Background: so I still consider myself a bit of a newb since I don't really have a lot of time to play. I like to set things up via email so, generally, no email responsiveness = no date. It's super easy for me: pop an email off when I predict I'll have time in the next few days. No pressure for picking up, she can screen at her leisure, I can communicate independently of what may be overheard (indeed, a pinnacle of discretion). Ideal, yes?

Situation: Some ladies really don't like email and I'm probably pre-disqualifying a lot of good dates because I don't like to call.

Most recent experience from about 6 weeks ago is sending a message with some reference info and getting a response that I should call. So I call and leave VM. And... well, nothing back. No obviously silly mistakes made (dirty talk, menu talk, etc). I called once, didn't get a return call, and quit. I did this to prevent acquiring a "stalker" air and, frankly, plenty of options. But, I get back to pre-disqualification of potential good times.

Questions:
1. Is it, in fact, appropriate to call only once? Where is the line between just trying to make a date versus suggesting you're a dangerous guy?
2. How long should I wait? Does no call mean my references are no good and perhaps I shouldn't use them any more? (I don't have many but at least it's more than zero, I don't want to go back to zero.)
3. Is there a "reset" time after which I can call again and pretend it's the first time contacting them?

Thanks in Advance!

If you leave a message, either leave enough information about how she can contact you via voice. I often will send info about this via email. Is it OK for her to call this number or not... if so, what hours...etc.

It is possible she is just not a good business person/planner or she does not want to risk calling back on a phone number which may not be a hobby phone.

I would email, and say that you called, and did/didn't leave a message, etc. Ask what are the best times to try calling via voice.

Yeah, that's good advice. Thanks!

I generally would only call if I am trying to set something up at the last minute - you will note that most providers say to call if there is less than 24 hours notice involved. Otherwise I work with email much exclusively. And I believe that any provider who is serious about doing this will have email.

I also book ahead (a week or two) identifying dates and times that work and then looking for a likely companion. Keep in mind that I am based in an big city with a lot of options; in a smaller town, you may need to either hobby when you travel, or work harder to find a few good, reliable providers. On the other hand, I am not sure I would want to hobby anywhere near a smaller city or town I lived in, but that is your call.

I have, on one occasion, sent a follow up email to a provider who did not respond, but only to confirm that she got my first email, and that the reason she did not reply was what I thought it was (insufficient references - I was new and had not read her web site as closely as I should have). She did reply that I was correct. On no other occasion have I followed up on an email or call that got no response. My thinking is that the silence means one of two things - either she is not currently working, or she forgot or chose not to reply. Can't see how reminding or trying to force her to reply is a good thing in any of those situations.

But it is worthwhile to check every web presence she has to be sure you are not using an old email or phone number before you give up. I did text a provider twice, once to ask for a reference, and then a month later to set up a new date. No reply to either. Since I had seen her, this bugged me so I went to her site and discovered she had changed phones. Resent my text and she replied!!

I think it is okay to try to arrange a new date after 30 days, with no reference to the previous (lack of) correspondence, which she most likely does not remember anyway. But only if you really think you are going to like her, and/or have seen some activity out of her that causes you to think she is active. I have done that, but by then the expectation means the reality of that lady is likely to disappoint, for me at least. After all, you have been lusting after this provider for a month with zero contact or touch of reality - she is now some sort of fantasy. And you most likely will be wasting your time and get no reply again anyway. so why bother?

So move on if you do not get a reply. Only return to her if she pops up in a new ad, or with a post or review here or you discover different contact info. That is my .02.

Zig