This is my first post on this board. I feel a little weird about something and wanted to get your thoughts.

I have been hobbying for about 6 months. I arranged a meeting with an indy from BP to meet with. I almost never use BP, but a couple providers flaked on me at the last minute and I was just horny. I wanted to make sure that this was not going to be some type of Cash and Dash scam or LE sting so I used the phone number and email she had listed and googled them hoping for any type of information at all about her as she wasn't well reviewed at all. I broke the golden rule of TER, and this is a newbie mistake but again, I was horny!!! This girl is young maybe 21-22, and absolutely hot. In googling her email, I found her Facebook page. I discovered her real name, saw pictures of her family and friends and she even has a few blog posts on there. It is not private at all in the least. She even has a picture of her daughter who is two.  The dad must have left them cause he isn't mentioned at all anywhere. She looks sad in all her pictures though which is a far cry from the erotic sexy pics she posted on BP. Her recent status updates depict a sad scared very tired young woman. I saw her face in her FB pics as well as the same tattoo so I know its the same girl. In reading her blogs I realized that the incall location (a low level hotel) that I was to meet her at, she is actually living in until certain things in her life blow over. It seems as if she will run out of cash any day.

The longer I was on her Facebook, the more guilty I felt for calling her and that pretty much killed that old feeling. So I just cancelled the meeting. I feel guilty for the first time in the hobby. Guilty that I learned so much personal info. about her and guilty that it looks like the only reason she is doing this is to get out of trouble and help her kid. I felt guilty for using her when she's down. Insert sad face here.
Usually I can just bang away happily. But after reading her stuff I didn't want to do that anymore I just wanted to help her. Also, do you think it was wrong that I spent that much time on her Facebook learning WAY too much personal info about her? I think I realized for the first time that these providers actually have personal lives and are not solely there for me to pretend that I am a sex god. Now I just feel weird about hobbying...like I'm taking advantage.

Any thougts? I would love to hear from a few hobbyists and providers. By the way, is it normal for hobbyists / providers to actually have so much personal information on their Facebook/Twitter/Myspace whatever the hell else? I would think that if you were a provider especially you would either delete your accounts or make them very private. Thoughts?

Sorry this is so long. This just did not seem like a 2 sentence type of post to me.

...Everything you've written indicates you're someone who's thoroughly decent.  Being in the hobby doesn't mean any of us is a bad person.  Mongers like scoed have helped providers who needed it.  It's not your fault this girl was too naive and new to the business to cover her tracks.  Did you spend too much time looking at her pix?  Only you can say.  It's not for anyone else to judge.  You might do her a favor by letting her know she needs to cover her tracks better.  That would at least keep her from being outed to the people she cares about.  Beyond that you should question your motivation if you are moved to become more involved in her life.  Sounds like she needs to join TER and get on the Providers Board to get some help.  Either that or find a different way to make money.  But don't feel guilty for "using her when she's down."  You didn't do that.  You cancelled.  Good for you.   In fact, there are probably some who'd say you didn't help her by cancelling because you denied her income.  I don't agree with that but you certainly shouldn't beat yourself up.  Just one monger's opinion.

this kind of thing is exactly why I don't have a Facebook account - nor any of the others. I'll reveal some personal things here and there in posts. For example, I'm not young (I'll get to the double nickel in June). But, that's nothing since you don't know who I really am. My point is, I'm not about to reveal my personal life to the general public on social media. (Didn't do it before I was a provider; not going to do it after.)

Yes, it's upsetting that you stumbled across her site. But, she put it out there for the world to see. Not condemning her; it was her choice to do that.

Just as it was your choice to read it. I can't do a thing about your guilty feelings; only you can decide what is the best choice FOR YOU. What you do - in the hobby and out of it - is your choice. That's free will coming into play. It includes the freedom to make mistakes. Just make sure they're ones you can live with.

Sweetie, instead of asking us what you should do, ask yourself what is it you WANT to do? Then, go from there.

Then talk to her, explain to her what happened, pay her the money and if you are still interested in her as a provider, have your fun.

As some providers can tell you, I am a pretty empathetic guy, who likes to visit, cuddle, am concerned about the providers I see and can be very friendly and solicitous (hell, there are hobbyists here who disdain me for that, not that I am going to change). But I do prefer to keep the real and the fantasy separate, so I would not have read her Facebook page, nor would I invite or encourage her to talk about her personal life. I will listen politely and express concern and consideration up to a point, but I surely am not here to be a part of her reality any more than she is here to be part of mine.

Let's see - you will have given her some good advice, paid her some money, and explored whether you can have some fun with her. Sounds like a good deal for everyone - best outcome possible, since she needs both the money and the advice. In any case, I definitely would tell her about it.

Zig

There's a lot of pain in this world.  Usually we manage to insulate ourselves from it pretty well, if we are lucky.  Now and then it confronts us.  We can almost always do SOMETHING to help.  The question is - do we want to?  Another related question is, even if we try to do something, will it really help?  In this particular case, if she is using drugs, almost nothing will help.  One low cost thing would be a gift certificate for a local coffee shop or fast food place.  She has to eat, right?  I'm facing a similar dilemma right now and have not really decided what I want to do.  Good luck with it.

not preachin, just talkin.

If you are spending money you have a right to have some info, although you went way overboard. Not every woman on backpage needs money like that. There are really some out there who enjoy and do it because they want to, not because they have to. Her story is sad, and she has to do what she has to do, and unfortunately she is like many others in this occupation. Your best bet is to find a reviewed provider who has been in the business a while and is an upscale or elite companion, who won't negotiate price. Then you will know she doesn't need your money that bad.

I've been hobbying for four months now and mostly loving it, although I've had a few moments similar to the one described in the original post.  I discussed the topic one time with a college girl who was providing.  She said that it was "easy money," and that she wanted expensive stuff enough that the distasteful aspects of providing didn't deter her from doing it.  I guess that's pretty obvious but she stated it in such direct terms that it was a bit of a light-bulb moment for me.  She's someone I don't feel I'm exploiting, although I wonder that if I scratched beneath her reasonably well-adjusted facade I might find something more sinister.  At any rate, in another situation, I terminated a session mid-act when something about the provider's identity suddenly clicked in my head (we'd started in dim lights) and I just couldn't continue, physically or otherwise (it wasn't her age, btw; more like discovering I was plowing Sonya of Crime and Punishment and being all too knowledgeable of the degradations of her family life).  I wanted to vomit when I got home.  However, usually for me, hobbying is the reverse of that girl's "easy money," and I just can't resist the convenience of "easy sex" with such lookers, despite the occasional qualm.  Haphazardly I proceed as to the right and wrong of the hobby by relying almost literally on my gut, with reasonable input from my mind (to avoid trafficked women, etc.).  If I had more disposable income I would see higher end girls, but that's not the case.

save up your money for the ones you want to see, instead of going for the instant gratification of the gals whose rates are lower. Sure, it'll mean you have fewer hobbying trips, but you'll get to see who you really want. There are a few guys on here who already do that - and they'll tell you it's well worth it.

I wouldn't worry about lingering on FB when you found her profile, human nature and that's what FB is there for.  I check out friends of friends FB pages all the time, especially if they're hot.  I think the curiosity would be even greater with a Provider.  Also, I've found several Providers on FB, and out of pure curiosity, I did read some of their posts and info...however, I found it extremely unusual and a little shocking that some used a few of the same pictures on their profile photo as they did in their escort site.  I would advise any Provider on FB to crank up those Privacy settings.  

About the guilt, totally agree with Jolene...only you know you, do what's right for you.

if she has her personal info on her facebook page, just email her and tell her that you have an odd job for her

she could cook you some meals, clean your house or yard

I went through a bad domestic situation several years back and several people contacted me on my facebook page.  They offered me babysitting jobs, run errands, do web design and yard work.  I took the jobs and had a flea market job for 2 yrs.

I still do this but I have friends who know that I do this and we are friends on a more personal level.  I give them special massages for being there and taking the extra effort to help me out when I was so close to being homeless.  This recession is messing up a lot of lives.

She'll be horrified, but in the long run appreciate the advice.

Then, move on.  You're not the world's caretaker of stray women.  Unless you want to be.  In which case: Good luck with that.

I agree with Ziggy that you should call her and set an appointment. And at this appointment let her know what you were able to find out about her with the information you were given. That way she can better cover her tracks. I am sure she doesn't want her family or friends to know.

Have a great evening everyone