Brings back terrible memories of when I tried to get my first job and every business I went to denied me on the premise that I didn't have enough work experience.(how am I supposed to get experience if nobody wants to give me a job) Likewise, how do I get references if I can't even get past the phone call? I do well on the screening portion right up until that question is popped.

And this is my first time doing this, and I'm becoming very disillusioned at the whole situation. 1st time I can deal with that, 2nd time is fine as well, 3rd time I'm becoming frustrated, 4th time I'm getting angry, 5th time I'm downright steaming from the ears, and the 6th time I just about hung up before she could finish "Sorry, not without refe..."

It's probably just them trying to protect themselves but man...how's a guy supposed to get some lovin' around here. After that long night of frustration, I almost don't even feel like doing it anymore. I've seen these screening sites but I'm giving her the same info they are asking so I don't know how paying for a screening fee and then buying a membership is going to help me(that's like going to a job interview and having to pay the guy interviewing you...for interviewing you).


-- Modified on 8/3/2009 10:54:28 AM

maybe think about a screening service ( p411 date-check) I know i have alternative screening methods for people without references and I'm sure other ladies do too, keep at it the right fit will come along.

I know it can be disheartening but it will get better i promise!

I know it is frustrating. We've been there, to some extent or the other.

Be prepared to provide information needed to make the ladies feel comfortable and safe. That may be uncomfortable for you at the beginning, but it is part of what gets you over the no-references hurdle.

Try posting on your local board. Politely let the local ladies know that you are a newbie that will do what you can to fulfill any screening alternative to references. Be patient and you'll probably get some taker willing to work with you. Then once you have seen her and been a gentleman, ask her about being a reference for you.

Good luck.

Man, it's posts like these that make me realize how lucky I was with my (very recent) introduction to the hobby.

It all started because I didn't have a clue and posted on the local board of the area I was visiting about trying to find providers for my very first time. Two responded to the post. Both had 30+ great reviews. I chose one, contacted her and went through her own personal version of screening.

As I become more knowledgeable, I realize I very well could still be looking months later. I had no references, wasn't a member of DateCheck or other screening sites and work for a small company with no switchboard (we all have direct numbers) so she couldn't really just verify employment.

In my favor, I do have a bio and photo on my company's web site, to which I directed the provider I had chosen.

Only in retrospect do I realize how smoothly my introduction to the hobby went. During our session (which I LOVED. Thank you), she mentioned that she really doesn't see too many new clients. When I asked why she bothered to make an exception for me, she did mention the photo. So I guess I look pretty benign.

I haven't seen anyone since then (end of May), but I have a confirmed appointment in a different city that I got with a provider who knew the first one personally (she told me at the end of our session she'd be happy to provide a reference for me or suggestions).

I absolutely realize how lucky I got and I will always remember my first experience and the woman who provided it with very warm feelings. All I can say to the OP is keep trying. Unless there is a good reason not to, someone will probably take a chance on you. After that, you can build a reference library by visiting a provider the first one either knows personally, or by reputation. Then, you're off to the races.

I realize there are a lot of anti-agency folks on TER, but often times they're the easiest way to start getting references.  It's not the ultimate solution, but it's a good start.

Reputation. Some agencies will also White List you. That also may help, but some independents do not accept agency references. It is still a viable start.

Have you tried seeing ladies that advertise over at the Indy Board? They're not too strict about references if you explain your situation.

Agencies are the ones who insist on references.

If someone had called me without references i would most likely give the same response.  Scratch it - definately give the same response.

HOwever, if you had contacted me via e mail indicating that you have recently joined P411 or Datecheck and willing to provide me with enough information to effectively screen, that would be a different story.

It is hard for newbies, both Gentlemen and Ladies, but we do what we can to help.

Lina

Agencies are much better then independents accepting verification OTHER then references.

I also do not recommend steering him to an inferior board. That one can be useless depending on where he is located.

So, as a new girl to the web I have the same problem with reviews. Catch 22, I get it. Would it be wrong to arrange a scratch your back if you scratch mine situation? When a low on no reviewed girl works with a low or no referenced guy. Then girl gets reviewed and guy has a reference. Is that bad? Do people do that? Just a thought!

date check, or RS2000?

...and some ladies are also happy to accept work information as a means of verification, assuming you're an employee.