I recently arranged a 2cd visit with a provider I enjoyed seeing just over 2 weeks ago. I texted her on Wednesday and we set up the appointment for Friday at 1 pm, knowing the town of the hotel she was staying in, about 25 miles and 45 minutes to an hour away.
On Friday morning at 10 I texted her for the location...and did not hear back from her. I then texted her at 11:30 saying I needed the address where she was staying, and got a little nervous about her being a no-show. Finally at 12:05pm she texts me the location and tells me to google it for the address, she doesn't know it. I can't google the location because I am in my car with only my GPS and an old-style flip phone. I decide that because she is not getting back to me promptly and providing necessary information, that I am not going to rush around on my end to keep the appointment. She finally texts me with an address at 12:30, and then at 12:40 she tells me she is ready. So...did I make the right decision? Should I expect better treatment and timely information from a provider? I feel like she flaked on me and this is her responsibility.Today people just assume that every one can just hit a button and say: Suri: Give me directions to....
So, maybe you should have indicated that you needed the location a few hours ahead of time, and she should not have assumed things either.
What's not clear is whether or not you cancelled or just showed up late.
If you did show up, did the session go OK
I canceled. I prefer a smoother, more relaxing experience, and just felt rushed without knowing where I was going. We're probably both pointing the finger at one another playing the blame game.
I felt that by contacting her at 10am, 3 hours before our meeting, I should have heard back from her, even with other appointments, etc., and I had access to a computer to google the hotel all the way up until about 15 minutes before she contacted me at noon time.
Not sure what this will mean for future get-togethers, or references
I doubt she'd give you a good reference, either.
From her point of view, she did get back to you in a (somewhat) timely fashion (if it was inadequate by your standards, I'm sure she doesn't feel that way), and was even ready for the appointment 20 minutes early.
Personally, I think that 3 hours beforehand is WAY late to confirm. (However, I will always email the client to confirm... I won't wait for him.)
Some clients really can't commit so far in advance due to hectic schedules. And so I won't book a hotel until I get an 'OK.' But those are people with whom I have some familiarity and trust... we have an understanding
There's really no reason she couldn't have provided the hotel's name in advance.
And yes, she sounds a bit flaky.
But while I can understand your frustration, it doesn't sound like she understood that you urgently needed a fast reply. She did answer... just not as rapidly as you needed. But she might not have been ignoring you... she might have been working out, on the phone w/family, driving, or even in session w/another client.
She did seem like she had every intention of keeping the appointment. She was even ready 20 minutes early!!
Location should always be made clear *well* ahead of time, especially if travel is involved. In the future, I'd confirm w/your provider much earlier (maybe the 24-36 hours before) and make it clear exactly what you need, information-wise and otherwise. She could have found out the exact address the night before, and emailed it to you then...
But even if you couldn't email her the night before, better communication still could have solved this problem. When she said to google the hotel's name, why didn't you just simply tell her that you only had a flip phone, and needed an exact address for your car GPS? And that, since you'd just gotten the location, you might unfortunately be a little bit late
I think texting three hours before the appointment was a reasonable thing to do, BUT
She did provide the location right at an hour before the appointment, giving "most" guys plenty of time to get there even considering the 45 minute drive. I agree that better communication on "BOTH" sides would have prevented this misunderstanding. If "most" of us were in the OP's shoes, we would have had no problem making the appointment on time, and even if it might have been a little tight, a simple text saying "Since I just now got your address, I might be a few minutes late, see you soon" would have smoothed everything out.
I can see a bit of blame on both sides, but I would have had no problem getting to the appointment on time given the scenario laid out by the OP, so I put "most" of the blame on him for the appointment not happening.
But normally, *I* am the one traveling, and not the other way around. So before I leave to drive 1+ hours and possibly book a hotel (both of those things can entail major stress in NYC) I want to be 100% sure the guy will follow through. The best way I've found to do that, is to consistently be in touch w/him (a deposit helps, but I try to reserve those for exceptional circumstances). I rarely have any negative surprises.
I am also pretty quick to cancel if I sense any pussyfooting on his part. But I communicate first. For instance, 'Hi, I still haven't heard from you about today's date. As I said in my last email, I'll need to know by 11AM if you still plan to meet. If I don't hear from you by then, I'll assume that something came up.' And I'll give myself enough time... I won't put myself in a position where I'll drive all the way there and be sitting in a Sbux for an hour, only to have him go silent. I'll know if I'm going or not before I even think about stepping into the shower to get ready.
I do agree that 3 hours should, in most cases, be enough time. But he could have left himself a much more comfortable margin... and, as most have said, communicated better w/her to ensure that he had all the info he needed.
Modified to say: As prepared as I (usually) am, I cannot remember the last time I was sitting there and ready a full 20 minutes early. Seems like I'm always smudging my mascara or ripping a tight, or rushing around to light candles. I personally found that to be pretty impressive...
-- Modified on 11/6/2016 2:15:36 PM
Did you tell her at 10 am why you needed the address then--because you wouldn't have access to the web after you left for her place? Did you explain to her at 11:30 why you needed the address then? At 12:05, did you pull your car over and text her back to explain why you needed her address, not just her location?
Also, what did she tell you in earlier communications or on her web site about timing for sending you her address? In my experience it's very common for providers to wait until shortly before the time of the date to give their address. But they let me know that ahead of time, so I can prepare accordingly. That could explain her delay in sending you her address--if that's not her usual policy and she didn't know why you needed the address ahead of time. What did the two of you agree to re communications the day of the session? If she wasn't clear about that, you should have asked, before that day. You had two days to work out those details with her.
One thing I don't understand: you knew what town the hotel was in. Why didn't you drive to that town early enough so that when she sent you the address at 12:30 you could have made the date? I've done that several times, when I knew the general location but knew I probably wouldn't get the address until shortly before the date.
IMO she didn't "flake" on you, given what you've told us. I think you could have handled it better. Maybe she could have also, but it's hard to tell as we're only getting your side of this and only some of the details.
initially inquire as to the neighborhood or area so I can figure out the travel. I don't need the exact address but like OP I don't have internet access on the road. I should probably be more explicit about no net. If they can't or won't then it just won't work. I'm not driving an hour without having a destination. Traveling blind, I could be "waiting" on the wrong side of the city & still not be able to get there.
I like to find a nearby coffee shop to hang until she calls.
PS She should have the street address of the location available. She doesn't need to give the room number yet, or can give a nearby but phoney house number.
PS She should have the street address of the location available. She doesn't need to give the room number yet, or can give a nearby but phoney house number.
So i guess the moral of the story is tell them specifically that you will give address very close to where your at, but don't do the phoney thing.
about 48 hours ahead saying "I will not have internet access after 9pm the night before so please let me know where we are meeting so I can plan my travel time." Some larger cities can take an hour to get from one side of town to another, especially depending on time of day.
I have had providers give me an address which has turned out to be a library or pizza place only to get the final 2 or 3 blocks worth of directions about 5-10 minutes prior to the date.
and I will adjust MY correspondance to be clearer.
Yes, I understand needing to eat on schedule to avoid medical issues.
You weren't necessarily wrong, in a cut and dry sense. But sometimes we have to choose between being right and having a good time. You made your choice and that's that.
She should've responded sooner to your 1000 text. No reason not to give location to someone she'd seen two weeks prior. Unless of course she hadn't booked it yet, which is possible if you were the first appointment of the day and she was waiting on Priceline bids or whatever. Still, she could've answered. How does it take a half hour to find the address of the hotel you're in? It's on the phone, it's on the sign on the inside of the door, it's on the stationary, you can call the front desk. Or she can, as she casually told you, just google it.
Personally, I would've kept heading to the town, if I knew it, but I've been burned in similar situations before, so I would never say that someone pulling the plug at 30 minutes till appointment time was wrong to do so. Just not what I would've done.
If you knew what town ahead of time and you knew you have to eat at a certain time for medical reasons and you knew you would not have a smartphone on you after you left the house, why didn't you use the interweb to familiarize yourself with said town and it's restaurants before you left? I would've done that in your situation.
Again, can't say it's "wrong" to pull out at 30 till and no location, but I will say that at times providers have thanked me for my patience in hooking up and when we did get together, boy did they do a good job of showing appreciation. Yes, she should've planned and communicated better. That's the chances we all take. But with a bit more planning and persistence on your part, you may have had an awesome time. What did you do instead, go back home and rub one out?
I will say this, I agree with you 99.9% in terms of what you did and the decision you made. In my humble opinion, I believe that providers that fail to respond or wait until the last minute to give you their location are acting inappropriately. They are fooling around with your time. They hate it when the guys mess up their schedule or are late, so she should not have done that to you either. Does she want your business? Then she should act like she wants your business. The old phrase "time is money" works both ways
You were in your car at 12:05, right? So when the provider told you the hotel name at 12:05, why didn't you either:
1. Use the point-of-interest locator on your GPS, if it's like most GPSes and has that feature, or
2. Do it the "old fashioned way" (which every owner of an old flip phone should know) and call Directory Assistance to get the phone number of the hotel, and call them to get the address?
Either should have worked, since it appears the hotel name was unique enough that you could find its address through Google.
It's funny though that it appears she had an old style flip phone also, since she couldn't use Google herself to get the hotel's address.
and that was partly why I said there was plenty of blame to go around.
As I said in my earlier post, given the information provided in the OP, I would have had no problem making that appointment with time to spare.
On Friday morning at 10 I texted her for the location...and did not hear back from her. I then texted her at 11:30 saying I needed the address where she was staying, and got a little nervous about her being a no-show.
Finally at 12:05pm she texts me the location and tells me to google it for the address, she doesn't know it. I can't google the location because I am in my car with only my GPS and an old-style flip phone.
I decide that because she is not getting back to me promptly and providing necessary information, that I am not going to rush around on my end to keep the appointment.
She finally texts me with an address at 12:30, and then at 12:40 she tells me she is ready.
So...did I make the right decision? Should I expect better treatment and timely information from a provider? I feel like she flaked on me and this is her responsibility.
There are ways to find things without Google. But if that's all you have and time is short, you can always bring a device along and find some Wi-Fi. Or failing that, go somewhere you can use a computer. They exist.
On Friday morning at 10 I texted her for the location...and did not hear back from her. I then texted her at 11:30 saying I needed the address where she was staying, and got a little nervous about her being a no-show.
Finally at 12:05pm she texts me the location and tells me to google it for the address, she doesn't know it. I can't google the location because I am in my car with only my GPS and an old-style flip phone.
I decide that because she is not getting back to me promptly and providing necessary information, that I am not going to rush around on my end to keep the appointment.
She finally texts me with an address at 12:30, and then at 12:40 she tells me she is ready.
So...did I make the right decision? Should I expect better treatment and timely information from a provider? I feel like she flaked on me and this is her responsibility.
IMO, getting an initial reply text 2 hours later just smacks of unprofessionalism. I understand the need for discretion, but to dribble the information out as she did just adds stress to the client's life, when all he's seeking is an hour or more of stress free enjoyment. I'm with the OP on cancelling.
Say, 10-noon, giving her an hour to get ready for her next appointment. The 10-noon client leaves, and immediately she checks her phone, sees the text from the OP (which she might not have expected so soon) and replied immediately.
That was cause to cancel the session?
How would you like it if a provider answered texts and/or calls when you were with her? Not too much, I bet.