Don't forget to use a different address for your hobby bank. After all this it would really suck to get busted by a random mailing to the home. Also, have an answer ready as to why all of the accounts your wife now has access to are all only a few weeks old. If she's smart enough to run the finances she will be smart enough to notice the lack of history on everything you give her. Best advice would be to try and talk her out of running the books. Maybe scale back the fun for awhile so money isn't so tight around the house and maybe she'll drop it if there is no need to save money. Either that or start talking to ALL of the best divorce attorneys in your town. Even if you don't hire them if you have a consultation they cannot rep your wife as it would be a conflict of interest.
Can't remember who says this but I'm stealing it anyway...
Still not a lawyer..
Good luck.
For the first time in 8 years. The wife wants to be the one managing the family finances. The intention is to try to find ways to save money. So she wants to keep track of the money coming in and out which would reveal to her my paychecks and the monthly withdrawals that I make for my hobby funds. I am in panic mode right now because my paychecks are much bigger than what I have been telling the wife; and once she saw the periodic ATM withdrawals, it's going to be deadly for me! She never looked at my bank accounts before. I wonder how do you guys handle your hobby funds so that the wife won't know how much money you are making and how many withdrawals you are making each month.
I was thinking should I immediately open a new bank account for all my paychecks deposits, and then just transfer the money, less my hobby funds, to my regular bank account from each paycheck? Are there any better ways to go about this?
I can't even sleep at nights now. I need a solution to this. Thanks in advance for all your inputs
Most companies, if you are using direct deposit, will deposit funds into multiple bank accounts. Have 80% (or whatever) got to the main account, 20% to the hobby account.
Some other things to worry about (sorry, not going to help you sleep better):
- Is she going to be looking at the taxes, too?
- How about your past withdrawls? If she's starting to look at the bank accounts now, she may go back through recent history just to get a feel for the cash flow situation.
Other, wiser folks will hopefully chime in. Good luck!
This is a great suggestion. I would have never thought of this. Would you suggest the "hobby account" be with a different bank from my regular account, like one account with BOA and the other with Citi, or it doesn't really matter?
As for the tax situation you brought up, that's a huge concern too. is it possible to do a split with tax, similarly to split direct deposits
I have no idea on the split tax part but if you do set up a hobby account with a different bank you better make damn sure it doesn't pay interest and you better not use your home address. "Hunny, what is this 1099INT form from B of A, we don't have an account there"? Uh oh! You also never know when a bank will mail stuff to your address even if you have signed up for electronic delivery of your statements.
As for the tax situation you brought up, that's a huge concern too. is it possible to do a split with tax, similarly to split direct deposits?
If you have direct deposit of your paychecks, you can tell your employer to deposit part of it into one bank account, and part of it into another bank account that wifey doesn't know anything about. Take the ATM withdrawals from the 2nd bank account.
Wifey can analyze the 1st bank account all she wants looking for ways to save money. LOL
Aside from splitting your direct deposit, which could look funny if she looks at statements (look honey, I took a pay cut at work), you could use your debit card at stores and get a little extra cash back each... extra $40 added to the walmart or target bill may not draw suspicion. Then just squirrel that away and save up for the provider of your choice.
I was thinking should I immediately open a new bank account for all my paychecks deposits, and then just transfer the money, less my hobby funds, to my regular bank account from each paycheck? Are there any better ways to go about this?
I can't even sleep at nights now. I need a solution to this. Thanks in advance for all your inputs!
OMG, it is hilarious to see what some men will go through just to get a fkin nut bwahahaha. Hooray for Capitalism.
Two step process. One close old account and open new joint account. Say that you heard another bank is easier for two people to access and manage. It might look shady but I'm giessing you'd rather have her wonder than know. Two- Split the direct deposit Ultimately, if you're in a position that she's worried about the money then you'll have to tone down the habit. Thoisands per month is only doable for people with enough money that neither cares enough to look in depth at the financials. An alternative could be hiring a professional to manage your money and insuring that they can be trusted with you secret.
If she has access to all of your bank accounts and credit cards, nothing you do is going to go unnoticed. Just make up a reason why you need x amount of money, but she might tell you to "forget about it."
He could tell her that he has a gambling addiction!
Too much - was thinking the same damn thing! What goes over best? Sex? Drugs? Gambling? Probably gambling....or divorce maybe?
Sucks, tough spot.
Do you have a relative brother or sister who will take the hit? "I was lending the money to..."
For 5k, I will lie for you. 
...Scientology auditing. Either way you've been breaking bad.
I wish I could give you better news.
To me the biggest worry right now for you is to figure out what you have been spending that cash you've been withdrawing on. You better come up with a damn good answer and be prepared should the question arise. Drinking with buddies, strip club, dinner with friends; anything but providers. If you have some money hidden that amounts to near what you have withdrawn then go buy a nice piece of jewelry for your wife. Don't give it to her. Have it just in case the issue comes up. Maybe some guys can help you with some suggestions because that's what you really need right now. You need to cover your past before you worry about your future.
For The Future.
In looking at your reviews it appears to me that you are into this for somewhere between 5 and 7 bills a month recently. That's a lot of $40.00 withdrawals at Walmart, Target, Vons, Etc. Even if you could withdraw the money that way what makes you think your wife wouldn't see that on the receipt and inquire about it. Sure you could pass off a hundred bucks, but not $700.00. "Hunny, can you please explain to me where the $700.00 in cash you got back from Walmart, Target, and Vons is at"? Not a pretty sight. When I was married I handled all of the finances and you bet your a** I knew when my wife took money out from the store. You don't come home with one bag of groceries and then enter a $110.00 entry into the check book.
I do like the idea of the split deposit, but lets say you make 100K and you split is 90/10. You don't think your wife will wonder at the end of the year why your W2 is so much more than what she remembers seeing put into the bank? If she's in charge of the finances, and knows what she's looking at, she will notice at some point.
If you get paid via check you could always only deposit a portion of the check and get the rest in cash, although you still will end up with the same problem as the above paragraph come tax time.
One viable option may be to start dealing only with cash. I hate entering entries into the checkbook so I always pay cash for everything. It may be easier to siphon some more money off that way.
You really need to look at this long term wise and what this will cost you if you are caught. You need to just have a solid answer for where the past money went and where the future money went to that you have that answer for her right away when she asks. Uhhhhhhhhhhh; isn't going to be a good answer.
Good Luck.
You're going to have a hell of a time coming up with a way to retroactively cover your tracks.
I suppose the good news is that she's not going to be able to figure out (beyond any shadow of a doubt, anyway) exactly where that cash went. That at least leaves you with some plausible deniability. Still, it's going to be obvious that you were up to something sordid, since you have nothing to show for the missing funds.
Hopefully she will buy your explanation that you've been "gambling" (maybe get a bunch of old lottery tickets from the guy at the 7-11) or pick up some losing tickets at local race track. "Strip club" with your pals or "poker night" may also help - maybe a combination of these excuses. Anything else and your ass will be in divorce court!
Good luck to you!!
you'll need to cover those old periodic ATM withdrawals. If the wife goes on line I'm pretty sure like most on line bank accounts, she can probably go back far enough to see the trail of those withdrawals. You may have to close out that account and open a new account.
Still not a banker
I have used a second bank account and had statements sent paperlessly. Direct deposit and split it up that way you dont have to worry about moving money around friday mornings.
I was thinking should I immediately open a new bank account for all my paychecks deposits, and then just transfer the money, less my hobby funds, to my regular bank account from each paycheck? Are there any better ways to go about this?
I can't even sleep at nights now. I need a solution to this. Thanks in advance for all your inputs!
For covering up the past, I close the old account so what happened with that old account is gone.
For the future, creat a new account with my bank, and another account for hobby purpose with a bank my wife doesn't know the name of, and set up split direct deposits to the two accounts, and only do withdrawals from the hobby account.
Anything else I should add to that?
For the previous atm withdrawals you can always say you were using the money for petty cash and some of the withdrawals were for a rainy day fund that you keep in a safe or somewhere else without her access. Also, try to convince her you are better at handling the finances for the family.
Don't forget to use a different address for your hobby bank. After all this it would really suck to get busted by a random mailing to the home. Also, have an answer ready as to why all of the accounts your wife now has access to are all only a few weeks old. If she's smart enough to run the finances she will be smart enough to notice the lack of history on everything you give her. Best advice would be to try and talk her out of running the books. Maybe scale back the fun for awhile so money isn't so tight around the house and maybe she'll drop it if there is no need to save money. Either that or start talking to ALL of the best divorce attorneys in your town. Even if you don't hire them if you have a consultation they cannot rep your wife as it would be a conflict of interest.
Can't remember who says this but I'm stealing it anyway...
Still not a lawyer..
Good luck.
otherwise it will be too much for a coincidence to happen. Did your bank recently increase services charges, account fees, cut benefits on a debit or credit card or something like that? An excuse like that might work.
Splitting up the deposits is fine but she might ask for a paycheck stub, then you are screwed. All employers provide some form of paper or online paycheck stub regardless of direct deposit for record keeping. Those are also necessary if you need to apply for credit, loans or benefits mid year when tax returns on W2 statements are not the most current.
You could create fake stubs online and show her but that will only get you to tax time.
Your other problem is taxes. You will need to justify the additional amounts on official W2, 1099 statements, tax forms and the higher than anticipated tax bill for your income range. DO NOT FILE FALSE TAX RETURNS.
You can ask your boss to give you a pay cut for a few months and take a few months off from the hobby. That might coverup for the past.
Your problems are much deeper though.
Chances are good she already suspects something is going on like cheating, lover, addiction, golf, drinking, gambling etc. There is a problem either financially or relationship wise in your household. Your goal is to fix that, the root cause.
She wouldn't request to take over the finances out of the blue unless she is cheating or developed a spending addiction herself and needs to cover that up.
Based on the limited information you have shared, you should start mentally preparing for a divorce either at your request or hers. It might be the most realistic solution short of you coming clean, quitting and she forgiving you. It might be for the best.
Good luck
I think this "story" about wanting to look for ways to save money is just a story because she already knows something is going on and she aims to find out what it is. She probably thinks your having an affair and spending money on that bitch. So, me thinks the jig is up.
Of course all pure speculation on my part, but I know how women think and I know what I would do if I were her.
Good Luck cause I think you are really going to need it
know as a provider I shouldn't be suggesting it, but maybe it's time to cut back. If she's trying to save, then she knows a lot of money is going out. Or you're saying no to her when she asks for cash. Do you not have a joint bank account? There should be three. One for her(for whatever the hell she wants), one for you, and one for all the family stuff to come out of(mortgage, kids stuff, groceries, insurance, etc). You can explain it away as for holidays and birthdays you don't want her seeing where you're shopping and ruining the surprise. (mint.com is a great tool for managing money)
You could tell her you want to talk to an accountant or some other professional about it and leave it to them, the "go big or go home" solution. Or be like "honey, if you're really serious about trying to save, lets shop around. do some research and get us the best possible rates". Then transfer money to the new bank of her choice, check with HR to do the percentage split between the two like several other people have mentioned, done.
But honestly, she's probably a little suspicious, or will be soon. fucked if you do, fucked if you don't
When wife and I got married, we created a joint account. We kept our individual accounts. We get paid from work into our individual accounts and have a certain amount sent to the joint account for bills every week. So we each have our own spending money from our individual accounts that we can spend however we want.
To me this is a no brainer.
My wife doesn't work so we only have two accounts. One joint account and one individual account for me from when I was single. She never looked at them nor care where the money were. I would deposit my paychecks to my individual account and move some money to the joint account each month. I believe she has no concept of what an individual account is meant to be used. She just thinks everything is the family money. Your wife actually understands how things work.
To me this is a no brainer.
So you have no idea how much your spouse is making and don't care.
OR she might be planning to cash & dash herself.
Years ago, a buddy of mine had his wife bail, cleaned out the joint account, left him with the kids. By the time she'd run through the cash. He had moved everything into an account with his mother. He let her come back but there was never enough in the joint account to do more than current month's bills.
If you've been making substantial cash withdrawals... you are screwed. Is there a casino near you? What about a knee-cap buster (bookie)? Sign up for Gamblers Anonymous. Or claim strip clubs... Or ?? It has to be cash losses.
If you file joint taxes, she will find out your real income.
I am on a budget & must be careful although we've always had separate accounts (second marriages for both). I don't use ATMs... I take a cash w/d regularly for pocket money. I increased it when I started the hobby... but there are no withdrawals to match up to times I'm AWOL. I accumulate excess cash keeping just a minimal amount in my sock drawer (refill my wallet from there)... and if I have any left in the sock drawer, it gets added to the stash & the w/d happens on time.
I would try to not let her take over the finances (if you were gambling you would do the same) but she may still dig into your finances. You probably can not stop it & recognize a PI/forensic accountant can probably prove the cash outflow easily.
Oh, yes, a separate account should be in a separate bank. It's probably too late. There is darn few things which can not be traced. One thing which only shows up in the year it is done is paper US Savings bonds. Interest accrues but is not paid until they are cashed... so they don't show up in financials.
Oh, yes, cash is invisible too.
Trust me, a court order will find most hidden accounts. A buddy, headed to divorce court, bagged his soon to ex hiding funds... think contempt of court!
When I was getting divorced, I sold my gun collection (premarital asset)... & had a buddy put the money in a joint account with me. His name was first & his SS# so my ex couldn't get it. It back fired when my buddy had an accident & couldn't pay the medical bill... the account was attached... I'd have been better off with the money in a coffee can. I was worried about LOSING INTEREST when I should have been worried about losing my PRINCIPAL!
You are, as I think you realize, in a very tough spot. I think you are already burned. She may suspect an affair. Probably not prostitution. I don't think you can lie your way out of it very well.
You should certainly lay off the hobby, expect to be followed, tracked & traced. Redouble your security.
skb
and file them separately? For example, you make 200k. Can you file one jointly for say 150k, and one individually for 50k. You might have to pay more taxes on the individual one, but assuming the extra tax burden is not a concern, is it even possible to do that?
You can't file two separate tax returns with the same SSN on them. IRS would flag it, reject it and you would be at risk for an audit.
This is assuming it would be possible for you to get two W2 statements from your employer because you can't split one W2 statement into two different returns. Remember your employer forwards a copy of the W2 you get to the IRS as well.
Now if you can get your employer to issue one W2 for the higher amount under your wife's SSN and the smaller one under your SSN then you are talking because you could each file a separate tax return.
The problem is all SS and FICA Taxes would be paid and filed under her SSN and she would be entitled to collect those. When retirement time comes, you would be screwed out of out of SS and Medicare benefits.
This is getting more and more complicated and if you are already losing sleep, your best option might be the divorce route if you want to continue to hobby. Your alimony and child support would be huge because she doesn't work.
Other Options Include:
1. Find a way to keep control at all costs.
You need to figure out what she is ultimately after with the power grab. Does she think you are cheating? Blowing off cash? or want more spending cash for herself?
If she just wants more spending cash for herself. The solution is as simple as telling her you just got a raise, buy her a nice expensive gift and give her a nice big increase in her personal spending allowance every month.
She might get over the power grab, you keep control and continue to hobby.
2. Tell her you got a raise. It will cover your spending for the past but significantly crimp your future hobby funds.
3. Take a pay cut. It will cover your spending for the past but also eliminate your hobby funds.
4. Take a chance and come clean but not all the way clean. You might save your marriage or be divorced but you avoid the pay cut route and avoid having to explain what happened to funds in the past. With this option, your hobby days are over. Temporarily at least
the only problem I could see her noticing is the fact that the account is new. If I was her I would wonder why you closed the old one. Just my opinion.
well, to have a new account, could you just "loose" your checkbook or ATM card? ANd I just get a little extra money from the store, and periodically place it on a WalMart Money card..
It is all traceable...that's the problem. No matter WHAT you do, if she has the books, you are not going to be able to hide anything especially come tax season. If you get a raise, that would be on your damn check stub.
But in my opinion, I'd not want to be married if I was living in such extreme fear of my partner. Yes you need to hide the money in a safety deposit maybe. Or just tell her that you want to handle the paycheck and tell her she can handle something else. You don't have to agree with everything. You have say so. Be strong and speak your mind
I was thinking should I immediately open a new bank account for all my paychecks deposits, and then just transfer the money, less my hobby funds, to my regular bank account from each paycheck? Are there any better ways to go about this?
I can't even sleep at nights now. I need a solution to this. Thanks in advance for all your inputs!
My solution is to hide in plain sight. Do you have close friends or family who either live abroad or could use extra money monthly? If you do then say that you've been sending them a little money each month because (a) your friend abroad likes having US dollars on hand but doesn't want to pay steep fx fees or (b) your friend has been ill recently and you felt it'd be nice to send him a little money to help him get by. Preferably use someone she doesn't like or hates.
Also open a new credit card account (have the bills sent to your office or rent a PO box at the post office and have them sent there). Open a hobby only checking account. Sign up for square or PayPal using a new email address. Use your hobby credit card to send money via square or Paypal to your hobby checking account. There's a 3% transaction fee for this. That's an easy way to move a lot of cash. If wifey asks about these Paypal transactions, mention one of the above excuses.