but how many times can a gal pull that trick and get away with it?

Once other gals are on to her, she'll be toast.

That's one nice thing about forums like TER, word gets out and gets out quickly about stuff like that.

I'd like to think that those things happen very rarely.

I emailed touring provider A for an appointment giving touring provider B as a reference. 1 hour later touring provider B emails me saying she will be visiting my town and if I want to schedule with her. I politely say , we'll play it by ear since I am seeing provider A.

Well after this exchange, I never hear back from touring provider A. She seemed enthusiastic to see me. I know there are a million reasons why she could have flaked out. But is it likely because provider B gave a bad reference about me with hopes I would see her instead? Or do these things just not happen  ?


-- Modified on 12/9/2010 6:48:05 PM

The more I think about it, it seems unlikely . The whole point of giving a reference is so that person will say a positive thing about you. I had already asked my reference for permission to use her and she enthusiastically obliged. It would seem very odd if the reference said something negative about you.

Anything is possible, but like the other answers, I would say that it is highly unlikely. There are many reasons why you may not have heard back- maybe someone that she had seen previously asked for a longer appointment- just an example. This past summer, a provider I wanted to see asked me to fill out the form on her website and include references. I did so, and despite having a few ladies whitelise me, as well as references on another referral site, the provider never got back to me. When this happens, oh well, move on. There is always someone else that you will want to see.

I agree with MC. Some girls out of (financial) possessiveness and jealousy, just stonewall giving out references. Some do it quite consciously and deliberately, whereas some are just plain ignorant and do not care about some one else making some dough. Remember that this is not a sisterhood or a sorority, but a competitive field. Anyone who falls into these two categories or in between, is just UNPROFESSIONAL and if verified as such, should be avoided

Personally when I give out ladies names as references on me, I follow it up with the new provider and if I find out that a certain lady has failed to provide her with a reference (I always email the lady and let her know in advance that I have given out her name as a reference on me, and I never ask someone for a reference if they have not seen me within the last 6 months) I make note and if this repeats 2-3 times, I will never ever go back to see that original provider which I had used for the reference purpose. EVER!

To be quite fair, some of this kind of stuff happens with the clients too who refuse to vouch for a lady.

I'm sure it happens but I doubt it happens often.

I try to mitigate it happening by using providers in one city as refs to see a provider in a different city.  Though I don't expect any issues it gives them less reason to even think about being jealous

I mean really it's a long list of reasons we could suggest on what happen.......

If you suspect this ask Provider A blackballing your name.......then ask Proivder C who you're cool with to call Provider A and pretend she's calling her for a refference to see you. That way you can find out what's up.

omg homersimpson you tottally brought up a good point.i am a new provider and i hope none of the girls try and do thst.

I can't think of a hobbyist who has more problems along these lines. I can only conclude he brings most of these problems on himself.

Another nice thing about TER, you can follow any members posts and see who constantly has problems scheduling, HomerSimpson seems to have more problems in this regard than any other poster I can think of.

There may be many others with similar woes but who won't tell us out of embarrasment or shyness.

It's good for these kinds of problems to be aired, which is one of the best things about TER.

The OP mitigated by asking a traveler to give a reference! I've done so many a time...

I agree with someone above that it's more likely that an absence of a reference was given as opposed to a bad one. This just seems fishy because shortly after the reference request Provider B called him. Still, stranger things have happened. It could be Provider B let Provider A know how much of a wonderful guy you are and that motivated her to call you. In the end, Provider A flaked on getting back to you for whatever reason. I wouldn't overthink it. However, if you use Provider B as a reference again and this occurs think twice!

want to protect their business.

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. ~ James Madison.

Part of the human condition is that none of us here on Earth is perfect. Some of us are more imperfect than others.  It is not beyond the realm of possiblity, in any line of business, for one business to sabotage another. ~ Alex_Hamilton.