies you ARE NOT reviewing you expect them to give you a great reference right?

Did you ever hear of "one hand washes the other"
What would it be like if the other Gents did the same...you'd have nothing.

-- Modified on 7/28/2008 4:41:59 PM

You should not use the name information she allowed you to overhear.  You have seen her in a variety of settings...  by now, you should have the confidence that she's not going to sting you.  If you don't, then you should quit her...  and maybe the hobby.
skb

Moderator: Due to a session timeout this may be a duplicate. Feel free to post one the other both or neither.

outofurmind: Your response has been helpful so I’ll respond.

First point… yes, usually. However, I don’t expect her to stop her career.  That would be hypocritical. I was there too, after all, and I am confident that she can decide for herself when to stop.

Second…. No background check was necessary to find the bust. I had a date and locale in mind which I entered into a free internet search engine. That was sufficient. The name simply raised a 90% probability to 100% certainty.

Third…. The slip and the changes were nearly simultaneous and relatively recent. (I rather doubt a background check would find it.)  

It was a mistake to ask this question on this board and I apologize for troubling you all with it. I should simply have taken the question directly to her and have since done so. My preference is to cancel the immediate appointment, talk through the situation on neutral ground, keep seeing her, get over this and remain on friendly terms if she finds that acceptable. I had hoped by posting to be persuaded that my worries were unrealistic.  

Not a stalker. Not interested in outing anyone’s past.  You make a very, very good point about the value of reviews. The implication that I would use the information without reciprocal contribution of some sort is faulty though. I am simply new, remember?

well actually i did get into this situation by reading reviews.

i also thought a newbie forum was an appropriate place to ask a question when you had no "track record".

i have gotten into this difficulty rather quickly. i apologize that my timing does not fit your schedule.

naturally i would not expect a reference from someone i didn't review.

i would think that it would be OK to be a newbie on this discussion board. newbies have no or little track record, right?

i apologize again for getting into a jam _before_ finding a way to contribute.

so when i can write a review is the use of an alias on this board sufficient protection for a reviewed provider? see it may be a catch-22 now.... if my worries are silly (very likely) about a sting, then if i post a review of _any_ provider it may damage her career for no good reason.

Let's see first you post under an alias, you don't review, and you play private eye with your provider. As someone suggested, try growing some stones and become a participating member of this board before you start asking for our help.

for someone to stop in and then busting them.

Instead they use a decoy to entrap her.

Since you are not LE, and she is not LE, you don't have anything to worry about here.

From what I've seen, it is not unusual for any gal who has been providing for many years to have one bust on her.  It's no biggie.

yes. i hope to clarify this mess with her the best i can. i've cancelled the appointment in question and arranged to talk about what i know, how i know it and hope for the best.

now THAT is a great help. thanks. it helps me understand the process better. i promise to return at least that benefit in the future when i understand how this all works better.

"From what I've seen, it is not unusual for any gal who has been providing for many years to have one bust on her.  It's no biggie."

But you're right---it shouldn't be a biggie. 34C is my personal favorite.

It really cracks me up how some can continue to be allowed to keep coming on here telling Newbies what all they gotta do before they come on this board and ask a question. I mean WTF? If you cannot come on here and ask a question, where does a Newbie go? And yes, if you are a Newbie simply needing some advice, the biggest single most turn-off you could possibly get is some smart-ass response from those who obviously have deep personal issues. The one and only provider response you get is some drama crap about referrels that has absolutely nothing to do with your question or problem. I think there needs to be some reminder to the members here that when a Newbie comes here asking for advice, they should be treated with respect, not talked to as if they are just some ignorant SOB, they can get that from anywhere.

I couldn't have sait it better....
 In my opinion...remember this is just my opinion...seems like some of the responses are quite harsh and insensitive to the discussion at hand.  There is so much paranoia (spelling?) out there it's hard to get a more logical and sensible reply on a question.  My experience in this business gets me frazzled most days but I have to make sure not to become bitter and take it personally where it effects my view of others on an understanding level.  It's easy to do...trust me!  You should hear the calls that I get! lol...
I'm sure that this will get some pretty nastly responses...but if I expect anything more than I set myself up.  
Try to have a good day!
Maria

but if you are that worried, then your session may be impacted anyway.

I would suggest an outcall outside of the LE jurisdiction for your next session, at which time you should just enjoy yourself and broach the subject afterwards very gently or not at all.  I suggest this more for your piece of mind rather than any real threat of sting.  

Good luck

i am settling down and am coming to the conclusion that my brain, which loves solving problems, temporarily outweighed my gut, which tells me that there were none.

i was clumsy in gentle attempts to discuss the LE incident. if i had been more clear i could have avoided all this drama, perhaps. i apologize for disturbing the peace of the board.

i have made clear arrangements to meet and discuss what and how i know. hopefully a normalization of relations can ensue. if not, no blame for her.

"i am settling down and am coming to the conclusion that my brain, which loves solving problems, temporarily outweighed my gut, which tells me that there were none."

Gut reactions can get you in trouble much more easily than logically working out the possibilities in your brain. If this one time you may have overthought it, don't let that be a deterrant to thinking it through next time as well. Regretting being safe is usually less regret than being sorry.

Remember, people often want to slim down their gut, but no one ever tries to slim down their brain. (OK, rotten anology but work with me here...)

you are taking advantage of her confidence. Her life aside from this hobby is really none of your business.  You are using info you "overheard" to butt intio her private personal affairs as far as you are concerned.  You are spying, and I am sure if she knew it would no longer be your worry I am sure she'd no longer wish to see you.

no i am not. you make it sound like i found about the bust from a background check. that isn't the case.

there was a drastic change of behavior including dropping her name. it was clear there was something wrong since she had suddenly moved.

other posts in Legal Corner suggest staying aware of LE activity. so i followed that up and found it. the address involved was her previous location and the date was the day before the change in behavior.

i would have known her name from the record even if she hadn't dropped it.

well first off I had no idea you were super new to this, it sounded to me in your first post that you enjoyed all the spoils but don't review. So I misunderstood you there.
And then again since I missed that you explained how you found out, so again, I don't believe I had all the info so thats how it sounded to me. Sorry again If you had gone into depth a bit it may have been clearer, for me at least.
Good luck with your encounters...stay safe

Nicole