This site has already been invaluable and I appreciate everyone's willingness to share their wisdom. I have a couple questions (hopefully not too basic) that I wanted to throw out.

Situation: My wife is bi-curious and although I'm not sure I want to go through with anything I'd thought I'd do some research and understand the options. We are not looking for a threesome...just simply want to arrange for a surprise sensual massage and I'll observe.

Questions/Thoughts

1. I'm uncomfortable with in call and would prefer meeting for a drink at a nice downtown DC hotel and then head up to a room. Also this would allow it to be a surprise for my wife - she would never have the nerve for in call. Is this realistic for a newbie? She could always leave after the drink if she was uncomfortable.

2. I work in and around government and don't like the idea of turning up in a database they get access to. Will I definitely need to use P411 or like service?

3. Most providers address men and escort services but is it common that they also work with women and are sensual massages a normal service? Also is sensual massage something I can mention in my email? Would couple rates apply if I don't participate (not an issue but curious if I should address it)?

Also any provider recommendations?

Thanks for all your insights!

-- Modified on 9/18/2013 1:13:36 PM

-- Modified on 9/18/2013 1:34:33 PM

and many of them can't be answered. For instance, we can't make any provider recommendations since we don't know where you are. Neither can we tell you if "couples rates" will apply since we don't know where you are or who youare going to hire.

As I said in a recent post, you are looking for us to tell you what the "standards" are, what the "rules" are, and so on. They don't exist. Rates, screening methods, and "normal services" are set by individual providers, there is no "industry standard".

Here are my attempts to answer what I think you are looking for:

1) Re-read your post. It is confusing. If a provider offers "incall" it means you go to her place, so "outcall" means she comes to yours. So you want to meet her for a drink, and then "head up". Where, to your place or hers? EITHER way, some providers will be happy to meet for a drink, others will not. MOST will charge you for that time. And if you book a provider for say 30 minutes of public time and one hour of private time, MOST providers will expect to be paid, up front, for the entire 90 minutes. If you choose to walk away after the drink, you are still paying for the whole date.

2) You will have to provide screening information to a provider based on her requirements, and they are all different. There are many providers - like on BackPage, for instance - who don't screen at all. The less a provider scres in the first place, the bigger risk you are taking; GENERALLY speaking, trustworthy and reliable providers screen. Do you HAVE to join P411? No. But if you don't have references, you are probably going to have to EITHER join a service, or give out extensive personal information.

3) Many providers love to work with women. I don't really know what a sensual massage includes or entails for a woman, but you aren't going to have a problem finding someone for that. I have no idea what "mentioning in your meal" means, I assume it's a typo - but you can search for FBSM here, and you certainly can talk about it, just don't mention specific sex acts. I don't know if you'd get charged to sit and watch, you'd have to ask the provider.

Hope this helps.

Many thanks Clarence! I've edited my post to reflect I'm in DC. Also. I mentioned meeting for drinks at a hotel so meant we would go up to a room. And meal was a typo and should have read email.

I have personally run into a masage scam in DC, and have heard a couple of other stories as well. All the more reason to be careful about the provider you choose, be sure she as a number of reputable reviews.

Good luck in your search.

 
PS - I don't know how you can sit there and just watch that. I'd last about five minutes and then I'd just jump on top of both of them

Most top providers who work with couples will want to speak to your wife.  They do not like be a surprise for your wife. Not saying you won't be able to find one, just sayin' many prefer to speak with her before you meet.  

Providers will agree to what you  are looking for, but it will not be advertised so much. You'll need to spend time reading provider web sites.

I did not think of that. Thanks.

2. I work in and around government and don't like the idea of turning up in a database they get access to. Will I definitely need to use P411 or like service?  
   
 You really don't need to worry about this very much.  Unless you are subject to a lifestyle poly, there is little chance of exposure if you use a screening service such as P411 or RS2K.  Even if you have a lifestyle poly, just remember STFU and they will not likely get to it.  You will have to determine how much information you are willing to expose if a service or indy has extremely stringent screening requirements.

All in all, you are much safer from exposure by going to providers that screen well.  There is a premium on discretion for both the customer and the provider.  You chances of getting pinched and therefore losing your government or government contractor job go up exponentially if you engage a provider that is not careful about their screening or screen at all.

Playing with in the hobby "system", such as it is, is the best way to remain safe.

Showing up to any location after getting solicited by a client via email equals intent in most states, and they can arrest us/you for doing nothing other than showing up. I would never meet a guy in public much less his wife along for the ride, not screening both of them. If you don't want to do incall to her place, then rent the room yourself and have her go there.

Thanks for your advice.

You haven't mentioned if your wife has ever partaken in a sensual massage, even though she is bi-curious a surprise like that could be a disaster for you.  Don't do a surprise for the first time, talk to her and make a selection together.

Agreed. I offer a meet and greet  of option for couples that allows them to back out of the actual date if we decide the woman and I are not a match. I charge a small fee for a public meeting over drinks (about an hour) and if all goes well, that is deducted from the time fee for the next 2 hours of play.